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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be coping during lockdown?

36 replies

twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 21:34

I'm at home with my 17 month old. He's a joy. I love him so much. He's dropped his morning nap and only sleeps for an hour in the day, then sleeps 13 hours at night. Still wakes around 3 times. I've just had a bit of a meltdown. Sobbing so much I couldn't catch my breath (also I am due on my period which is contributing). He's go go go all the time. We have a tiny garden. An hour at the green across the road doesn't really cut it and he screams when I take him home. As soon as we go back in through the front door he gets upset. He was never like this before lockdown. He's lost interested in all of his toys. I don't know if he really notices but being a lone parent with nobody to help I am really struggling. I am a key worker and can't send my son to the childminder because her daughter has asthma, yet I'm not allowed to leave my son with my 50 year old mother so I can work. I am so stressed. I just want to sleep for 2 days. Is anyone else feeling the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 21:41

I feel like such a shit mum right now as I just can't keep my son happy. Once this is over I will never appreciate the little things in life so much.

OP posts:
Daftodil · 04/04/2020 21:46

Can you move in with your mum for a bit? 50 isn't old - does she have a health condition that puts her on the vulnerable list? I've moved in with my folks for lockdown and it has made a world of difference for me, my son and my parents.

It is incredibly difficult being a lone parent. It's never easy to entertain a child 24/7, particularly if you can't get them to run off as much steam as they need to. Don't feel bad if you need to stick Peppa Pig on for a morning and get some rest. Give yourself a break. It's ok to be good enough, rather than perfect.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 21:49

@daftodil he has no interest in the TV whatsoever for some reason. He doesn't even register that it is on. I can't live with my mum as she doesn't have the space. I actually live with my dad but he is frontline NHS and we are trying to stay apart from each other as much as possible in the house. I wish I could drop my son to her for a day but apparently I am not allowed. She also works with vulnerable people with disabilities and I live with a frontline NHS worker so it's probably not the wisest - I just feel so stuck.

OP posts:
Bomdigi · 04/04/2020 21:51

You sound like a good mum. It’s easy to slip into a mild depression sometimes without even really knowing why. It’s a very difficult time with a 17 month old in normal circumstances. Are you able to get any exercise in your house and are you eating enough fruit and vegetables? Small things such as a healthy diet can help your body and mind so it’s also important to practice breathing exercises to keep yourself as calm as possible when you are feeling stressed. Have you anyone to talk to about it?

Daftodil · 04/04/2020 21:52

Also, if your son is bored of his toys, get him involved in the grown up stuff. My (2.5yo) son has had a blast cleaning the windows, washing the car, doing the vacuuming, wiping down the kitchen surfaces, sorting the washing into dark and lights, pairing socks. Ok, it makes a 2 minute task into a 20 minute one, but it keeps him entertained for 20 minutes and it's one less thing I have to do once he goes to bed.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 21:53

@bomdigi I've let everything slip. I'm hardly even eating at all. Just making sure my son is fed. I should just cook for both of us but I don't even have an appetite. I have a court case running in the background so I've got that to think about too. Just feeling overwhelmed.

OP posts:
cardibach · 04/04/2020 21:56

As I understand it you could leave your DS with your mum when you work. You are allowed to take a child to childcare if you are an essential worker. There’s no reason the child minder shouldn’t be a family member as far as I’m aware.

Bomdigi · 04/04/2020 21:58

You really need to eat properly. Try cutting up some fruit and leaving it in a container in the fridge then you can pick at it, or even just crackers or something simple. Drink plenty of water too. It really does help.

Daftodil · 04/04/2020 22:00

It's supposed to be nice weather tomorrow. A bucket of water, a jug and a cup amused my DS most days last summer in the garden. Or can you plant something in the garden? Carrots or something?

PickleBottomNo3sMum · 04/04/2020 22:03

That sounds totally exhausting OP. Are there any other nurseries/childminders near you that are open for keyworkers children? Maybe it’s time to find a new CM? Obviously it’s her call, but if you’re working from home then the risk to her daughter would be much lower than say the child of a doctor or nurse. TBH it could be a possibility that she doesn’t want to open up for just one child. I hope you aren’t paying her still!

