Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to keep quiet about this

71 replies

StuckInnTheMiddle · 05/04/2020 22:18

Nc as I am posting some identifying details and I don’t want it linked to my history.

We live on a cul-de-sac with only a few houses and we’ve all been here for quite a few years. I work from home so take in a lot of parcels for pretty much the whole street. I know most of them well and socialise with some of them regularly.

Say I’m house no 2 (not my real house no), I’m very close friends with house no 1. I’m also friends with house no 3 but 1 and 3 don’t get on well at all. There has been parking issues between them on and off since no 3 moved in and last year it almost escalated into a fist fight. Now they just avoid each other as much as possible.

Today neighbours no 3 had been drinking all afternoon. We could hear and see them in their garden as we only have a 3ft wire fence separating us. No issues with this but for some reason the husband decided to move his car from one of the visitor parking spots (top of the road) back into his drive. In doing so he has scraped no 1’s car down the side. I had my living room windows wide open as it was so hot today. I didn’t see anything but did hear my neighbour start up his car and heard a scrape. I looked out of the window and then saw a scratch.

I just know all hell will break loose if I tell no 1 what happened. Obviously, it was completely wrong for no 3 to drive when they’d had a drink. I can’t really be sure if they were or weren’t over the limit. I can’t even be completely sure it was no 3 who scratched it as I didn’t actually see the incident.

No 1 will be up early tomorrow morning to work and will notice the scratch straight away.

Should I say anything to no 1 as I don’t think no 3 will fess up.

Should I just stay out of it?

OP posts:
SeththeSloth · 05/04/2020 22:45

If 1’s car is scratched, it’s likely that 3’s car is too, so surely it will be obvious who did it?

longwayoff · 05/04/2020 22:47

DON'T tell them. Everyone's edgy and a bit paranoid at the moment, if threads on here are any guide to the collective state of mind, and you're all at home. Ordinarily I'd tell them but this time I wouldn't. Definitely not.

billy1966 · 05/04/2020 22:48

Difficult one.

I think you should think about how you would like to be treated in this situation.

No.3 are not good people to do what they did, and not say a thing to No.1.

You will have to be very convincing to No.1, because if I was No.1 and figure out that you heard what happened and know that the scratch wasn't there earlier and never said anything...I wouldn't think very much of you.

Would you speak to No.3 and tell them that they have put you in a very difficult position and it would be better if they did the right thing?

I think either way its going to be a sticky few days.

If you are going to deny knowledge.....be very convincing!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2020 22:48

Has number 3 got a corresponding big scrape on his car?

Aliceinunderland · 05/04/2020 22:53

Doing the right thing and doing the easiest thing are rarely the same. Would be easier for you to say nothing. The right thing would be for you to tell no1 that you didn't actually see anything but tell them what you heard. By saying nothing, you are effectively complicit in no3s actions.

Sh05 · 05/04/2020 22:57

If the scratch is that bad then number3 will also have a scratch so the first thing you suggest if you are asked should be that number 1 checks other cars.
I would want to be told but you will be left in a really difficult position in the middle of this lockdown.

Nat6999 · 05/04/2020 23:00

I've learnt one thing after living in a dodgy neighbourhood, hear, see & say nothing if you want to live in peace. That way you don't get in trouble.

Lynda07 · 05/04/2020 23:04

You didn't see anything, you only suspect.

As someone else said, both cars will be scratched so it won't be difficult for your aggrieved neighbour to find out who the guilty party is, if her car is damaged.

DishingOutDone · 05/04/2020 23:06

I've lived in a cul de sac for many years. We have a "no. 3" person who picks and chooses who is in favour and causes all sorts of arguments - they love setting people up then standing back and saying oooh isn't it funny how no. 5 and no. 10 hate each other etc.

You didn't see the scrape happen so in fact you are not a witness at all let alone a credible one and I can assure you if you get involved now it'll be YOU that 1 and 3 dont get along with.

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 05/04/2020 23:14

I completely agree that you shouldn’t start any unnecessary tension by telling the neighbour that you think this happened. However, and this is only my personal opinion, I think you should call 101 and tell them what you observed/heard. They can put it in their system and that will be that, but then if neighbour 1 reports the crime they can link the reports and it might make it easier for all involved. That way you won’t feel that you’ve done nothing about a potential crime. Even if you physically saw him scratch the car I would advise the same, don’t tell the neighbour directly, it will only cause a fight.

HavenDilemma · 05/04/2020 23:15

Tell number 1 that you SUSPECT it was number 3. Tell them exactly what you told us

AgathaX · 05/04/2020 23:21

You didn't see anything so you can't really give an opinion. If the scratch is as bad as you say, there will be damage to the other car. Let that speak for itself.

MrFaceyRomford · 05/04/2020 23:42

You have no evidence of what happened. You were not a witness. If you were in Court and said what you had heard it would be ruleed as "hearsay". Say nothing.

Devlesko · 05/04/2020 23:47

How would you feel if it was your property?
Of course you should say something.
I hope you aren't taking parcels in at the moment.

Worriedmom2020 · 05/04/2020 23:47

Is there a way to report this type of thing anonymously?

BlankTimes · 05/04/2020 23:54

Say nothing, if No.1 asks you, just ask them if any other cars in the cul-de-sac were damaged too. That leaves No.1 to go and look around and see the damage on No. 3 and deal with no.3 direct.

AdoreTheBeach · 06/04/2020 00:07

As you haven’t actually witnessed the accident, I wouldn’t say anything. You can assume but there’s still room for error

I found this out myself. I have a neighbour who often parks right opposite my driveway making it very difficult to back into my driveway so mostly I pull in. Also makes it difficult to pull out. Once I back into their car. Got out and saw a scrape on their car. Nothing on mine but my car was much higher so thought my bumper did it. Dragged my husband over with me to apologise as it was a fairly new car, I was mortified and quite upset. Made a very tearful apology - but it turned out the scrape was done previously and not from me. Our bunkers had actually done their job. Nothing on either car.

UYScuti · 06/04/2020 00:13

A fist fight 😲😬😲
Yikes I think I might just keep right out of it because they're right on your doorstep 😲
I know you have a duty as a witness to a crime etc... but 🙈

longwayoff · 06/04/2020 07:57

You've just reminded me beach, many years ago, boyfriend rolled into car in front at traffic lights, gently, but enough to feel. Got out to see if any damage and the back of the car in front was wrecked Shock. Driver "oh, don't worry, a police car did that yesterday, I'm taking it to the garage now ".

toomuchpeppapig · 06/04/2020 09:32

If your neighbour asks you then be honest. You didn't see it happen but you did see them move the car. Honesty is the best policy here.

clareOclareO · 06/04/2020 09:40

Should tell your neighbour, and also report the suspected drink-driving to the police.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 06/04/2020 09:53

Tell her ffs you'd want to know irrelevant as to wether they get on they've still done it.

Mummyshark2018 · 06/04/2020 09:58

You said you heard him scrape it- you don't have to see it with your eyes to be a witness.

I would text no.3 and say that you heard a scraping sound as he moved his car last night and you're feeling very uncomfortable about it. Give them a chance to tell no.1.

MotherofDinosaurs · 06/04/2020 10:07

You were witness to a crime

Bit dramatic. The OP overheard an accidental scrape.

I'd stay well out of it...

dontdisturbmenow · 06/04/2020 10:28

If it was me, I wouldn't say that I've heard something, but I would suggest to go and check neighbours cars for scratches.

Even if n3 car comes up with a scratch, they are unlikely to be able to prove it was him, but they and you will know. If you remain friends with this knowledge, I would question your judgement.

What a complete b* to do this and say nothing.