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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How did you decide CM amounts?

35 replies

wlucy · 08/04/2020 06:58

How did you decide an appropriate child maintenance amount without resorting to the official service? I'm happy to go through them as a last resort but ideally want to keep things as civil as possible with my ex.

He want to work out what the kids cost, subtract the child payment part of my UC and the standard child benefit and then make up the difference. He says my rent, heating etc doesn't count as kids costs. He's on 2k a month, I'm at the end of my maternity (but not back yet due to covid), will be working part time and topped up with UC. On mat pay and UC I currently get 1k a month.
He says that's fair as the child payments 'given to me by the government' should go solely on the kids (they should and they do) but he fails to appreciate that I can't work more hours because he doesn't have the children and this is why I get topped up by UC.
Is this fair? Or am I being unreasonable on wanting him to consider the fact that I can't physically go out and earn more because I do all the childcare? Every month I'm scrapping money together for the heating etc and I can't understand why he doesn't class those as his children's needs. He also doesn't have many outgoings atm as he has been living with his parents since we split.
Please be kind in your comments! X

OP posts:
autumnkate · 08/04/2020 07:02

Well he sounds lovely.

Use the cm calculator online which will give you the amount even if you don’t use them to claim.

However he sounds like he’s going to make it difficult so I’d go through the official channel.

Original poster
wlucy · 08/04/2020 07:08

Thanks @autumnkate. Deep down I think I'm not being unreasonable but it's hard not to doubt yourself when youre constantly being told you are.

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 08/04/2020 07:08

Yes, use the cm calculator . The kids do use a share of rent, heat, water costs, food etc! Isn’t it around 20% of net income for 2 children? 15% for one child. (My lazy exP pays not one penny for his DD and never has! Fingers crossed yours will be more decent) Flowers

Justabitworried · 08/04/2020 07:08

Use the child maintenance calculator to find out what you're entitled to:

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

If he doesn't want to give you at least this amount then use the CMS.

Original poster
wlucy · 08/04/2020 07:10

I'll have a look now. I really appreciate the advice x

OP posts:
Justabitworried · 08/04/2020 07:12

Just as an example if you have 2 kids and he isn't having them over, and he earns £2000 before tax, he should give you £320 a month.

How did you decide CM amounts?
okiedokieme · 08/04/2020 07:13

Spreadsheet of household bills, reasonable food allowance minus my wages - he gives me what i need. Kids at university

Justabitworried · 08/04/2020 07:13

Good luck with everything. Is he offering less than this at the moment? Remember it isn't up to him what he wants to pay it's up to the government to decide what he has to pay x

Raffathebear · 08/04/2020 07:14

He is a knob. CM does not reducr UC, and by god DWP will squeeze us of every last drop if they could, because its the child's money. Your knob of an ex needs to pay. Why does he even know about UC? Ront discuss your money with him he sounds like he will use what you say against you.
Go the official route if he wont pay what the calculator says.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 08/04/2020 07:14

I'd definitely use the CMS. The only reason why using CMS would cause things to not be civil is that he would want to pay less than that amount.
There is no reason for you to accept any less than this amount.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 08/04/2020 07:17

Use the CMS calculator. He’s a piss taking bellend.

Raffathebear · 08/04/2020 07:17

He's expecting the government to pay to raise his child. Tosser.

birdsbeefriesandeggs · 08/04/2020 07:20

I would go straight to cms and open a new case because this man will do whatever it takes not to pay for his children.

milkysmum · 08/04/2020 07:23

Some men will do anything to get out of paying won't they!
I'm currently in process of divorcing my husband, we have 2 children age 8 and 11. He moved out 22 months ago and as yet had not paid me a single penny! I can't go through child maintenance service as he a self employed bricklayer and has not put any of his earning through the books for several years- just works cash in hand. I have no idea what to do, he is claiming he cannot afford to pay me, but will when he can, that day never comes though....?

bridgetreilly · 08/04/2020 07:25

If you didn't have the children you'd be able to live in a smaller house, with lower bills. So of course he needs to contribute towards the cost of housing and other bills, from which his children benefit daily.

bridgetreilly · 08/04/2020 07:25

@milkysmum, report him to HMRC for the cash in hand work.

WelcometoCranford · 08/04/2020 07:28

Use the CMS and be done with it. I had similar discussions with my ex (when it was the CSA!) and every time it was mentioned, he was proposing less money each time. After he offered me £50 a month (he was/is a fully qualified accountant), I went to the CSA. Went down like a lead balloon from his pov but I could feed and clothe my dc then. He's not your friend. Get the maintenance legally agreed so you know where you stand

ohlookitsbetty · 08/04/2020 07:28

I get 158.52 a month for my two kids, one with SEN. That doesn't even cover their food costs. It took me years to get that out of him and I had to go down the legal route. He's also still living in the family home whilst I'm living at my parents home with the children.

It took me nearly a year to get anything out of him so I went down the CMS route. He doesn't seem to think he's jointly responsible for them and their upkeep. Hmm

Contact CMS and see what your options are.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2020 07:37

I would also go for cms. What you get from the government are none of his business. Child maintenance is completely separate.

GaraMedouar · 08/04/2020 08:13

milkysmum - my exP is similar - he’s self employed, but he really doesn’t earn much at all! Because he’s lazy! The only reason he doesn’t sleep on a park bench is because he cocklodged with me and is now cocklodging with his new girlfriend so I can’t go to CMS, as he doesn’t earn practically anything anyway.

copycopypaste · 08/04/2020 08:15

We used the cms calculator

Original poster
wlucy · 08/04/2020 08:19

@GaraMedouar sorry but cocklodging 😂 I've never heard that before it's brilliant and so bloody accurate

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 08/04/2020 08:23

And it will be backdated via cms from the date you apply.

GaraMedouar · 08/04/2020 08:23

wlucy - Grin oh yes, I only learnt that term from coming on Mumsnet - quite apt indeed!!!

ChrissieKeller61 · 08/04/2020 08:25

So i worked out the rent, divided it by 4 (4 children) and then worked out their share of gas, electric, water and food and charged him half. The money the government give me for the children is to make up for the fact that i gave up a fabulous career to have them and raise them and need support to build it back up at again at which point it'll stop. It in no way reduces HIS responsibility to his HIS children.
Anyway he went to the CSA in the end because it sounded too much (paying half what they actually cost) so he pays 20% and still moans at that.