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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not want to keep quiet about this

71 replies

StuckInnTheMiddle · 05/04/2020 22:18

Nc as I am posting some identifying details and I don’t want it linked to my history.

We live on a cul-de-sac with only a few houses and we’ve all been here for quite a few years. I work from home so take in a lot of parcels for pretty much the whole street. I know most of them well and socialise with some of them regularly.

Say I’m house no 2 (not my real house no), I’m very close friends with house no 1. I’m also friends with house no 3 but 1 and 3 don’t get on well at all. There has been parking issues between them on and off since no 3 moved in and last year it almost escalated into a fist fight. Now they just avoid each other as much as possible.

Today neighbours no 3 had been drinking all afternoon. We could hear and see them in their garden as we only have a 3ft wire fence separating us. No issues with this but for some reason the husband decided to move his car from one of the visitor parking spots (top of the road) back into his drive. In doing so he has scraped no 1’s car down the side. I had my living room windows wide open as it was so hot today. I didn’t see anything but did hear my neighbour start up his car and heard a scrape. I looked out of the window and then saw a scratch.

I just know all hell will break loose if I tell no 1 what happened. Obviously, it was completely wrong for no 3 to drive when they’d had a drink. I can’t really be sure if they were or weren’t over the limit. I can’t even be completely sure it was no 3 who scratched it as I didn’t actually see the incident.

No 1 will be up early tomorrow morning to work and will notice the scratch straight away.

Should I say anything to no 1 as I don’t think no 3 will fess up.

Should I just stay out of it?

OP posts:

Original poster

StuckInnTheMiddle · 06/04/2020 10:36

Morning everyone a quick update.

So, as predicted, neighbour no 1 text me at 7am this morning as she was leaving for work. She noticed the big scrape and then saw a smaller scrape on no 3’s car so she has put two and two together. I kept to the facts and said I hadn’t seen anything and will leave it at that. Tbh, this is such a stressful time anyway and I have 3 primary aged dc at home. I don’t need more drama in my life. I know it will probably kick off between them now but I am staying well and truly out of it. Neighbour no 1 also knows that no 3 had been drinking all day so will not be letting this go. I am prepared for fireworks when she gets home around 4pm. She did try knocking on no 3’s door this morning but unsurprisingly they didn’t answer.

Oh, completely off topic but it’s also my 40th bday today so I think I’ll start on the wine at lunchtime and prepare myself for an eventful evening of screaming between my neighbours.

For whoever asked, one of the neighbours has cctv but they’re on the opposite side of the road and it doesn’t cover our bit, just their front garden really.

Thanks to everyone who replied I will update anything if anything else happens when no 1 is back from work

OP posts:

dontdisturbmenow · 06/04/2020 10:40

Definitely celebrate your 40th in peace. You did the right thing.

Does she know that he was parked higher up earlier in the day?

Original poster

StuckInnTheMiddle · 06/04/2020 10:45

dontdisturbmenow

It’s likely she would have seen his car up front when she went on her bike ride in the morning.

OP posts:

buckeejit · 06/04/2020 10:46

Happy birthday OP! You've done all you can. Enjoy your birthday & stay clear. No 3 sound like dickheads though!

Twisique · 06/04/2020 10:49

I think you did the right thing.

Happy Birthday!

I would get a better fence too

JohnnyJohnnyYesMama · 06/04/2020 10:52

Happy Birthday op, think you will need that wine

NoMoreDickheads · 06/04/2020 11:56

You were wise to stay out of it, especially as you didn't actually see what happened.

Enjoy your birthday. xxxxx

Hoarder123 · 06/04/2020 12:13

I originally voted for you to stay out of it, but with what has been said by pps It made me remember an incident of my own and I changed my mind. Many years ago, 2 weeks after we got married, someone ran into our car when it was parked on the road outside our house! They didn’t stop and as it happened overnight we didn’t see anything. The car was only insured 3rd party, so we had to pay for the repairs ourself. My dd loaned me the money but we had to pay it back (2 months of my wages). We eventually found out who it was, but couldn’t prove it, many months down the line! The person who told us who it was had been told by a mutual friend who had been drinking with the hit and run driver, but hadn’t been told who the driver was.

We did challenge our mutual friend, but he apologised and refused to tell us who the driver was! Needless to say, when he denied it to the police, that was the end of any civility. You need to say what you heard, as how would you feel if it had happened to you?

Fluffybutter · 06/04/2020 12:17

Some fucker scraped my car and the damage is so bad it’s not covered by the bodywork cover I have on it .
Post a note through if you don’t want to tell them direct but they need to know !

Fluffybutter · 06/04/2020 12:18

Just saw update ,I would’ve said I heard something but didn’t see ,that’s the truth
Have a good birthday .

andyoldlabour · 06/04/2020 12:19

It was a crime, which the other neighbour didn't admit to.
Years ago one of my neighbours hit my car, drove off and then reparked his car in a different position. There was a lot of damage to the front of my car and I was the only witness - so I thought. Whilst I was thinking what to do, there was a knock on the door and it was the guy who lived opposite. He had seen the whole incident and offered to be a witness.
I was so grateful to him, because without him backing me up, I doubt I would have been able to claim for the damage.
Oh yes, the neighbour who hit my car was breathalised and found to be three times over the limit, so lost his licence as well.
OP I think you should tell the neighbour what happened.

