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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel left out..... Again

42 replies

Ineedwine1 · 04/04/2020 23:08

I've done a post about this women before. General jist was about her behaviour at work. Throwing hissy fits if she was in a bad mood and people running to her. Her doing 1 to 1 lunches all of a sudden with people and setting up group lunches and leaving me out. I was the one who introduced her into the group when she first started as I knew her before and didn't want her feeling left out. Ironic now.
Tonight I've looked on social media and I see a guy I work with post a pic with the caption work pub quiz night and his laptop. Then a girl I work with posts a pic with her laptop and it has the people on her screen, quite a large amount of work people. It also says hosted by boss Susan (not her real name). So it's the girl who seems to be leaving me out hosting the quiz. The same women just now posted a screen shot of 2 of the guys saying looking after these 2 or something.
I just feel she's being a bit mean now. Also get the feeling she's trying to be the queen B and she's in charge which I don't like all of that. I don't like to exclude people because Ive had it done to me in my past.
Just feel shit now. I'm on my own in isolation anyway as my DS is with his dad for the week atm.
What is this women's problem?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 04/04/2020 23:27

Anyone? 😔

OP posts:

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 04/04/2020 23:30

Ah. really feel for you, that's a horrible situation I think it is time to unfollow the lot of them or else it will keep whirring around you head

SharonasCorona · 04/04/2020 23:32

Just to be clear, is this a virtual quiz?

If there are a lot of people invited, can you bring to your manager's attention? Isolation is hard enough at the moment, but being excluded from work things at this time is bullying.

Are you WFH? Could you reach out and make a WhatsApp group with people you like and get on with?

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 04/04/2020 23:37

Yes a virtual quiz. I guess I could. When I was on a call to my manager the other week he was checking that people were speaking to me and I just said yea at the time. He has even noticed that I'm now a bit of an outsider. I am in a WhatsApp group with the girls in my department which this specific women is also apart of.
Another thing happened during the week where I set up a work group chat on Skype which our work is now using as a communicating platform. I then asked if they had read the email then sent around. Half of the people I added just left. Really upset me. And I used to get on really well with everyone and we used to meet for drinks outside of work but now I just feel an outsider.

OP posts:

SharonasCorona · 04/04/2020 23:54

It's good your manager has noticed. I would send him an email telling him how you're feeling. What's happening to you is exactly what employers are trying to avoid at this time. He's more likely to take it seriously if it's in writing, but if he doesn't contact HR.

Are there one or two colleagues you get on with well? You could have WhatsApp group just with them or even arrange a video call to give it that personal element.

It sounds like this other woman created her own Skype group and everyone moved there.

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 05/04/2020 07:56

He is a reasonable guy, he understands because he said himself he doesn't feel part of the team sometimes but that's because he's out and about alot. I'm part time however so maybe they don't view me as part of the team but like I say I used to get on well with everyone before and weren't left out until this woman get her feet firmly in the door. She's the centre of it I know she is. She's always the organiser.
I remember last year when she got very close with another woman who's since left. I asked the woman who had left why she was upset, this other woman literally jumped in and was like ah she's fine aren't you. She comes across quite territorial of people.

OP posts:

Wattagoose90 · 05/04/2020 08:32

Have you considered being a bit more forward? Commenting on the post "looks like fun! Let me know when the next one is, I'd love to have a go!" or something along those lines?

Sharkyfan · 05/04/2020 08:34

Ah what a bitch.
There are just some people like this but it really stinks.

MrsLion · 05/04/2020 08:35

You introduced her to the group? I’m afraid you‘ve been Wendied.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 05/04/2020 08:40

You're being Wendied.

Temp123999 · 05/04/2020 09:01

What's wendied

recycledbottle · 05/04/2020 09:09

Sorry to butt in Op but can anyone wxplain what wendied means? I think OP your friend used your good nature to become
involved in the group as she knew you wouldnt leave her out. She is now using that good nature/dont like a fight to exclude you. This is usually done by qeen bee types. You will have to fight your corner. If you got on well with others before there is no reason to think they dont like you. Set up groups, comment on stuff

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 05/04/2020 09:13

Wendied

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 05/04/2020 09:50

I remember the thread about being wendied and yes it is pretty much like this.
She is very vocal but when you call her out she's all like ohhh I was joking. I cant stand people who do this because ex did it all the time. He was abusive and 90% of the time it wasn't a joke. If it was a joke I'd find it funny not aggressive.
I spoke to one of the guys who was in it last night who I'm friendly with. Just said ah that looked like fun and he said I should join in next week. I did say Will the host allow it, he replied I'll make sure of it. So nice to know not everyone is looking to exclude me. Don't think "boss susan" will be too happy though.

