Aibu to stop night time toilet training 4.5 year old?

[Sally872]

All the advice I have read says signs child is ready are;
Dry nappies in the morning
Asking not to wear bedtime nappy
Waking up to go to toilet

I have been waiting patiently since toilet trained during the day aged 2.5years. Now 4.5 years and school round the corner we decided just to try it.

2 weeks later, lifting for pee between 10 and 11pm, limiting drinks after 6pm. Only rare dry night (2-3). Wakes up around 3am soaked, pee is cold so expect he has been lying there wet then woke up when uncomfortable rather than due to pee/needing to pee.

Part of me thinks he just isn't ready so we should stop, other part says he is nearly 5 he must be ready persevere. My older child was well over 3 but just happened easily.

Normally would check in with health visitor or GP but not urgent enough in current circumstances.

Any advice? How long does it take? Should we keep going?

Aibu to stop toilet training?
YABU - takes time, keep going
YANBU - he isnt ready stop for now

Night time dryness comes naturally and can't really be controlled. Other than give plenty to drink in the day and none at least an hour before bed. They body does the rest it's down to hormones.

It can't be trained until the hormone production has kicked in. You'll be flogging a dead horse and getting everyone upset.

Park it for now.

I'm not sure it's a "signs" thing. Either they have the hormone and can control or they can't.

It's more complicated in older children I think but that age let it happen naturally.

I'd say he's not ready yet however.... My eldest was showing none of the usual 'signs' of being dry at night. He was in pull ups until he was 5. I never tried him out of them and the advice was so confusing ... and to be perfectly honest he 'became' dry at night completely by accident. One day in the may half term hols he went to bed around 5pm as he didnt feel well. Never thought anymore if it as I assumed he would just wake up later... but he didn't. I forgot he didn't have a pull up on. But he was so surprised and pleased with himself the following morning that he was dry, about 14 hours !!!. Hes never had one on since and we only had 2 accidents. My youngest is 4 and still showing no signs, starting school in September but I'm not worried about it.

My understanding is that this is hormonal and not something you can train. If you are worried go to the GP when the corona issue is over. Until then use night nappies. Don’t make life harder than it needs to be.

Both my DS's were 3 for night time dryness and took around two months of lifting and no drinks I'd say.
I didn't use nappies at all when I started, switched straight to pants and waterproof mattress pad, blankets instead of duvet so easier to wash as I couldn't find a waterproof duvet cover for love nor money (toddler size).

Saying that I did see an improvement week by week with only 1-2 accidents then eventually none. If I didn't I'd probably have left it a bit longer.
I know a few school age children still in pull ups at night so it's not unusual for it to take longer.

My DS just turned 4 and is not even close to being dry at night but has been dry in the day since 2.5. My DH regularly wet the bed until he was about 12 or 13 even and I’ve read it can be hereditary. For now we are not worried at all and he’s happy to wear a nappy at night. When he gets to 7 if he’s still not dry by then we’ll go to the doctor but I’m expecting to be in it for the long haul given DH’s experience!

I'd leave it longer, it might be a hormonal issue. My DD was about 4, DS much younger he has a bladder like a tank and pee's for 10 minutes in the morning.
Try keep limiting drinks etc in the meantime.

YANBU. Both of mine were toilet trained before the age of two but neither of them were dry until they were six. It will happen naturally once his body is producing the right hormone. I don't believe there's any point in trying to train him.

One of mine was dry at night before 3 which really surprised me. The other shows no sign of any interest at almost 4. I'm not going to even try. She still wets herself in day.

The eric website has lots of useful information about night time dryness

From what you've described, I would just keep going with the pull ups.

Being dry at night is not really something you can easily "train" a child to do, compared with daytime dryness e.g. encouraging them to go to the toilet during the day etc

DC1 is 6 and still uses pull ups as not reliably dry at night, we are happy to continue this for now despite my mother and MIL both insisting that we are wrong by using pull ups, making DC1 feel like a baby etc

We never make a fuss about wet sheets in the morning, just get on and change them, and tell DC1 it's ok & not to worry

This website is brilliant for advice & support
www.eric.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwmpb0BRCBARIsAG7y4zbEOAVHKMmEeAzap2rCYkeiygNtNRs09zRX85K7VZ1RshJIBuIUQscaAgdNEALw_wcB

We may try the mattress alarm if things are not getting better over the next few months or so.

Mine wasn’t until 8.5. I took him to the GP because it was starting to interfere with things like school trips and sleepovers. She recommended one of those buzz machines you attach to their underwear and goes off when they start weeing. Scared the life out of me, but he was dry in a few days and no problems since.

Leave it. My DD didn’t stop wetting the bed till she was 10. She wore pull-ups the whole time and we didn’t stress about it - lifting does not help them.
It got to the point where a school trip was coming up and she was worried so we went to an enuresis clinic who were wonderful. The gp was useless - didn’t realise that they needed to do the referral but we got there in the end.
If anyone is looking for waterproof sheets I can thoroughly recommend Hippychick sheets - they’re not plasticity at all, wash well and dry quickly. Pricey though but they lasted us years - I still have them.

Agree with the others saying to leave it. Also, lifting is not an advisable thing to do. Second looking at Eric.org, the advice on there is great.

My DD is 9, & is still in pull-ups. We’ve tried medication (didn’t work & caused the runs), & an alarm (was too difficult for both of us).

Last night she decided to go to bed without a pull-up & I’m really pleased to report that she slept for 12 hours & was dry. Hurray!!

I am under no illusion that it will continue though. One day at a time. I’ve obviously not said that to her!

Just as an aside, I use puppy pads on her mattress (as well as the pull-ups) They are so much cheaper than the proper bed ones. I got mine from home bargains. Not sure if they are open at the moment though?

We do have a waterproof mattress protector too, but found it took a long time to dry from the washing machine.

Thanks everyone. Lots of useful information. Back to pull ups tonight. Will try again if he starts being dry in the morning. Otherwise GP for referral in a couple of years. Feel much better knowing this is more common than I realised, thanks for sharing.

My youngest is still in night time pull ups at 5 and 3 months. The 2 older ones were dry day and night from about 2.5. I’ve honestly done nothing different.

After 2 weeks of hideous nights of trying her without them I’ve realised she just isn’t ready- she still needs to wee at night and is in too deep a sleep to wake; no amount of training/restricting drinks can change anything til that hormone kicks in.

Like you I did loads of reading and most say until age 7 it isn’t worth pursuing.

I'm not at that stage yet (just day toilet trained) but I've already decided to continue with nappies/pull ups at night until they are dry. If wet bed then back in them. No point stressing.. They're asleep so hard to train!