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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How annoyed would you be? DD sneaking out in early hours

53 replies

FortunesFave · 01/04/2020 17:31

We're in Oz....it's 2.50 am here. I got woken up by DH's voice at 2.10am because he'd heard 15 year old DD trying to get in through the (locked) front door.

He'd also heard the booming voice of one of her male friends.

She'd snuck out obviously to meet up with him.

We're not on lockdown but there's no school for us...we're meant to be social distancing but the advice is no more than one visitor.

She's a good kid in general...no real bother...she has a lot of freedom and before all this mess, she had a very active social life so is probably missing her mates.

I am annoyed because we got worken up...but also now wondering if she's got a secret boyfriend! DH "thought it was X" by the voice ....he said it sounded like X who is one of her closest mates but he lives miles away....what would you do or say?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/04/2020 17:33

Quite honestly, I would go berserk! Can't she see the problem with her going out at that time of night when nobody knows where she is and who she's with?

Original poster
FortunesFave · 01/04/2020 17:35

Hollow She mustn't see it! She has a large but tight group of friends and we live semi rurally so that probably makes things seem safer.

The town we live in is literally one street and then a lot of countryside/farms.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/04/2020 17:38

I'm just surprised you were annoyed at being woken, but not at her going out at that time. What did you say to her?

Original poster
FortunesFave · 01/04/2020 17:40

I am annoyed!

OP posts:
Original poster
FortunesFave · 01/04/2020 17:41

I didn't say much because I'm not great when just woken. I said I'd speak to her in the morning. Went back to bed and then couldn't sleep...

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/04/2020 17:43

Annoyed wouldn't describe it, that would be a huge deal for both ds's dad and me if he did that.

Elieza · 01/04/2020 17:47

I’d be well pissed off. The message here is clear Stay At Home.

He shouldn’t have been out.

There’s no way they were social distancing. I’d be locking all the doors and windows and taking her key off her. She’s lost the right to hold a key through her own stupidity.

If I knew his parents I would be telling them what happened so they can go on lockdown too in future to stop him going out.

It’s sad when the young ones think they are invincible and swan around doing what they like. Not a care in the world about bringing home a killer disease to their parents and siblings.

MovingBriskyOn · 01/04/2020 17:49

You dont go berserk, that doesn't achieve anything.

You sit down all together and you have a discussion. You talk about why you're angry/upset/concerned. She explains why she did what she did and you agree a way forward together

Doubletrouble99 · 01/04/2020 22:15

I wouldn't be 'annoyed' at being woken up but at the thought that she had done this at all, being out in the middle of the night with no thought of letting you know where she was. I would be so cross about that. Even if you do live in a rural area, what was she and the other kid thinking of getting up to at that time of night!

lmcneil003 · 01/04/2020 22:38

Let her have her freedom. I bet we all did sh1t like that when younger. All thecprudes on here. Jeez...

Elieza · 01/04/2020 22:45

@imcneil - are you struggling to understand the message that’s repeated multiple time’s a day - Stay At Home, Save Lives.

You may have done stuff like that when you were younger but considering it’s been 98 years since the last time we had such a prolific killer virus on our soil I’m inclined to think the situations a bit different nowadays than in your youth.

It’s not being prudish btw, it’s being sensible and obeying the law.

Waveysnail · 01/04/2020 22:46

Sneaking our in middle of the night. Dangerous and stupid. If you are allowing visitors why does she need to sneak out? I'd be discussing a suitable punishment with her

letsjog · 01/04/2020 22:48

Dangerous. What if something happened to her and you had no idea where or who she was with?

Onceateacher · 01/04/2020 22:59

I cant imagine being much less annoyed if there was no virus in the picture tbh.
Totally irresponsible behaviour. If she didn't come back you'd have no idea where she was or who with.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/04/2020 23:12

I really hope there’s no one vulnerable in your home or you’re not working with/visiting anyone vulnerable. How bad does the virus have to get in your area before you rein your daughter in?

BubblesBuddy · 01/04/2020 23:18

If you are allowed one visitor in Oz then presumably you don’t have to stay at home snd their rules are different. However it’s deceitful and not sensible to go out. I would be talking about seeing the boy during the day, if that’s permitted, or looking into Skype.

StoppinBy · 01/04/2020 23:22

Actually (and depending where you are) we are in stage 3 restrictions. The only 4 permissible reasons for leaving the house are

To go to work or school - if essential.
To get food - as irregularly as possible.
For medically necessary reasons.
For exercise but no standing around or gathering.

If she was doing something other than that then she was doing the wrong thing.

WeAllHaveWings · 01/04/2020 23:28

Your 15 year old child was out somewhere at 2:50am while you were asleep in bed oblivious?

Yikes! Ds would know exactly what I felt about that, a suitable punishment would be given and a very clear message that there would be no repeat.

Imstillskanking · 01/04/2020 23:40

I would be absolutely livid. She's really shown herself to be extremely selfish at a time when everyone is doing what they can to contain a deadly virus.

BarbedBloom · 01/04/2020 23:55

I used to do this to have sex with my boyfriend of the time as parents would hover round if he was there during the day. I would be annoyed, especially in the current circumstances, but I would also be having the be safe conversation regarding contraception too

willowpatterns · 02/04/2020 00:16

I'd be livid anyway, let alone at a time like this.

MrsMop1964 · 02/04/2020 00:24

I'd be livid-in fact I was livid when my child did the same a while back. She even did the old 'pillows in the bed' trick like kids do in films. Then to add insult to injury she lost her iphone. The only reason I found out was she came and said 'mum I've fucked up..' because of the phone. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have known.
After being punished-grounded and phone replaced with cheapy embarrassing version it has never happened again, but boy did it shake me because I thought I knew her a lot better than I obviously did.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 02/04/2020 00:39

Depending what state you're in she could get stuck with a hefty fine for being out for not one of the reasons specified, as it was the middle of the night I doubt the police would have bought she was out for an essential reason.
We might not technically be in lockdown here but she's breaking the law.

Redglitter · 02/04/2020 00:41

Let her have her freedom. I bet we all did sh1t like that when younger. All thecprudes on here. Jeez

Ffs what a ridiculous comment. You honestly think in the current climate its acceptable for teenagers to be meeting up. Its fuck all to do with being prudes

justilou1 · 02/04/2020 00:44

(Also in Oz) - I am quite tough about this. (Not as fluffy about parenting teens as some UK parents, either, plus I work in healthcare, and am studying nursing also.) Given that the riskiest areas to live in when we hit peak Covid-19 are rural areas, due to lack of ventilators, she is being really stupid! I think you need to show her where her nearest hospital is, and find out how many beds there have ventilators. The chances of being air-lifted to a bigger city with bigger ICUs are Buckley’s because they are going to be at or beyond capacity if they are not already. Teenagers already think that they are immortal, yet a 13 year old boy was one of the most recent victims of the virus in the UK. You just can’t predict how your immune system is going to behave when it is infected. That is why this virus is so catastrophic. It is not just more contagious than your average flu, it also causes a hyper-reaction from the immune system of some people, which makes them much, much sicker. I think she needs to be shown the images of the people dying on the streets of Indonesia, (they’re not all old people) and the news of the 13 year old who died in the UK. She needs to be able to relate to the victims to start to realise that this could affect her and her family.

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