I hate to seeing myself in pictures..

[letsjog]

Carrying more weight than I'd like large size 12 UK at 5'4" and a half. It's not flattering on me as it's also on my arms and face (first place to gain weight for me).

When I look in the mirror I don't mind my face but I look horrible and frumpy in any pictures that I haven't taken myself. My eyes/lips look much smaller than they look to me in the mirror and like they're being drowned out by my face. My arms make me look humongous.
I might be at a party hair/makeup done, when I look in the mirror I think I look good but then when I see pictures from the day I feel like crying.

I'm only in my 20s but feel I look 10years older and overweight to boot. DP took a picture today of me holding both DCs at once with minimal makeup and hair scraped back and when they were all looking at it I had to walk away and hold back tears at how awful I looked and so drastically different to what I think.
My confidence plummets everytime I see a picture of myself.

AIBU to feel this way?

I'm going to buck the trend here and admit that I usually look OK in photos... even candid ones.

I'm slim but I don't think it's anything to do with body size. My SIL is overweight but always looks fantastic in photos.

I've had this my whole adult life. Feel I look OK in the mirror (even very nice sometimes!) and then see a photo and want to cry. It's so different to how I think I look. I avoid photos and can feel very anxious if someone sends me a photo of myself. I'm the only one at work who hasn't put a photo of myself online or on the noticeboard. People tell me I look good but I feel they're just being kind out of pity. I don't know what the answer is.

Only thing I'd say is please don't let it stop you taking photos with your children, families and friends. I hated having my photo taken as a child / teenager and point blankly refused much of the time, which i now regret as I don't have many pics with people I cared deeply about and who have since passed away. Memories can get you through the tough times and photographs capture those special moments

I look like this in photographs.

It's tougher now I think with this photograph obsessed world. My photos seem to be 50/50 how they turn out and the bad ones get quickly deleted!

I loathe seeing photos of myself. Don't even really like looking in the camera, tbh. Part of it is that I've put on a little weight over the years, so I know what I have to do to feel better about it, but it's easier said than done.

Various family members want to take photos at gatherings, and I get why they do, but I hate it all the same. In the age of the selfie and everyone having a camera in their pocket 24/7, I can't remember the last time I took a photo of myself... There are very few photos of me around, from the last 10 or 15 years!

I look disgusting in photos. I'm about a three out of ten in real life but a one and a half in photos or on film. Horrible.

Ugh, looking in the *mirror, that should've said.

I got passport photos taken two months ago.

Ye gods!

This is me too.

I am carrying weight on my face but look completely normal in the mirror.

I look horrendous on Facetime - like a bloody boiled potato

I hate all pictures of me,and dont have very many/any were I think

"i look pretty there"

Mostly

"i look a bag of spanners"

Oh God my passport photo

I somehow manage to look like an ancient Victorian washerwoman whose photo was taken when she was sentenced in the workhouse

I'm only in my 30s

I don't really like photos of myself but I keep reminding myself that when I'm dead and buried, hopefully not for a long time yet of course, my children might like to see what I looked like when I was young, healthy and generally happy. I'd like there to be some proof of my existence!

I'm 40 now and when I look at photos of myself when I was 25 or 30 it's interesting to see how much I've changed. Photos that I hated then I like now. My children also love to look through them and ask about what I was doing and where I was.

I'm really fat after a horrendous bout of depression and I look shit in real life as well as in photos. Do you know what though? I don't care anymore. I've recently started working in healthcare and I get told over and over again that I am really lovely and kind and that people are drawn to me because I'm always smiling. Countless times I've been in a room with a patient with dementia who is confused and scared and out of all the healthcare professionals there it's my hand they want to hold and it's me they ask to look after them. I still don't like my face much but I'm coming to like the fact that I've so much more to offer than pretty looks.
We are all worthy, we are all beautiful to those that love us. Please get pictures with your lovely children, one day they will be all they have left to remember us by and they will be precious beyond measure

Same problem here. Look ok in the mirror but I am so ugly in pics and I really mean it . I just refuse to have my pic taken even with first baby granddaughter!! FaceTime is hideous...rarely use it !!

