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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour knocking on our door for a cigarette - WIBU

58 replies

Roostersmum2 · 07/04/2020 15:25

Neighbour has developed a habit of knocking the door for a cigarette regularly for the past year.

(Please no lectures about smoking and covid, I've cut down by half and am working towards quitting)

You can see who's at the door from the sofa, he only ever knocks for this reason.

I told DH not to open the door as he shouldn't be knocking due to guidelines. DH said he will know we're home and so we now look rude.

I know I'm not being unreasonable btw, I would like to see what others thought because DH clearly disagrees

OP posts:
PeacockPies · 07/04/2020 16:12

I’d give up smoking just so I could get rid of him!

mumwon · 07/04/2020 16:12

if you touch cigarettes it contaminates them & give them to him you endangering his health & risk giving him corona virus

mumwon · 07/04/2020 16:13

doh ! if you them to him...

LolaDarkdestroyer · 07/04/2020 16:15

Seriously just don't answer and tell your dh not to answer shout out the window "not today Dave" some people are fucking stupid and cheeky tbh though why the fuck have you been supplying this cadging cunt for a year? You've brought it on yourself in that sense.

Janaih · 07/04/2020 16:17

I've quit now but when I used to smoke I was very generous with my fags. I figured if someone was desperate enough to ask then they deserved to have one. Makes me sick to think about how many I gave away now (and smoked myself too!)

EmeraldShamrock · 07/04/2020 16:17

Yanbu the bloody cheek of him.

Scabetty · 07/04/2020 16:20

YABU because you haven't just shouted through the door that you have no fags to share due to the current situation. Who cares if you look rude to a CF. Your dh is so wet he needs wringing out.

ifonly4 · 07/04/2020 16:21

Right a note outsaying that due to Covid19 you're not answering the door to anyone and next time he knocks show it to him through the window. Don't give him time to reply, just walk away.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 07/04/2020 16:21

I can see why people may think we've made rods for our own backs

As I said it's extremely rare I bother to open to door, I quite happily ignore the knocking knowing he can see I'm home. I'm not remotely bothered about being seen as rude.

it's DH who encourages it by opening the door and handing over his own tobacco. I frequently tell him not to but he crosses people pleaser territory into being a mug.

If he knocks again I'll appear at the window and remind him about self isolation

OP posts:
Wotrewelookinat · 07/04/2020 16:23

What a bizarre situation to have got yourselves in to. Just put a note through his door and explain this can’t continue, maybe chuck in a box of fags to assuage your husbands guilt!

supersop60 · 07/04/2020 16:26

Discuss with your DH what would happen if he catches the virus through this non-social-distancing behaviour.
he will be confined to one room, have to clean wherever he has been etc etc.
Normally I'd say your neighbour is a cf.
At this current time, both he and your Dh are being irresponsible twats.

Poppi89 · 07/04/2020 16:27

If you don't want to ignore/say fuck off. Can you just say no sorry we don't have many left and say it every time so he stops bothering you?

He is a CF not only does he not want to spend his money but he is also reducing his chances of catching corona by not going to the shops but expecting you to. I would be ok if it was a one-off but this doesn't sound like it is.

Elouera · 07/04/2020 16:37

Put £50 on cash on the table, and ask what OH would do with that money???
Its the same added up as what the neighbour has used from him for free cigs over a year!!! If jeopardising his and your own health wont work, maybe cold, hard cash will?

I'd also show him ALL these replies! What does he want to 'please' the neighbour for anyway!

yearinyearout · 07/04/2020 16:39

Tape a note to the door saying you'll no longer be answering the door. Hopefully he will read that before your DH can get to the door. Or post one through his door.

Pelleas · 07/04/2020 16:43

He's got a cheek. I don't mind giving someone a cigarette as a one off but I couldn't afford to fund two smoking habits.

1000atfc5423 · 07/04/2020 16:46

@Teacher12345 good suggestion. Do it yesterday! YANBU

Seriously what is wrong with these men who care more about the neighbour feelings then yours? Truly unloving and unacceptable.

Guyonhere1 · 07/04/2020 16:50

If you have some cigarettes, can’t you put a pack underneath your door mat for him to take?

BubblesBuddy · 07/04/2020 16:51

Can I come round for a bottle of wine please? Where would you be if all your neighbours came round to scrounge from you? Write a note saying, sorry, but you don’t have enough cigarettes to give any away. Then give up yourselves! Then you won’t have any to give away! Problem solved. Or give him all you have right now and don’t buy any more! That would be win win all round!!

BubblesBuddy · 07/04/2020 16:52

Giyonhere1: is it you that wants them?

Guyonhere1 · 07/04/2020 16:55

@BubblesBuddy well if you have some cigarettes in the house and you’re not desperate to use them, what’s the problem with leaving a pack under the door mat for him?

Guyonhere1 · 07/04/2020 16:56

If this has been going on for months l, why hasn’t OP put a letter in his door or confronted him to stop asking. Now we’re in lockdown, and times are more difficult, it would be harsh to stop giving him the cigarettes at this moment of time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2020 16:59

Sorry I don't understand?

What I mean is that your DH's fear of being rude (embarrassment) makes it more likely you get the disease (dying of embarrassment). And you're smokers which increases your risk.

BubblesBuddy · 07/04/2020 17:06

Harsh not to give the neighbour cigarettes? Are you joking? He should buy his own. Never too late to change the dependency habit - smoking and asking the OP. Both need to stop.

Guyonhere1 · 07/04/2020 17:07

@BubblesBuddy why wasn’t this put to an end before? Why now? At this moment of time, we should all be supporting each other, so now is the time you should be giving him the cigarettes

Itsjustthesame · 07/04/2020 17:08

Blimey! Forgetting cv - seriously - does he give you some back? If that’s a cigarette a day - seven days a week - You might as well shove a tenner at him once a fortnight.