H going to the City tomorrow and on the tube

[SecretsInSpitalfield]

Haven’t even nc

He has been drinking every day .. from the morning

So many times lost his job .. and lied and pretended to go to ‘work’.. got us MASSIVELY into debt

Now saying he has to go on the tube tomorrow to ‘pick up a screen’ .. new job .. he’s meant to be self employed as a ‘contractor’ but no signs of money ... very suspicious

And he is saying that going on ten stops on a busy tube then another x amount of stops on another tube is ‘essential’ ? Is he being an arse? He just drinks vodka and we aren’t paying bills or anything. He has no friends and falls out with everyone by the way

he laughs .. in a nasty way .. rubs his hands over the surfaces and computers

I understand your son not wanting to go to a hostel but you are the parent and you make decisions.

In your case I think that decision needs to be making steps to remove him from the house.

I'm not an expert but surely him not adhering to social distancing guidelines, drinking throughout the day and wiping his hands on surfaces in the home while laughing would be reason enough to have police support to get him to leave?

We've been told to report neighbours etc who are breaking the rules which makes them a danger to others.

Id say this is a pretty good time to get shot of him to be honest.

How will you feel if DS gets CV? Please do this for him

OP if you need to leave then Dogstrust may be able to help, they run a project called the Freedom Project where they foster dogs for women going into a refuge fleeing domestic violence, the dogs go into foster homes where they are well cared for

www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/freedom-project/freedom-project

Hi op
Couldn’t not reply
My mum got ill really bad .had to Go in rest home.she had a 10 yr old dog .they were devoted to each other .part of how things got so bad was she was worried to admit things were bad ,because of the dog ,worried for him,how would he cope with out her.
I’ve got him .id only met him a few times in his life.
But he’s fine and settled in just dandy.you can tell he adjusted quickly to his new life.
Please look at the dogs trust freedom program..your dogs really will be fine .You can’t let the thought Of your dogs stop you getting help.

I'm my experience self employed contractors supply their own equipment...
Not the case for everywhere I know.
Sounds to me like he is lying and it's making your life miserable. You are strong and can do this, get him gone. We only live once and you don't deserve to have your life ruined by this asshole x

I think going into London and on the tube is the least of your worries (and his). If he's drinking and lying I think you need to make an exit plan which is rock solid.

My god OP he is horrific.
Overweight
Selfish
Reckless with money and your family’s stability
An alcoholic
A liar
Indifferent to spreading a deadly virus and potentially killing many people.

Being in a hostel sounds like a much better option to me. Please listen to us and realise that you don’t have to live like this.
Sending all my love

You need to get rid of this man before he gives you the CV. I'm sorry but this will happen if you let him continue to put you and your DC a risk of catching it. You can change the locks and report him to the police for breaking government guidelines.

Even without the pandemic, you shouldn't be living like this.

I understand your son not wanting to go to a hostel but you are the parent and you make decisions.

In your case I think that decision needs to be making steps to removehimfrom the house.

This.

Your child doesn't fully understand the damage being done.
Talk to dogs trust and get the dog fostered.

The rate your "D"H is drinking/ spending you won't have a house for too long

I personally think yiu should try to get the locks changed while he's out. God knows why he's going on his little trip but use the time given. Pack some of his things up, leave by the front door. Him going on a tube is the last of your worries.

Is he the father of your children?

If it wasn't for the risk management bit, i'd think you were describing my exH. Nasty, alcoholic, workshy, in debt and lying about it, carrying more weight than is truly good for him... he sounds truly a prince among men.

Im sorry you're going through this. I would be very tempted to lock the doors and not let him back in if he is drunk, and call the police if he makes a scene.

Second on the getting the dog fostered. Or I’d gladly take it for you until you’re back on your feet.

Speaking from experience, you need to get out. Sort your documents, money, etc, call women’s aid. Depending where you are in London there’s more specific organisations that can help.

Most employers are only letting in staff that are critically needed (and key workers). I don't think they would worry.

Sounds like he's doing a bit of a mini raid tbh.

As he's being drunk and abusive, then I would call the police and tell them he is aggressive and you are afraid for you and your dc.

Wha age is / are dc ?
You and they don't have a life living with someone who not only disrespects you but puts you in danger of Covid19.
Please get help.

OP, I can look after the dog for you. I’m in West London, not too far.

PM me

Also, could you apply for a jobs for things needed now (carers, delivery drivers) so that you get some money together in preparation?

London still has vacancies. I got a job on nights in an Asda warehouse last week and I had only applied for 3/4 jobs.

Thank you everyone for your kind replies!

And offering to help me with my two fogs- wow! Thank you so much

I’ve just been in contact with organisation which is very similar to women’s aid ..

My dc are 9 and 11

Dogs not fogs **

SecretsinSpitalfields
Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. You and your dc deserve better than the life you have now.

So lovely seeing MNetters offering to help OP out, has made me smile today that there are such lovely people out there

He doesn't sound like a great candidate for risk management in derivatives, frankly. It's a highly skilled analytical role that would need access to multiple systems and information services.

Are you ok OP?

Sleeping bunnies - thank you for asking! Means the world .. really does

He’s still here .. I’m in touch with an organisation which is to do with wA

He drank 10 35ml bottles of vodka yesterday .. ten bottles of vodka .. our dc can’t stand him

We’ve called the farm where I rescued my little girl 🐕 from and in talks whether they can look after her and of course I have had the most generous kind offers from lovely MN’s on this thread

He won’t even let me know of his sweet 92 year old aunts contact details .. he said ‘if she dies she dies’

• he has colleagues and boss were/maybe still very ill with corona ... H says he is definitely a carrier but he’s lucky as not affecting him so bugger everyone else

SecretsinSpitalfields
I hope you are ok

www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/freedom-project/freedom-project