The way I understand this, it’s about perception. We often look at ourselves in the mirror from the same angle (s) with the same lighting and from the same height (our eye level). Even with all the selfie culture, we look at ourselves from the same perspective. So we perceive the way we look in a certain way, which is the way we expect ourselves to look (that’s what our brain is used to).
When others take pictures of us or we see our own reflection in a difference position, light, colours etc, it’s something completely different and we question it analyse it critically As we try to reassure ourselves that it is us after all (it probably starts with double checking if it really is us and then just a pose mental imagery and make comparisons with our self that we know and perhaps others if the new reflection jogs our memory to different images then it goes on and on).
But really we look exactly the same all the time but our brain is only used to seing one angle under a certain light.
We might not actually look as good as we imagine but I’m convinced we don’t look as bad as we think we do when looking at photographs.
And because we are aware of our own flaws (some serious, some imagined and some insignificant in the great scheme of things) that’s what we first look for. Of course those flaws are still there so of course we’ll still see them but from a different angle.
What with all these overly retouched photographs all over the internet and magazines, we are not exposed to as many ordinary looking people. And we see these ‘nice’ photographs without any movement, when we look at people in real life they are not static we simply can’t analyse them as we would a photograph. So we can’t win: flawless artificial perfect imagery vs ordinary people which we can’t look at properly to reassure ourselves that ordinary people are not that bad looking after all.
Most people don’t like the way they look in photographs but I bet if they looked at the same photograph repeatedly enough they’d get used to it, still see their imperfections but be quite pleased with the picture. Same as looking in the mirror.
I don’t often like photographs of myself, but when I look at them a few months or a year later I think they’re actually very good.
There might be a degree of delusion, so what?
Don’t avoid taking pictures with yourself and the children as they grow up, these will be treasured memories for both you and them in years to come.
As for weight issues, again, we are trained to see a certain body size and shape over and over again so anything out of that standard will appear overly over sized even if it is not so in real life. Arms do tend to look oversized even in toned average sized women when photographed but certain angles capture this better than others. But then if you saw the arm which looks perfection photographs, you’ll find it appears way too skinny in real life. Who can possibly win at this?
Enjoy what you have and, as you grow a bit older every half decade or so, cherish what you’ve got left and make the most of it.
The majority of people are not perfect and they know it, but lots accept it is who they are. Lots of people are not photogenic, they look fine in real life but it simply doesn’t translate into photographs. Others are the opposite. Others are both photogenic and nice looking. We are all different and we should be at peace with it.

I'm below average looking in real life, even worse in photos; being a bit overweight doesn't help. But, I'm quite a nice person, my friends seem to like me, my DC tolerate me(!) and I'm not to fussed about attracting a partner, so tend to ignore that I'm not particularly good looking.

When you're a healthier weight it's likely you'll feel better about it but I think you should also focus on placing less importance on it, photos are notorious for being unflattering

I hate myself in photos since having ds who is now 7! I think there are probably about 4 or 5 photos of me and ds together in existence and as a family of 3, 3 that I'm aware of. I dont let anyone take a photo of me by myself. I havnt done for about 4 years. Not even selfies.

@Branster this is fantastic. Thank you so much for what you have written, so articulate and kind.

@Sicario, thanks for cheering me up with that pic. The thing I hate is seeing my reflection on my phone screen, and I'm sure it's aged me being on the phone far too much. My mum used to say pull a face often enough and you'll stay like it! Going back to photographs people who have nice teeth and smile fare better me thinks.

I also much prefer my mirror image to photos. I know a woman who wouldn’t be described as good looking by most in real life, but is absolutely stunning in photos. I think it’s down to the bone structure.

I was shopping recently and saw my reflection in the window of the supermarket door. Fucking hell. No way is that ME.

Both my mum and aunt hated their photos taken. My mum would always clench her jaw and looked like 'Jean Rook' who older posters may know was a journo with the Daily Express!

God I'm exactly the same. I loom in the mirror and think, hmmm, that'll do. One photo later and I'm reaching for sugar. Could you watch some YouTube videos on how to take a flattering photo?

I quite like how I look in the mirror and in my head I'm an absolute stunner.
Photos make me look like an unkempt, ugly women 15 years older than I actually am.
I look back at photos of events where I felt I looked amazing and I can't believe the photos and how I could feel so good if that had been how I was walking around.
Very few photos exist of me and my DC