To cancel day trip to London (C/O)

[CheesecakeAddict]

I'm trying to figure out what on earth I should do for the best here. Dd is 2 y/o. Exh lives in London and we live way up in the north. We have a court order that I have to take her down once per month and he picks her up from a central London station. Exh still wants me to take her down even though that will mean exposing dd to the train, tube, another train. On a selfish level, it also means I have to spend 7 hours hanging about London with everything closed and I'm asthmatic so I don't want to expose myself either.

I don't want to expose her (she already has a heart condition), but I know he will take legal action if I break the court order and I'm getting mixed messages from cafcass. Their argument is that I got the family car so technically could do a 6 hour drive each way to enable contact 🙄. I really don't know what to do. Staying at his house is also not an option, due to previous DV.

Another voting for DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER THIS.

I also wouldn’t take her.
Could you offer, in writing, to do regular FaceTime calls instead? At least then you look like you are trying to maintain some form of contact rather then saying you are not going. Just a thought. Might show you are willing.

The government guidelines are to stay at home. That's it really. I wouldn't imagine they would consider this an essential journey and a: you probably won't be able to get a train all the way as there are very limited services and b: police are stopping vehicles on major motorways etc and asking where people are going. You don't need to say anything to your other half apart from you are not "allowed" to travel at this time.

Email him your reasons + offer alternatives so that you can show you are making an effort to maintain contact. The only sensible solution, for the time being, is facetime.

Do not go to London, doing so could even be used against you in the future.

If you have a solicitor, have them write letter to the court (and him) outlining the reasonable reasons for withholding contact in London at this time.

Why doesn’t your exh travel to see her himself? Of course don’t go.

That link says it! You are not allowed to take her.

Regarding driving 6 hrs. there and 6 hrs. back with a 2 year old alone is not reasonable and may be dangerous if she starts screaming/has a problem etc. and distracts you from driving. Similarly by rail and tube - aside from virus - will connections even be running as all rail and tube services have been reduced?

Suggest he comes to you, and offer weekly FaceTime/zoom sessions. I'm actually in two camps because whilst you shouldn't be using public transport, your dc deserves to see their father, it's just he should be the one travelling

Don't go. If he pursues court for this, the judge will be furious with him

I wouldn’t take any child and no court in this country will go against you as it’s not safe to take her nor is it essential travel. I would send him an email stating I will not be taking x down to London as this entails x,y and z levels of risk if I take public transport. I also cannot drive as it is not an essential journey and if my car breaks down puts x and me plus recovery people at risk (again detail the risks very clearly). Ensure you highlight every single risk and I would also make a nice point on the end of saying I know you love x dearly and want keep him/her safe but still have contact so I am happy to facilitate Skype or face time contact for this period of time. If you have a solicitor cc them into this email too.

If he takes legal action you are showing you are acting in your child’s best interest, following government guidelines and offering him a virtual contact session so not being unreasonable.

Definitely don't go. I agree with others and offer video calls.

A 2 year old is hardly going to miss their once a month contact with their dad.

Hopefully it will only last 3 month in which case she will have missed 3 visits. It's hardly the end of the world.

Travelling across the country like that is absolutely not essential.

He’s a lousy father. Email to tell him why you’re not exposing your vulnerable DD to infection, so you have wriiten evidence.

Not a court in the land would insist you did this they’re shut anyway

They’re not shut, but they’re very unlikely to entertain enforcement proceedings in OPs case unless, as a PP said, there’s a long history of obstructive behaviour. Though even in that event, I can’t see any judge expecting a child to travel this kind of distance in these exceptional circumstances.

Utter lunacy for him to even consider this course of action. Your dd has a heart condition ffs! Def email and tell him no but offer Skype/FaceTime or similar so as to look like you are doing your best to co-operate.

No way would I do a 12-hr round trip in one day. DH and I did a 14 hr round trip recently between us and it was exhausting, and that's without a 2 year old in tow.

Sounds like you're listening to sensible advice not to go, OP, that's good to hear.

Don't go into detail explaining your position. You don't need to say much beyond what he's asking for is unreasonable, it's not in the best interests of your daughter, and the alternative measures you're willing to provide to facilitate contact. If he pushes you, stick to "broken record" routine on those basics.

Don't tell any white lies as suggested above. That would be handing him a weapon to use against you in the future.

Good luck with you both staying safe at home.