OP posts:

mummmy2017 · 05/04/2020 10:20

Can you phone or contact the person who left and see if they know why?

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 05/04/2020 10:23

She left because she didn't like our firm and wanted to be paid more money she made that very vocal. This Susan woman wiggled her way in after she left and became this woman's bridesmaid. So there was no bad blood between them.
So my question is how do I deal with this Susan character?

OP posts:

SlipSlidin · 05/04/2020 10:26

We had someone like this in the last place I worked. She is incredibly divisive. Some people hero worship her but others (like me) saw her as a negging bully.

She left and has had 2 promotions since, then she suddenly dropped off the radar. Her last boss clearly saw through her as she flounced.

She’s like a cockroach though.

spicedemerald · 05/04/2020 10:39

Do we work at the same place?? I have a similar situation with a colleague and I can’t figure it out. Quite a few times, when I have been talking to another colleague, she has come along and hugged them and tried to interrupt as if they are her property. And this isn’t just one colleague in particular, it’s anyone she sees me talking to. It’s so odd to me. I only learned that the word ‘negging’ in MN the other day but I realised it perfectly describes what she does!

dontdisturbmenow · 05/04/2020 10:51

Why did people join the Skype group and then left after you sent a message?

Don't want to be unplesant, but could you be doing things that wind people up but you are not aware of it? It's easy to upset or annoy people without meaning to.

SlipSlidin · 05/04/2020 10:55

@spicedemerald that’s exactly what she was like. You’d be in conversation with someone and she’d bound up to them shrieking and laughing, give them a big bear hug. Meanwhile I’m left standing like chopped liver. It was so clearly directed at the person not “loved” she had zero interest in the person she was hugging, they’re just a means to an end.

PinkiOcelot · 05/04/2020 11:02

Pure and simple, she’s a bitch! I detest people like this! Sorry OP, I can see why you’re upset x

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 05/04/2020 11:48

@spiceemerald maybe ha! I can't say I've noticed she does this to me but could do with others.
I joined in a conversation she was having with the guy next to her. To do with TV, she hated it. I just mentioned I had seen the programme. And then she went "well anyway Tom" then cut me out.
I did think maybe I've upset/annoy people without knowing but I can't see how? I also got ignored in the group chat last week when I asked if anything important was mentioned in the group meeting as I had to go get my click and collect. Everyone ignored me. I just put oh OK, guess not then and then someone responded to me.
My whole life I've faced snide comments and being sidelined by women and I just don't understand why. I include people, be nice, kind. I always end up pushed out by some kind of "queen bee" and it hurts.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ineedwine1 · 05/04/2020 14:47

Sorry if I keep going on I just have alot of time to mull over it in my head. Another thing I've noticed is on my social media she's top of the list when she views my things. Yet she never comments, likes anything so just checking up on what I'm doing. I feel her behaviour will get worse once we are back in the office, when we are allowed. Any tips anyone to handle this type of person? I just don't want to be pushed out

OP posts:

SlipSlidin · 05/04/2020 15:03

With the one in my work I made it clear I found her boring and irritating. She had this weird habit of saying you’d done something when you hadn’t, the point of it was to make you look like a hysterical idiot when you denied it. I wasn’t the only one she did this to.

For example we were on another colleagues leaving night and for no reason whatsoever she said to me “oh you really bumped your head there, that must have been a sore one” I said “no I didn’t, what are you talking about?” She continued saying it, clearly trying to make me look insane. I just adopted a bored face and said “you ought to see someone about these hallucinations”.

She didn’t like not being liked. She was very insecure so I found walking away from her whilst she was talking or interrupting her really got her goat. She actually started trying to suck up to me which was hilarious.

LuluNamechangeForHelp · 05/04/2020 15:08

I hate this kind of person

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