Constant rows with 'D'P

[sallycinnamon14]

I know this is a difficult time. I know that I am half to blame as I've had bad attitude and temper myself.

But god, we have never argued more. I'm finding it so hard being stuck home. I love taking the kids out, socialising, going places. Dp is naturally more introverted and less social so in a way that side isn't bothering him. But I feel he isn't pulling his weight. We are both working from home but I seem to be the one entertaining the kids, doing housework, walking dogs, if I ask for his help it's always the same 'I'm working' but I am too!

The garden is in disarray and this could be a great time to tidy it up but when he's not working he'll please himself. Read a book, play his Xbox, go for a solo run. It's like a little holiday for him! And so along with being stressed and worried and anxious with everything I'm now incredibly frustrated with him and his selfishness!

I snapped yesterday and called him lazy. We ended up rowing (kids were thankfully outside and didn't hear) but it got quite unpleasant. I really don't know if it's the pressure of the situation or true colours becoming clearer now we are so confined but I'm finding it hard to tolerate him. To add the kids are mine from previous marriage and dp and I have been together 4 years and always got along fairly well but now I'm finding myself rethinking the relationship

Thanks for all the replies guys! I must admit I did find the LTB comments a bit disproportionate to his crimes. I think a lot of the tension and bad atmosphere has come from me snapping and being generally pissed off so I will hold my hands up to that. There are ways of asking for things and I think if I was a bit more pleasant about it than I would see better results.

I get frustrated because he doesn't choose to just help out off his own back and it sometimes just feels like another person to tidy up after.

If I didn't spend my days off doing chores there'd never be any time to get them done. I'm talking big things like a deep clean of the bathroom/kitchen and things like that (gets wiped down daily). I can think of a lot of things I'd rather do on my day off but someone has to it.

And yes the kids are mine and it's obvious I should shoulder the majority of the care and entertainment which is a full time job in itself at this time! But when I'm working, he's day off and they're running riot it would be nice if he could just do something to help ease the load. I'm not talking about every day just a token gesture would make me feel more appreciated.

Things have change, you are in a new configuration, so things have to change in your relationship. Think agile, flexibility, adaptation. You cannot do all of the adapting, the flex, the agility, supple as you are, you will get to your breaking point. But you have to bring it up in a constructive manner, a way that brings results. Not just fighting and upheavel. You can't play Martha forever, you have to look after yourself and take care of your needs. You are your first GP. Stop the Martha thread and take care of yourself. Nobody ever won the fight against cleaning. Apart from covid-19 necessary cleaning, which you should share as adults, you can let everything else drop. If the kids are big enough they should participate in eliminating the dirt and grime that they are creating daily. You have the right to relax too. You have the right to time off and it has to be planned with your partner like anything else, the father of your kids has a role to play as well. When you have time off from the kids, please do not engage in cleaning activities. For your own mental health,replenish yourself. It's a marathon. Usually there a loads of good advice on mumsnet. Usually. The good mums must have loads on their hands right now in the real world. All the best OP, nobody is perfect, we don't have to transform into monsters, nor allow it to happen to our close ones.

Have a chat when you're not pissed off. Say now that we're at home all the time we need to share chores equally and divide them up. Include the DC too.

I agree with the beginning bit, pick a 'good time' for you both.

Before you say 'we need to share chores equally' bear in mind that his behaviour demonstrates the exact opposite. He plays while you do the chores.

I would start with how do you feel about how we are dividing the chores.

And tell him that you feel you are doing more than you need to and want to find a fairer way in these unprecedented times.

Standards may need to slip but you do all need to eat and the dog needs walking etc.

If you can get him to agree to an equal split and actually do that equal split, or even a fair split given your children, you might feel better about it all

Good luck