Big argument with DH

[bennyboy20]

I was chatting online with some friends earlier today and we were discussing what would happen once life returns to normal, and if any habits formed during the pandemic would continue.

One friend said that she hoped her parents would continue to cut back on their alcohol consumption, as they had done since the lockdown started and were feeling much better in themselves.

I then commented that I hoped DH's parents would also cut back, as they do drink an awful lot and DH's dad has been hospitalised with high blood pressure, stroke etc in the past, and has been told by the doctor to cut back.

Came off the call and DH has gone nuts at me, saying that I have been disrespectful of his parents to my friends (none of which know his parents). Between the two of us we have openly discussed his parents drinking in front of other friends and he has told me recently he was getting concerned how much they were drinking.

He's now stomping round the house shouting and waking up our DC from their naps. AIBU that I think he's overreacted? I have apologised to him, but I was just stating fact and that I hoped they would cut back a bit (not give up altogether!)

🤷🏻‍♀️

*Other people that he doesnt know

He may feel comfortable discussing it openly with certain people he knows but it doesnt mean its ok to openly discuss it yourself with anyone you want to. If he wants to tell others thats upto him..not your place to

I don't think you should worry about this, but only worry that your partner is being childish. You were not really criticising parents, but merely discussing your hopes for better things later.

YABU.

You should have spoken about your own habit changing.

I would be furious if I was him too.

The fact that you clearly don't have an issue with him talking about your mum to his mates, is another matter.

Plus saying she can be a pain...is nowhere near as bad as telling ppl his parents effectively have a drink problem.

Maybe you should both stop talking about your parents in a negative manner to other people.

No good comes from that kind of talk.

My Dh has huge issues with his parents, I agree with him entirely and discuss it with him.

I wouldn't talk about them to anyone else though. It's really not my place to do that!

Forget about the alcohol consumption for a minute.

You also told your friends that DH's dad has been hospitalised with high blood pressure, stroke etc in the past, and has been told by the doctor to cut back.

Why the hell do you think you have the right to broadcast your FIL’s personal medical history & doctor’s advice?

I think it was an inappropriate thing for you to discuss with your friends, but he is also behaving badly by stomping around and disrupting your children.

I can understand why he found that annoying and invasive of his parents' privacy. However, you've apologised and you can't change the past. He needs to get over it and move on.

I think you were being disrespectful.

He’s a hypocrite but two wrongs don’t make a right.

I'd go out and leave him to deal with the grumpy children for one.

And every time he makes any negative comment about your mum make sure you react exactly the same.

Having a moan about someone is one thing, disclosing medical information is completely different.

You went too far with what you shared.

YABVU What you have done is hugely disrespectful. Would you like to tell your PIL what you’ve said about them? No? Didn’t think so.

I’ve got no time for stomping and sulking and anyone who’s wakes the baby with a strop would feel the fiery wrath so I’m amazed people are defending him.

Fair enough if he’s upset but he’s meant to be a fucking adult and able to express his feelings in a measured way. He’s being a complete arsehole.

YABU but he’s reaction seems a tad extreme if he’s slamming doors and waking children.
How is he normally? Does he usually react like this? Is he a private person and perhaps didn’t appreciate you sharing information about his parents

@bennyboy20 You were definitely being unreasonable. You had absolutely NO RIGHT whatever to discuss your DH's parents alcohol consumption with anyone. I would have be furious if my DH had done this. In fact DH did something vaguely similar one time, and I went off one one so bad that he never did it again.

One time I got mixed my drinks and was sick from it (some 10 years ago.) Not my finest hour, but shit happens. Hasn't happened for 10 years, and hadn't happened for 15 years before that.

DH thought it would be a hilarious anecdote to tell all his work colleagues, friends, and our family and neighbours. I heard him on the phone laughing out loud at how I was a drunken old mare, who was falling about everywhere throwing up, and didn't know my arse from my elbow. He was talking to his mate from work.

When he came off the phone, I went mad. I said 'did you seriously just tell your fucking WORKMATE that I was a drunken old mare who vomited everywhere?' He was baffled as to why I was bothered, and said 'it's only a laugh... it was funny...' When I dug deeper, it emerged her had told his brother too, AND our next door neighbour. So all the family, the neighbourhood, and HIS workplace would potentially know about it in no time.

I said, 'ok then I will tell them about when you got so pissed that you fell out of the car into the road after undoing your seatbelt when I was fucking driving, and then rolled into the middle of the road. THEN a police car came along and arrested you for being drunk and disorderly. How about everyone at your work gets to know THAT little gem!'

'Well that was five years ago!' he said indignantly. I said 'I don't care! It's a fun anecdote to tell everyone!!! SURELY you don't mind'

'OK' he said, 'I won't tell anyone else then!'

The damage was done though!

Within a week, I had about ten or twelve different people taking the piss out me, 'hilariously' pretending to fall about and stagger, and also fake-vomiting/dry heaving, just before bursting out into peals of LOUD laughter. Fucking hilarious. Thanks DH you twat.

It was a good half a year before people stopped taking the piss out of me.

I am on the fence about your situation.

On the one hand it really isn't your place to talk about his parents to your friends.
On the other hand, he is a massive hyprocrite because he does the same with your parents to his friends.

He is however massively unreasonanle to loudly agrue about this and wake up the kids.

So TL;DR:
You are both unreasonable in this situation. I think you should appologize to each other and he should appologize to the kids aswell.

He has done! He will openly complain about my mum being a bit of a pain in the backside with his friends (and I agree with him, she can be!!)

Well then he’s a hypocrite. Ask him why there’s one rule for him and another for you.

You had no right to discuss your in-laws medical issues with your friends, not their drinking habits. I too would be furious. It's worlds away from saying someone is a pain in the arse.

Nor their drinking habits.

I would be annoyed too. None of their business how his parents act.

Regardless of what OH does, I would never discuss my MIL with my friends. It is pretty disrespectful.

I talk about pretty much everything with my friends.... that's what friends are for

YABU.

I'd feel similarly to you loathe tolerating other people's alcohol dependency for the sake of politeness but you were out of order to criticise his parents to strangers.

I'd feel really hurt if my spouse or partner was commenting about my dad to his friends. You've made your friends think badly of them without even having met him. It's really disrespectful.

Regardless of what OH does, I would never discuss my MIL with my friends. It is pretty disrespectful.

But fine for DH to discuss his MIL with his friends? That's what he's doing.

Very disrespectful