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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to stop night time toilet training 4.5 year old?

43 replies

Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:30

All the advice I have read says signs child is ready are;
Dry nappies in the morning
Asking not to wear bedtime nappy
Waking up to go to toilet

I have been waiting patiently since toilet trained during the day aged 2.5years. Now 4.5 years and school round the corner we decided just to try it.

2 weeks later, lifting for pee between 10 and 11pm, limiting drinks after 6pm. Only rare dry night (2-3). Wakes up around 3am soaked, pee is cold so expect he has been lying there wet then woke up when uncomfortable rather than due to pee/needing to pee.

Part of me thinks he just isn't ready so we should stop, other part says he is nearly 5 he must be ready persevere. My older child was well over 3 but just happened easily.

Normally would check in with health visitor or GP but not urgent enough in current circumstances.

Any advice? How long does it take? Should we keep going?

Aibu to stop toilet training?
YABU - takes time, keep going
YANBU - he isnt ready stop for now

OP posts:
Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:32

Should read

"Despite showing none of the signs we decided just to try it due to age"

OP posts:
LovingLola · 02/04/2020 10:37

Leave it
He’s not ready

Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:38

Only 2 votes and feel better already! Glad to keep going, just paranoid I was doing the wrong thing and it was a shame for DC to be wet and disturbed sleep. (Doesn't seem too bothered though)

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Lottieskeeper · 02/04/2020 10:39

My 4 and a half year old DD is nowhere near ready. Nappies are bursting full by morning.

I spoke to the HV about it and she said that it's not uncommon at this age and not to worry about it. See the GP if no improvement by the time she's 7.

She also said that when they are hormonally ready the urine smell will change to the same smell as a grown ups and it will become darker in colour.
She said that while its pale and smells more sweet that she's just not ready.

I'm not sure how true that is but I'm going with it.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/04/2020 10:40

It's linked to hormone production.

One of mine was 5 and 3 months (and in Yr1). The other was 4.5 and just about to start school. They went from full pull ups to completely dry in about 2 nights.

Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:42

Ok, now 50/50 and tbh that is how I feel.

Anyone have any experience of not much success for 2 weeks then falls into place?

Or making the decision to stick with nappies at night even though 4.5?

OP posts:
Goingtobeoldearly · 02/04/2020 10:42

Not ready. With the first child we tried all of that, she eventually went through at around 5 years old, the doctor at the time told us that it's not called bed wetting until around 7 years of age

Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:44

Cross post, thanks both of you. That is great to hear hv's advice and both of your experience.

OP posts:
HugoSpritz · 02/04/2020 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KipperTheFrog · 02/04/2020 10:46

Eldest DD is nearly 6, still in night time pull ups. It’s hormone related, not age. If the DC isn’t producing the hormone it’s not going to happen.

bluechameleon · 02/04/2020 10:46

If he isn't showing signs of readiness then he isn't ready. There's no point in persevering, it is a hormonal change. It is also totally normal to not be dry at night at 4, 5 or 6. 7 is the age you can seek help from NHS continence services.

inwood · 02/04/2020 10:46

Leave it. I have id twins, one was dry at night by at 4 the other 5.5.

JudgeRindersMinder · 02/04/2020 10:47

I agree with PPs. Save yourself the work, I don’t think night time toileting can be trained in the same way as daytime. My ds was about 8 before he was reliably dry at night, and was happy to use pull ups at night.

Soubriquet · 02/04/2020 10:47

Ds is 5 and still in pull ups at night

Besides you can’t train night time dryness. It’s hormone based

tootiredtoconga · 02/04/2020 10:50

You can't 'train' for night-time dryness. It's hormonal. You can help things along by avoiding fizzy drinks and fruit juices and making sure they drink lots of water during the day but no drinks after 6pm. But if they're not ready, they're not ready. Also don't worry about the school thing, it is absolutely fine if your DD starts school still wearing a pull up at night and she will certainly not be the only one. If she's not reliably dry at night by the time she's 6/7 then see the GP but she most likely will be.

tootiredtoconga · 02/04/2020 10:51

Sorry just realised you have a DS not DD, advice is the same though.

Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 10:53

Thanks all. Really useful to hear real life examples of children similar age and older to become dry at night. I have read this is possible, but never heard any real life examples.

Also good to know age 7 for referrals. Thanks for your experiences @HugoSpritz will look into mattress if needed in the future.

OP posts:
CroissantsAtDawn · 02/04/2020 11:00

DS1 got dry at 7.5. The meds didnt work but the alarm did (took 3 months).

DS2 is nearly 6 and only just coming out of nappies. Fortunately he's never been as wet as DS1 so we're managing it with no meds or alarms. He's currently at 11 dry nights in a row and has accepted wearing nappies until 14 nights (cos we took nappies off earlier on in the year then had to keep washing the duvet).

Stay calm and dont let him feel that its unusual. I read that 20 percent of 5 year olds wet the bed regularly.

Original poster
Sally872 · 02/04/2020 11:02

Have showed DH your comments too, both agree back to pull ups and wait for signs then try again.

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
NorfolkEnchance · 02/04/2020 11:22

Highly recommend these www.amazon.co.uk/Washable-Bed-Protector-Tucks-Blue/dp/B00UVTW3AK?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
DC1 is almost 6 and still struggles, means we don't have to do a full bed change. They didn't start until after 5 and only then because they were sad that they had to wear a pull up when younger sibling didn't. DC2 has been dry at night since 2.5!

zigaziga · 02/04/2020 11:26

I am finding night time dryness a minefield. For about a year my DS is dry maybe 2/3 nights so clearly the hormone is kicking in. He also doesn’t want to wear nappies. If he take them off he’ll wake up distressed in wee around 1am though sometimes which is awful for him.
I’m confused because there is no progression. I thought once he started being dry at night he’d be dry more and more until never wet but it’s not happening like that.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/04/2020 11:26

DS2 toilet trained in the day at 2.5
He was dry at night shortly before his 6th birthday. That probably not co-incidentally came around a little phase of sleep walking (with accompanied weeing...)

It's not uncommon for Beavers and Brownies to need pull ups on residential trips, so don't worry about any social side effects.

Cremebrule · 02/04/2020 11:34

Mine was dry quite suddenly at 31/2. She went from soaking, massive nappies in the morning to being dry almost overnight so easy like your other child. I just think you’ll know when it is going to be viable. It must be hard though but he is still young.

Hadalifeonce · 02/04/2020 11:37

Each child is very different DD was about 2.5, DS was 7....... I was 11!!!

pancakesunday · 02/04/2020 11:37

Honestly don't worry about it. My DS was 6 before he was dry through the night but he was dry in the day from 2/3 years old. In the end I was told it's hormones and they'll get it once they kick in