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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How annoyed would you be? DD sneaking out in early hours

53 replies

FortunesFave · 01/04/2020 17:31

We're in Oz....it's 2.50 am here. I got woken up by DH's voice at 2.10am because he'd heard 15 year old DD trying to get in through the (locked) front door.

He'd also heard the booming voice of one of her male friends.

She'd snuck out obviously to meet up with him.

We're not on lockdown but there's no school for us...we're meant to be social distancing but the advice is no more than one visitor.

She's a good kid in general...no real bother...she has a lot of freedom and before all this mess, she had a very active social life so is probably missing her mates.

I am annoyed because we got worken up...but also now wondering if she's got a secret boyfriend! DH "thought it was X" by the voice ....he said it sounded like X who is one of her closest mates but he lives miles away....what would you do or say?

OP posts:
Iamamoleinthegarden · 02/04/2020 00:44

When I was young I too did stupid things. I never got caught but now looking back I have a different mindset. It is what young people do, they take chances.

MARMITEcheese2020 · 02/04/2020 00:45

I'd go batshit at my teen for doing this. Even if it wasn't for the restrictions atm.

justilou1 · 02/04/2020 00:46

Obviously the “let her have her freedom” Braveheart style of parenting is asking for all kinds of issues right now.
FFS!

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/04/2020 00:54

This has nothing to do with CV and everything to do with personal safety. I mean, yes obviously CV but she needs it drummed into her that if anything had happened you would have no way of knowing where she was or rescuing her.

Florrieboo · 02/04/2020 00:58

That's an $11,000 fine in NSW. Nothing about it is okay.

justilou1 · 02/04/2020 01:25

Are you in NSW? Maybe mention the fine to x’s parents.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 02/04/2020 01:32

Not in NSW. I'm going to tell the boy's Mother. Luckily she's a very nice and decent woman. She won't be happy either! I am wondering if this has been going on a lot longer!

OP posts:
Imstillskanking · 02/04/2020 01:36

Let her have her freedom. I bet we all did sh1t like that when younger. All thecprudes on here. Jeez...

There is nobody alive today who has had the opportunity to do this during a global pandemic when they were younger, so this is a very stupid comment. You'd have to be about 120 years old.

You also need to look up "prude" in the dictionary because it doesn't mean people who disapprove of those who ignore social distancing rules during a pandemic.

Rottnest · 02/04/2020 04:35

@Imceneil003, this must be one of the most stupid comments on mn, the thought of a 15yr old girl sneaking out in the middle of the night is bad enough, in the middle of a pandemic is stupidity personified. I am also in Aus, we have level 3 restrictions, people flouting these restrictions are now being fined, at least $1000. People are dying for goodness sake, in large numbers. Your comment is stupid, selfish and very unhelpfull

Floofboopsnootandbork · 02/04/2020 04:52

I'm going to tell the boy's Mother

Do you know who the boy is then? Because your op makes it sound like you wasn’t sure?

Pixxie7 · 02/04/2020 04:58

I think this behaviour is almost inevitable if the lockdown carries on, we can only hope they don’t come to any harm.

penisbeakers · 02/04/2020 05:06

You show her videos of those people on ventilators in hospital. Show her how people are dying without family around them because they're not allowed to be there in their final moments. You show her what it's like to be a front line worker right now.

I hate scare tactics, but frankly, it seems like your daughter needs to be shown the reality of the situation.

AlternativePerspective · 02/04/2020 05:13

I think this behaviour is almost inevitable if the lockdown carries on, we can only hope they don’t come to any harm. or anyone else they bring the virus home to.

I would go ballistic, lockdown or no lockdown, as would DS’ dad I am certain.

As someone said what about safety? No-one knows where she is or who she’s with. And agreed there is contraception to think about.

As for the “prude” comment, well, we all did things when we were, you know, kids. Doesn’t think that it was actually a good idea then and that we don’t realise that now we’re adults...

In fact there will be people who would come down hard on their teems precisely because they did it as kids and now realise how stupid and irresponsible it was.

Apple1029 · 02/04/2020 05:16

I would be livid. And she cant be all that good if she is behaving so reckless and selfishly.

justilou1 · 02/04/2020 05:24

I think OP sounds like she knows exactly who her DD was with, and DD being exactly like I was at the same age, is lying to try and protect the kid.

OP, do what your instincts tell you are right. You know your daughter and I suspect you know who she was with. (My eldest DD is 15 as well. 💐🍷💐)

SlowHorse · 02/04/2020 05:25

Words fail me; obviously your progeny and anyone in their environs are exempt from everyone else's restrictions. Get back under your duvet and don't forget to admonish your DH for raising his voice, when you awake from your sore throat, coughing slumbers

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 02/04/2020 05:31

I would be annoyed- very. Worried too.

But I’m one of the few whose has huge sympathy for teenagers. Friends are so important at that age and I think this is probably hardest for them. I wouldn’t condone this at all but equally, I don’t blame teenagers for doing this. It’s incredibly shit

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/04/2020 06:13

This is a hugely worrying time. I get it’s much more difficult to put restrictions on teens than my dd, who is almost 12. I do feel for children and teens. This is such an unprecedented time.

There isn’t much point at reading the riot act even though you’ll have been deeply worried about what might have been and what could be if she has been in contact with the virus. With my dd we have started to have the odd adult conversation. I would have thought the route to be if your dd wants to be treated like an adult, there needs to be trust. Otherwise she will have to be restricted even in the home.

But punishment? No not unless she’s cocky about it and I’d be careful. Her phone / iPad etc right now is her lifeline. There is punishment enough for everyone atm. Could you do more to inform her if the situation perhaps? Talk it through on a familial level - what if...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/04/2020 06:36

Pretty sure the NSW fine is only $1000 per person which is still a huge amount but isn't $11,000!

Other states also have fines and from what I was reading last night, QLD is being the toughest on visiting other people, so let's hope you're not in QLD! Plus the police have enhanced powers now for on-the-spot fines.

And that's before we even get started on the deceit and sneaking out late at night at 15!

BillHadersNewWife · 02/04/2020 07:07

I know who he is DD told me. I'm not in NSW

lmcneil003 · 02/04/2020 07:58

They will not fine a 15yr old $1000. Never in a million years.
You cannot keep kids chained up. They need to learn, and learn from mistakes.
I bet we all sneaked around at that age, and w all remember what young hormones did to our thinking.
COVID is making people act crazy. Pls remember that when disciplining your daughter.
At 16 she can join the army, so bear that in mind.

JRUIN · 02/04/2020 08:42

I would be fuming if my 15 was sneaking out at that time of night even if we didn't have this virus to worry about! Anything could have happened to your DD and you would be totally oblivious to it until morning at least. I would be having very strong words with your DD if I were you OP.

Cornhole · 02/04/2020 08:44

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Reluctantbettlynch · 02/04/2020 09:41

@FortunesFave you've had a name change fail that you may want removed

Davespecifico · 02/04/2020 09:47

I’d be feeling beyond annoyed. She obviously can’t appreciate the seriousness of the current situation. It might not be so critical when you live at the moment, but that can quickly change.
She needs to know in no uncertain terms that this can’t happen again and that all contact can only happen online.

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