I have one that age too and it’s full-on. She craves attention all the time, destroys the house when she not getting it and won’t watch cebeebies unless I watch it with her.

I feel for you, I really do 💐

PickleBottomNo3sMum · 04/04/2020 22:05

Just seen that your dad is frontline NHS, that does change things slightly for the CM.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/04/2020 22:07

It is shit with a toddler trying to entertain them endlessly. You're doing the best you can at the moment.
I second a big basin of water in the garden tomorrow. DD watches some Mummy hack influencers they have some quirky ideas for entertaining, some messy play, painting with sensitive shaving foam.
I froze some toys in a tub of ice it took DS ages to break them out, though he is 5 so probably not suitable for a smaller child.

Dishwashersaurous · 04/04/2020 22:07

There’s no time restrictions on daily exercise. Put him in the buggy and walk and walk and walk and walk. The fresh air and exercise will do you both the world of good

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 22:08

Picklebottom I would never want to go to a different childminder, simply because she is amazing. My son has a really strong bond with her and I couldn't ask for more. Her daughter has been hospitalised 3 times this year with her asthma so I really don't blame her.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 22:09

X post

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 04/04/2020 22:09

And the local council are coordinating childcare for key workers. Call your family service on Monday and they will help find a nursery provision for him so you can work

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 04/04/2020 22:10

Jug of water in the garden is a great idea. Thank you.

OP posts:
Needallthesleep · 04/04/2020 22:17

Yes 100% with you. I have a two year old, a full time demanding job that I still need to do, I’m pregnant with my second so shattered. The two year old has (through their own choice, I have made meals she likes) lived off milk for the past four days. She refuses anything else. I feel like a horrendous mum, and know it’s not good for her. But I don’t have the energy to fight it.

Anyway, misery loves company I hear, so am offering some company :)

Samtsirch · 04/04/2020 22:21

Perhaps not helpful but your son’s behaviour may be changing anyway simply due to his age/ stage of development, this may be exacerbated by him picking up on your anxiety due to the lockdown.
I know it’s difficult but try to stay as calm you can.Your child is not hurt or in any danger, just carry on trying to keep him occupied and accept that sometimes he will feel frustrated or will want to cry.

PippaPegg · 04/04/2020 22:28

His original childminder will still be there after restrictions are lifted OP. No one is suggesting to move his provision permanently. Just to get the provision you need so you can get through this bit.

Bear in mind no one is timing your 1h permitted outdoor time

Tigger001 · 04/04/2020 22:28

You are definitely not a shit mum, it's so hard once they go through these changes and you don't know what to do for the best.

Does he like water ? Out in the garden/in the bath with little bowls of water and cups /jugs, tipping from one to the other splashing about.
In the garden painting, you can even give them a paintbrush and water and just let them "paint" anything
Do some baking ?
Does he like music, put some on have a dance with him.
Or go for an hour long walk just telling him everything you see

Give yourself a break and Really don't be so harsh on yourself..

Daftodil · 04/04/2020 22:31

Also @twinkletits99, here's an easy toddler recipe I was given that my DS loves doing (no flour or eggs, so relatively mess free!):

1 mashed banana
100g oats
150ml milk

Mix together and put in a greased/lined loaf tin, 200C for 25-30 minutes. You can stick to just those 3 ingredients or can add whatever you have in the cupboard (handful of raisins, spoonful of peanut butter, choc chips etc) or you can replace the milk with yogurt. It turns out nicely every time regardless of what goes in it (I think we used shredded wheat once as we were out of oats and it was still ok!). It'll keep your son entertained for a bit and will give you something nice to snack on too.

Yester · 04/04/2020 22:32

I forget what age thwy can do stuff but water painting kept mine occupied for ages. (Big bowl if water and house paint brush. Let them "paint" the house/fence/ grass etc)

Daftodil · 04/04/2020 22:36

Oh, and chalks for the garden are a winner too if you have a patio bit or stepping stones you can draw on.

kiki22 · 04/04/2020 22:43

I keep saying the people with under 3's will be hit the hardest out if all the (NT) parents. We have introduced our 3 year old to his tablet which was his brothers gave him games and let him watch you tune videos because it keeps us all sane.

This time last year he would have been so much harder

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