To ask if you agree with my decision making here?

[spicyricecake]

My circumstances are that I'm a single parent of 2 DC, 14 and 8. I am disabled and also immunocompromised. I'm a key worker in a pretty stressful role working from home - I'm not self isolating but trying to follow social distancing and lockdown guidelines.

I have a partner who does not live with us normally, he lives alone, very nearby, however he is staying with us for the purposes of lockdown. He is furloughed and is helping me with childcare.

The DCs father has said he will not have the children during lockdown. I have decided not to put the children into school hub childcare as this is busy and presents a higher risk if them bringing the infection home to me. DC1 doesn't really need childcare anyway.

My garden was damaged in the floods and isn't suited to playing out until repaired.

Scenario 1 - trying to sort out a work crisis - should have been my day off. Lots of phone calls and stress. DC2 getting pretty restless as I need him to be quiet. DP needed to go back to his empty house to collect more clothes etc, he offered to take DC2 so they could play out in the garden there for a bit and get them out of my hair so I could resolve work issue. They also took a walk from DP's house and grabbed some fresh bread and fruit before coming home. No close contact with anyone outside our household, only shop assistant at a distance.

Scenario 2: my sister has a v young baby, is self isolating for respiratory conditions. Her online shop was missing her baby formula. I managed to add formula to the shop I had booked and it arrived. We drove it to my sisters house, left it on the doorstep and waved through the window, then left. No contact. On the way home we stopped at a local lakes and took a walk as a family, observing social distancing. The lakes are technically walking distance from home, but I cannot access them from this direction as I use a mobility scooter and the route from 'my side' isn't accessible, but a very short drive takes you to the main entrance which is accessible with smooth paths that I can use. Doing this is the only way I can walk with the kids/DP as the pavements in my area are too narrow for my scooter and it's not safe to drive it in the road (we are semi rural).

Would you agree with the choices I made in the two scenarios above and if not, how seriously would you class them as putting my children at risk?

Your decisions sound perfectly reasonable to me and I'm glad the authorities backed you up. Sounds like a classic case of a knob head controlling ex.

So he’s probably following you. You need to make a report to the police of stalking (the following) and harassment (the reporting of you to SS and the police). Don’t let this go. The police will most likely visit him, ask him, he’ll deny it, they’ll know he’s lying and advise him that he needs to leave you alone or it will come to charges being made.

Also advise your Dc not to tell him anything about what you’ve been doing.

I bet the police loved that call. “I saw her driving near where her sister lives. Arrest her now!”

What a waste of police time.

Completely reasonable OP.
Some people have low intelligence and no common sense.
I am a retired HCP with public health experience. I am also immunosuppressed and I would have done the same as you.

I also wondered if he’s stalking you.

@JuanSheetIsPlenty I'm loath to do that to them if I can avoid it. They get it at their fathers house - being told to keep secrets - and it makes them unhappy and uncomfortable. They are punished if they tell me things and I don't want to put those restrictions on them in my home and make them worried that they will be in trouble for just chatting about their day innocently.

I'm not a perfect parent but I have nothing to hide.

Oh, i missed the fact that it was your ex. Yes, it sounds as if he is stalking you.

Well they won’t be seeing him during lockdown. How often do they speak to him on the phone? The 14 year old is old enough to understand why you’re asking him to be cautious with what he tells his dad. The 8yo not really but you could try and reduce the amount of calls they have with him.

I think you made great decisions for both scenarios.
There was no reason for you to be reported.
Sorry that happened to you.

I see no issue with either scenario.

Your ex is being an arse. The kids will see through him in time.

Your ex reported you because he’s vindictive, I can’t see anything wrong with what you did.

As you are immuno-compromised aren't you in the 'most vulnerable' category? According to the rules, shouldn't you therefore even be self-isolating within your own home from others for a 12-week period? I thought the rules stated the most vulnerable were not supposed to go out even for shopping or medication.

If you mix with others who do go outside then you have a greater chance of contracting the virus yourself. I think if you were just in the 'vulnerable' group the scenarios are fine, but because you are immunosuppressed you should be following the government roles more strictly.

OP you are naturally feeling the hurt of being judged unfairly and therefore looking for validation of your actions.This is just a natural reaction.I also don’t think you did anything wrong and I can sympathize with you feeling miffed.

your ex is a twat.Simple just sums it up.

Have your DC got smart phones? Check if location services are on. Check your own too just in case.

This didn't warrant a Social Services or police report by any stretch of the imagination though.

Is he being vindictive or is he worried that you are putting yourself at risk and that, as a consequence, that will put your DC at risk?

@NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite yes, I am vulnerable. However due to my role as a key worker I cannot totally self isolate as I'm still required to go out occasionally to fulfil my job role (I had to do two emergency visits yesterday). Total self isolation would mean giving up work for 12 weeks - I cannot do that to my team, my service users, or my bank balance - I need to work to pay the bills, I'm having to still pay childcare and kids extracurriculars even whilst they are suspended as well all my household bills.

So I'm just being as careful as I can be - social distancing, careful hand washing, all that jazz. When I came in from my visits yesterday I stripped in the hallway and went and showered with Hibiscrub.

Of course you've done nothing wrong, you sound eminently sensible under the circumstances.

He sounds horrible and very unreasonable. Is there any way you can find out how he has tracked you?

I think you sound like an amazing mum and a very switched on and supportive person to others. I wish you didn't have to put yourself at risk just to keep body and soul together, but you're doing a wonderful job in this bizarre twilight zone we're all in at the moment, and I wish you and your family the very best of everything. YADNBU!! Don't doubt yourself for a second, please

I don't see an issue with what you've done. I was thinking about scenario 2 myself - i've not been out in the car for a week now since i last went to a supermarket and have a click & collect to pick up at weekend. I was debating going for a walk somewhere while I'm out as my options locally are really hard to implement social distancing.

Simply from your post it sounds vexatious, and I’m really surprised they didn’t pull him up on it...or maybe they did/will.

If you didn’t have the world to look after, I’d say “counter sue “ as others have, for stalking. But sounds as if you might be just keeping things together and need to ignore. At least for the moment.

Your decisions sound absolutely fine to me. I think this is about your ex wanting to get at you more than poor decisions.

Yes, ignoring him as much as possible is the only way I can stay sane right now. I have enough conflict going on in work!!

The kids speak to him every night more or less. They have their own phones to do this so I don't get involved.

How do you know it was your ex that reported you? Did the police and Social Services tell you?

@WickedlyPetite yes, they referenced him and his girlfriend by name.