Is swearing at your partner abuse?

[LaylaLove123]

DP and I have been together for 1 year. Before lockdown we decided he should come and stay with me and DD who is 6. When he turned up a couple of weeks ago he had a puppy with him. I am not allowed to have puppies in my rental property. We had discussed getting a dog once we moved in together, but he had gone out and bought one anyway without mentioning it to me first, in fact he actively told me he wouldn't get a dog. The dog will make it significantly harder to see one another - I don't particularly want him bringing the dog here as I am not allowed to have one in my tenancy. It also means weekends away etc. are going to be a lot more difficult. I explained all of this to him before but he has bought one anyway. Fine.

Last week my DD was crying as she'd fallen over, he was dealing with it. She stopped crying, but once I came into the room she began to cry more and whine for attention. I intervened and gave her a cuddle, to which point he said 'fuck you both then' and stormed off. A couple of hours later I went to talk to him about his inappropriate language and the puppy issue and he kept looking at his phone the whole time. I asked him to leave but he said he couldn't for 7 days as we are in lockdown and please could he stay, he wouldn't cause any more situations.

We have been rubbing along ok, until this afternoon when I returned from a walk and the puppy was running freely around my house. I'd specifically asked him to keep the dog in the dining room as it has wooden floors, the puppy keeps having accidents, chewing and I am not allowed a dog. It is the room that will be minimally destroyed by having a puppy in it and I am worried about my landlady finding out. I asked him to please keep the puppy in the dining room, to which he said 'well we will be fucking off home soon anyway.' All of this is in earshot of DD.

I then asked him if he would speak to his mum is this way (he wouldn't), and I told him that my request to keep the dog in one room is reasonable and his reactions are abusive and abnormal.

I have asked him to categorically leave and that I do not want to be with him anymore. AIBU to think this is abuse and not normal behaviour?

He said fuck you to your 6 year old?! Bye!!!!
Get rid!!!

Tbh swearing in a relationship when arguing isn’t great but it happens. Never at someone’s child!!! And never so quickly into a disagreement

Tell him to fuck off and take his dog with him, you don't want this horrible shit near your kid.

Get him out of your house now.

Isolation or not, I would be showing him and the pup the door.
No way would I tolerate bad language in front of the kids.
My kids are adults now and their father still doesn't swear in front of the kids.

This is abuse.

Kick him out now!

Well, he swears at a child, and he purposely puts your tenancy at risk by bringing a dog into your house despite you telling him no. He’s certainly a dick who doesn’t respect you. Whether he would go on to be full on abusive or not is something you’ve sensibly decided to avoid finding out, so well done.

I think that once you lose respect for your partner to the point that you are swearing at them and name-calling, it’s very hard to recover from that and ultimately it’s the death knell for the relationship.

It isn’t necessarily abuse, which implies a systematic taking advantage of a power imbalance, and I think that calling any “not nice” behaviour abuse belittles actual abusive behaviour. But no, it’s not normal behaviour and it’s not how you should ever treat your partner. Get him to move out.

i would never let himm near my child again and he sounds like an all round wanker anyway. Make him leave before this escalates.

Nah he needs to go. Somethings you just dont say to a child! What an arsehole

So many red flags. Get rid of him!

He has no respect for you, your child or your house. It's time for him to leave.

Get rid, you deserve better.

I think the swearing is the least of your worries here.

He said WHAT to your daughter. What the fuck?.

I hope you’ve kicked him out.

He needs to be gone right now. Police won't get you into trouble for throwing someone like that out during this time - if he's doing all of this early on, he will get violent later on. It's self preservation.

He is a bad egg. Him speaking to you and your daughter like that is the biggest red flag ever. Get rid for your daughters sake.

No, no, no, no, no. Red flags. This behaviour 1 year in will, I assure you, will only get worse not better
Stick to your guns and send him packing. Your daughter and you deserve better treatment.

No excuses. Get rid of him and the dog.

Technically I wouldn’t call it ‘abuse’ but it’s dickish behaviour, and he needs to leave ASAP.

I'm absolutely shocked that you haven't kicked him out.

Please show him to the door. I'm actually a teensy bit scared for you.

Get him and his dog out. I don’t think swearing at an adult is abuse, but no chance anyone is swearing at my kids.

Get rid now, definitely should not be swearing in front of your daughter. With a short temper like that I wonder how long it'll be before the poor pup is on the receiving end..

Get rid!!!! Who the hell does he think he is!!!!

It’s abuse in my opinion and to keep bringing such a nasty man around your DD is a very bad idea. The fact that he could swear at you and inadvertently a 6 year old shows that he has no respect for you or for the relationship. No matter how angry he is.

His impulsive behaviour buying a dog when he knows you can’t have one (disregarding your feelings) and they way he has spoken to you are major red flags in a relationship that hasn’t been that long. He could turn worse and nastier.