Big argument with DH

[bennyboy20]

I was chatting online with some friends earlier today and we were discussing what would happen once life returns to normal, and if any habits formed during the pandemic would continue.

One friend said that she hoped her parents would continue to cut back on their alcohol consumption, as they had done since the lockdown started and were feeling much better in themselves.

I then commented that I hoped DH's parents would also cut back, as they do drink an awful lot and DH's dad has been hospitalised with high blood pressure, stroke etc in the past, and has been told by the doctor to cut back.

Came off the call and DH has gone nuts at me, saying that I have been disrespectful of his parents to my friends (none of which know his parents). Between the two of us we have openly discussed his parents drinking in front of other friends and he has told me recently he was getting concerned how much they were drinking.

He's now stomping round the house shouting and waking up our DC from their naps. AIBU that I think he's overreacted? I have apologised to him, but I was just stating fact and that I hoped they would cut back a bit (not give up altogether!)

🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd be pissed off too. Saying to his friends that your mum is a pain in the ass is not the same as you discussing his father's alcohol intake and medical history. Why would you share that?

You are both unreasonable. You shouldn't have talked about his parents and he shouldn't be acting like a 2 year old. I'd also ask why he can complain about your mum to his friends but you're not allowed to do the same.

Oh gosh I really don't know... my initial thought YANBU....as he will talk about your mum to his friends. I also think it depends on the context on which it was said...
"yeh my in laws drink far too much... anyways down the pub staggering home embarrasing themselves etc etc... " not a good way to talk about them.
But OTH ," I'm so glad my in laws have realised they don't need to drink as much. They're not in the best of health and I / we have been very concerned for them" doesn't seem bad at all.
For me it would also depend on which friend (s) I was taking too... I have a couple of friends who I would trust implicitly with this kind of information ... and others I would never ever mention it to.
However I do think your DH is BU if he hasn't yet accepted your apology and perhaps misjudgment of the situation.

Alcoholism is an extremely personal issue and I’d be pissed off if I found my partner openly discussing it on a chat forum with people I didn’t know.

It’s not your place to tell everyone about your husband’s private issues within his family.

I’d be well pissed off at dh if he discussed my parents alcohol consumption and medical history with a friend. Saying someone’s annoying is very different to telling people another persons medical history. Yabvu.

by ‘their’ I mean his parents - it’s private information

There are two things here, how your husband is feeling and how he behaves.

Hes within his rights to feel upset that you talked about his family with your friends.

Hes out of order to behave in a shitty way, shouting, and affecting the children.

He could have calmly explained that he didn't like it.

Why is he listening to your conversations with your friends? If he's happy to pass comment on your parents to his friends, he can't really have a tantrum when you mention his parents.

Hope he dealt with the children he woke up and has learnt something about eavesdropping.

Bluesrunthegame- he may have just heard in passing? I often hear the tail ends of my partner’s phone conversations but I certainly don’t eavesdrop. That’s not really the issue though, is it? If the OP was having an affair and talking to her other lover on the phone and her husband heard her, you wouldn’t say ‘oh well, it’s his own fault for eavesdropping’, would you?

What a silly comment.

I'd be pissed off too. Saying to his friends that your mum is a pain in the ass is not the same as you discussing his father's alcohol intake and medical history. Why would you share that?

I disagree. If he’s happy to shit on his MIL to others then his wife taking to her friends about hoping PIL will cut their alcohol consumption because she clearly CARES about them is nothing.

@Helmlover1 you’re deluded

I then commented that I hoped DH's parents would also cut back, as they do drink an awful lot and DH's dad has been hospitalised with high blood pressure, stroke etc in the past, and has been told by the doctor to cut back

That's much more than just saying they drink a lot - you've gone on to detail FILs health issues & also medical advice given to him. You are a gossip. I'm not surprised your H is mad with you.

Let him have his strop and cool down. Then you can approach him and hopefully sort this out. Not sure if you can/will though because you are so wrong, yet you've started a thread here because you think you're right.

SharonasCorona- Why? Because I disagree with you? In fact, you’ve added nothing constructive to this thread so bore off.

Because you have one rule for OP and one for her husband.

You’re not the thread police yo know. Telling people they’re silly and to bore off. So mature.

It's probably a bit humiliating for him, his parents' drinking, and something he's not comfortable sharing.
Handle him with kid gloves, offer him the promise of respecting boundaries in the future, tell him you're sorry and explain that you were coming from a loving place of concern for his parents. Try and understand where he's coming from and let him vent (even if he's upset with you). Start again tomorrow. Clean slate.

SharonasCorona- What are you going on about now? If the roles were reversed and the OP’s husband was divulging personal information about the OP’s mum to his mates then I’d be saying exactly the same thing.

He is probably a mixture of worried about them, annoyed about the situation, anxious, perhaps embarrassed and ashamed etc. It’s bad enough having parents with drink problems , never mind now.
My DH once told all his work colleagues about my Dads alcohol problems. He was sharing that he was worried about me etc. but I was furious. It wasn’t his news to tell
You were way out of line discussing it with anyone else. His tantrum is childish but you’ve hurt him. Let him come around.