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AIBU?

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Original poster

Noise from child upstairs

33 replies

FelineUK · 03/04/2020 19:40

AIBU to have had enough of the noises coming from upstairs flat, and to want to tell the occupants to try to keep it down specifically referring to their 3 year old. Ever since she was a baby, she has cried from dawn to dusk and now, she literally screams and hollers from the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed, and this can be anything up to 12 midnight when she's still running around!! She gets into such a state that she starts coughing.. has a break and then starts screaming again; and then she literally hollers like one of those whooping monkeys, getting louder and higher. Her bedroom is above ours and last night from 12.15 to 12.45 it started.. screaming at the top of her lungs. I think her parents - two very decent people - are of the 'ignore it and it'll go away' school of parenting.. and at no time did I hear them go into her bedroom. I'm not sure if she's got behavioural issues which may explain something but the noise is just too much - there is no soundproofing - we can even hear the guy when he pees (naïve DH thought it was the flush!! )

As they're nice people, DH doesn't want to speak with them about it as he think it's just me with a problem so ok, it's driving me mental, especially being stuck in the home all the time now. What would be a polite way of making them aware of the noise without causing any problems with them (I think he would be really apologetic, not so sure about her..)

OP posts:
Russell19 · 03/04/2020 19:44

It is annoying but sur they aren't doing it on purpose. Hate to say this but it kind of comes with the territory of living in a flat.

RibenaMonsoon · 03/04/2020 19:48

Honestly I imagine they are very aware if the noise. Sadly there is no mute button they are going to be able to press for you. They are going to be very much aware of how much of a commotion she's making and are sick of it themselves as they are having to live with it more so than you are.

It must be really crappy especially now that you are stuck at home having to hear it constantly but I can't see how bringing something to their attention that they already know is going to help.

Monhysteria · 03/04/2020 19:50

Agree annoying, but as above, that’s what comes living in a flat. You might tell the parents about the noise but in no way are they going to be able to change it if she’s done it her whole life.

My neighbours kids are learning (for the fourth day in a row) the baby shark song on the piano. So I feel you, but maybe get some of those foam ear plugs.

BunnytheBee · 03/04/2020 19:50

YANBU for being annoyed. I would hate that. But what can they do?

Having said that I wonder whether they are aware how much the noise passes especially if she’s above your bedroom

my2bundles · 03/04/2020 20:23

Sorry to say you might have to put up with it for now, it's not like they can take the toddler to a park in play centre or anywhere to release all the energy. My older kids are getting fed up, X that by 100 for a toddler who has no understanding of the situation.

peajotter · 03/04/2020 20:59

Normally I’d say speak to them, and state which rooms are a struggle for you at night/ in the morning, see if you can work out some solutions.

However with Coronavirus, being stuck in a flat with a hyperactive 3yo must be horrific. Leave it for now, they can’t help it.

BrooHaHa · 03/04/2020 21:02

Does the screaming sound distressed? If so, to be entirely honest, I would probably call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 and see what they think you ought to do.

Anoisagusaris · 03/04/2020 21:04

If they are ignoring her, then there is clearly something they can do about it - go to her! Jesus who leaves a 3 yr in that state.

givemeacall · 03/04/2020 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FelineUK · 03/04/2020 21:06

It's actually a detached house split into two maisonettes..

Wooding flooring doesn't help, might soften the noises if floors were carpeted. I think the guy would be mortified if we knew we could hear him pee! (A bit embarrassing too when we have guests..)

They do have a garden but the parents only want to spend 10-15 mins out there with her then they all go back in.

We were planning to move this year.. ah well.. ear plugs it is!

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/04/2020 21:07

I understand self soothing, but a three year old in that awful state I would be concerned.