Poppi89 · 06/04/2020 13:32

Don't say anything because you didn't see it happen.

You say you heard a scrape but have no proof it was on no.1s car. What happens if you tell no.1 and they turn around and say it happened at the supermarket then you will sound like you're trying to stir something up.

Poppi89 · 06/04/2020 13:34

Sorry just seen your update.

Happy birthday!!!!

LannieDuck · 06/04/2020 13:40

Stick to the facts, and don't allow yourself to be pulled into guessing beyond that. Hopefully they'll continue the argument between themselves and leave you out of it.

Original poster

StuckInnTheMiddle · 06/04/2020 17:39

Hello everyone. Just had an eventfully half an hour or so of banging, shouting and threatening.

Neighbour no 1 got home from work around 4ish and went straight over to knock (bang) on no 3’s door. We have our living room windows open again as it’s so warm here so I could hear everything clearly. It was a very loud knock as far as knocks go! I knew then this would not end well.

Neighbour 1 started shouting almost immediately at no 3 who got defensive and denied everything. Neighbour 1 then says she had asked a couple who live on the road across from ours to send her their camera footage (their camera faces in the direction of the visitors parking spaces) and that she had proof it was him. No 3 still denies everything and eventually my dh goes outside to try and calm the situation as it was starting to get out of hand. I had asked him not to get involved but after 20 mins of shouting it was all getting a bit ridiculous and other neighbours had opened their doors to have a look. Also both of them, in their anger, were getting closer and closer to each other and not keeping 2m apart. Dh was standing on our front step asking them to calm down and to stay apart!

Dh found out that the camera shows neighbour no 3 getting into his car and driving in the direction of his drive. That’s all it shows as his camera doesn’t cover our drive so it doesn’t have the actual incident recorded. No 1 (rightly) is very angry with no 3 for getting in the car in the first place after he’d been drinking all afternoon. No 3 doesn’t deny drinking but says he had eaten dinner and sobered up by then.

Dh managed to convince both of them to calm down and go inside eventually with neighbour 1 shouting them would be getting the police involved and neighbour 3 telling them to fuck off and also shouting ‘prove it’.

I have completely seen no 3 in a different light and feel quite bad for his poor wife as she is actually nice and seemed very embarrassed by the whole thing. At one point she tried to get her dh back inside but he shrugged her off and carried on shouting at no 1.

I sort of knew this would happen as there is a fair amount of animosity between them. I think with tensions already high, it was always going to get out of hand.

No idea what will happen now and if the police will even do anything. I just know no 1 will never let this go. I don’t really blame them either as even though I stayed out of their previous issues, I 100% agree with them that no 3 are in the wrong this time.

Anyway, I am getting a rare takeaway tonight to celebrate my bday and dc got me some really fancy bubble bath and my favourite ice cream. I will enjoy have a nice long soak, wine and ice cream!

OP posts:

JennysTailor · 06/04/2020 17:55

Glad you are having a nice birthday OP. I do feel sorry for No. 1 though, No. 3 sound like total nightmares and seem determined to piss 1 off.

WhoWants2Know · 06/04/2020 20:04

I think a previous poster's idea to report what you saw and heard (anonymously if possible) is a good one. Then they can link up the reports when neighbour 1 reports it.

andyoldlabour · 06/04/2020 23:27

I had a word with my DW earlier and she said you did the right thing.
Why should nasty, dishonest people get away with all this sh*t?

andyoldlabour · 06/04/2020 23:30

"Don't say anything because you didn't see it happen."

Why?
Have you done that before and just slinked off into the darkness, leaving an innocent person with a damaged car and the resultant costs to repair it?

Fespital · 06/04/2020 23:55

I was looking out of a first floor window at my road. My neighbour across backed out and straight into a car that doesn't usually park there (must have been a visitor to someone on my side) but it's a 2 car width road so a legitimate parking spot.

My neighbour drove back onto her driveway and went back in her house. I was worried she might deny it but actually she was getting her DH to look at the damage to hers whilst she found the owner of the other car. Saw the discussion with the car owner from the window. My neighbour was very apologetic, shared details and presumably all sorted.

That's how no 3 should have dealt with it. The drinking, animosity and potential to get away with it must have triumphed over 'doing the right thing'. But you are in a position to do the right thing. Yes you didn't see it but you can back up number 1 with what you did see/hear and then step back to let presumably the police investigate the drink driving hit and run. Yes it's minor damage compared to what could have happened but it is still a drink driving hit and run.

Oceanblueeyes21 · 06/04/2020 23:58

@StuckInnTheMiddle I have two friends that know each other but they are not friends really. They just happen to both be friends with another girl in the same street as them.

Well, a while ago I was told things from say friend 1 about friend 2 and her marriage. Stuff about the husband and his so called affairs. It was very obvious from what friend 1 said that it was the girl they both are friends with that is saying things to friend 1 about friend 2.

As much as I would have wanted to warn friend 2 I knew straight away I could not open my mouth. My husband is friends with both these ladies husbands and it’s better to stay out of it as friend 2 will not keep quite that I told her about what friend 1 said to me. Without the risk of ruining lots of friendships I just kept shut!

In your case I would do the same. If your friends with people in house 3, you run the risk of ruining that friendship. It’s best to just leave it alone and pretend you saw nothing.

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