Noise from child upstairs

[FelineUK]

AIBU to have had enough of the noises coming from upstairs flat, and to want to tell the occupants to try to keep it down specifically referring to their 3 year old. Ever since she was a baby, she has cried from dawn to dusk and now, she literally screams and hollers from the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed, and this can be anything up to 12 midnight when she's still running around!! She gets into such a state that she starts coughing.. has a break and then starts screaming again; and then she literally hollers like one of those whooping monkeys, getting louder and higher. Her bedroom is above ours and last night from 12.15 to 12.45 it started.. screaming at the top of her lungs. I think her parents - two very decent people - are of the 'ignore it and it'll go away' school of parenting.. and at no time did I hear them go into her bedroom. I'm not sure if she's got behavioural issues which may explain something but the noise is just too much - there is no soundproofing - we can even hear the guy when he pees (naïve DH thought it was the flush!! )

As they're nice people, DH doesn't want to speak with them about it as he think it's just me with a problem so ok, it's driving me mental, especially being stuck in the home all the time now. What would be a polite way of making them aware of the noise without causing any problems with them (I think he would be really apologetic, not so sure about her..)

I’m in agreement that I would be concerned for the child if you can’t hear her parents even trying to soothe her, I would be contacting the NSPCC for advice to begin with, it sounds horrible to live with and possibly the parents aren’t able to cope? Obviously you have met them whereas I have not, but if a child is screaming themselves into a coughing fit it doesn’t sound healthy for her

Speak to them. Our neighbours, 2 doors down, had a screamer. At the time, I was told she would grow up and eventually stop, but it ruined my fil’s last visit A before he died, we had to keep the doors closed in the height of summer due to her.

We eventually went round and asked the dad to do something, it was literally dawn to dusk, the 3 kids were put in the garden, elder sister ‘in charge’ (of winding up younger sister and making her scream with her constantly changing ‘rules’). It ruined our chance to go outside for ages.

You could ask them to intervene sooner, it’s only fair in the current situation.

My dd gets like this. She sounds like she's being tortured. Yet we're with her soothing her and she seems to not realise. It's horrible and can go on for hours.

During the day she's generally OK.. Yes the tantrums happen yes over every little thing some days and I'm very aware my neighbours can hear but I'm not going to give in to keep her quiet. Ie wanting a biscuit at 7 30 am. Choosing her breakfast then wanting soemthing different instantly. She'll learn.. But we've tried everything.
Somedays she's an angel it's weird.
I'm in a semi detached house and end of the street so only one neighbour can hear and tbh they have 2 kids who can be very noisy late at night.. Dd is in bed then and I just think ah well if I can hear them they can hear us. But I've always said if it's an issue please tell us.

You'll have to get your place professionally soundproofed. Or move. We are in exactly the same boat except we're in a semi-detached house with a family of 7 next door. It's a lovely, quiet, considerate neighbourhood and we've been here for 20+ years. These people have a proper karaoke machine and 'sing' from about 11am on and off til about 9pm whilst younger members scream all day in the garden. Then it seems to stop, oddly enough, til about midnight when the arguing, shouting and screaming kicks off again.

The only reason we haven't spoken to them is because of the lockdown. I can't imagine it will be taken very well and may well make things worse. Dh has been looking at soundproofing for all the party walls... ££££££££ but would be worth it. Either that or we'll move. God knows what state the housing market will be after the world gets back to any semblance of 'normal' .

It's hell and they just don't seem to have any social awareness.

How about you record on your phone what you are hearing and send it to them?

Tell them you would appreciate if they could work with you on this.

Tell them it is deeply distressing for you.

I think it's extremely selfish to decide to allow a child cry it out when you have neighbours below you.

It sounds like utter hell to me.

But I love peace and quiet.

It's completely unacceptable for them to ignore their child when she is making that level of noise. They chose to live in a flat, and they are being extremely inconsiderate.
YANBU.

I'd let them know how loud it is for you. Be polite but honest.
It's not on for them to let her scream all the time, for her sake as well as the neighbours.

I’ve lived in flats all of my adult life and have been exceptionally lucky never to have had noisy neighbours. Yes, I hear people walking about and, occasionally, I’m aware of their TV being on but not in a way that annoys me.

I can’t imagine how badly this must be affecting your quality of life, OP. Especially during the current lockdown when there are added stresses of being cooped up 24/7. I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to say something but it may well be the case that there’s little they’re going to be able to do in the short-term as this seems an established pattern. I also agree with previous posters who suggest that you should perhaps speak to someone if there’s a distressed child being left alone, particularly for long periods very late at night.

I hope you’re able to find some sort of solution.