HermanTheWorm · 03/04/2020 21:08

My youngest was this child. The likelihood is that she has eds (at the beginning of getting her properly looked at) and all the ever did was scream and cry, Day and night, from the moment she was born. She also has SEN. My point being, I know how that she can talk to me about the pains she gets, that she's been in pain at night since she was small. No one else would have known because I didn't, and I took her repeatedly to the doctors but where I used to be, they wouldn't look at her. I was in a flat and the other tenants probably thought I was torturing her. You don't know what's going on up there

Original poster
FelineUK · 03/04/2020 21:09

Agree.. she could have fallen out of bed, had a nightmare.. you simply don't ignore a child who's having hysterics for whatever reason (and no way one could have slept through that!!).

OP posts:
Ontheblackhill · 03/04/2020 21:11

I used to live in a masionette like this and the noise was awful for both parties. I recommend noise cancelling headphones to go to bed. I bet that what the parents are using!

Frezia · 03/04/2020 21:18

You often can't stop a child from crying, especially if she has SEN but it's concerning that she works herself into such a state and has coughing fits yet they don't even check on her. If you can hear them pee, surely you'd hear them go to her room and try to soothe her. That's not right at all. I second the previous poster, please contact NSPCC. The child could be neglected or worse; the fact they appear like decent people doesn't have to mean much at all.

Frezia · 03/04/2020 21:21

@Anoisagusaris I agree, ignoring a distressed three year old is dangerous and cruel.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 03/04/2020 21:25

My eldest was like this and we lived in a flat. Poor neighbours, but they were so understanding. He has been diagnosed with autism as a teen, which explains why lots of things have been so hard. He was literally born miserable and cried and shouted for a lot of the time, day and night. I was amazed when I had other children that they weren't all like this as he was my first I knew no different! We obviously love him and are very proud of him!

Hannah021 · 03/04/2020 21:27

Yanbu

I can imagine, i lived next to a single father, and the kid would rarely have a tantrum. But when he does. The whole building shakes. Couldnt have that continuously.

You'd better look to move, if they could do much about it, they would have done. I feel sorry for them, they clearly need help

Samtsirch · 03/04/2020 21:38

If you are genuinely concerned about the child I would contact nspcc as pp has said.
I wonder though about the noise they are tolerating from you?
People living in flats hear sounds from upstairs/ downstairs/ both sides.
Every sound must be magnified during the lockdown situation.

BAYouTFall · 03/04/2020 21:43

@FelineUK I understand your pain!

Since the stay at home advice the upstairs flat has now taken up working out at least 3-4 times a day it’s been hell. The other neighbour to the side has decided to blast music every morning for 2 hours minimum, from that and the constant jumping up and down I can’t take it, I actually wanted to cry today.
I’m trying to school my child whilst also working from home and no one has any consideration for anyone.

Hannah021 · 03/04/2020 21:51

@BAYouTFall some ppl dont know how noisy they are... I'd leave them a kind note that you understand they r in their homes and free to do what they want, and that sadly its difficult to contain sounds in ones home, and you'd appreciate if they reduce the volume of the music during work hours or teaching hours... If they r shitty neighbours unlucky for u

LilacTree1 · 03/04/2020 21:55

I’d report it
If they don’t go to her room when she’s screaming, something might be amiss. Poor child.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 03/04/2020 21:59

Unwelcome noise can be drowned out by playing loud music of your choice. If your loud music coincides with the screaming child, their thumping work out or drowns out their loud music every time, then they'll catch on quick enough.

Littleninja1 · 03/04/2020 22:05

I'd speak to them. I hate noise and have spoken to our neighbours. It doesn't make me popular but it stopped me going mad. Neighbours should be considerate to each other. Let them know the issue, especially the noise at night. At the least they could add a thick rug to block some of the noise through the floor.

Original poster
FelineUK · 03/04/2020 23:15

@samtsirch - we are extremely quiet couple in our 50s.. we both have our headphones on for tv or laptops.

It wouldn' t be so bad if she was put to bed at a decent time for a 3 year old but she's up and playing all night, every night, until they go to bed at 11, 12, or 1am - right now 11.15pm, the ceiling's bouncing and she's off howling again.

This has been happening for the last year - it's not something new.

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