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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally frustrated by my MIL

37 replies

Minimoosher · 30/03/2020 22:37

My toddler is allergic to lentils yet my MIL thought it was ok to feed her the rice from her bowl of daal and rice. She said it was fine as the rice was on top of the lentils.

What sane person would think it’s ok to take that risk for a child that has an epipen.

I’m so annoyed especially since my telling her as much was just brushed off like I was making a big deal out of nothing.

OP posts:
Escapeistheonlyoption · 30/03/2020 23:01

Did you need to use the epi pen?

Do toddlers have epi pens?

ZeroOneOneTwoThree · 30/03/2020 23:03

I would be beyond livid. Completely unacceptable behaviour from your MIL.

Whitegrapeandblackberry · 30/03/2020 23:05

My DD has allergies and I'd be absolutely fuming ex mil wouldn't see her again!! Hope your little one is okay xx

HollowTalk · 30/03/2020 23:07

Obviously it's outrageous what she's done, but why was she even eating lentils when your child was there?

JimDuggansEye · 30/03/2020 23:07

I'd be self isolating the poor little bairn for its entire life.

Escapeistheonlyoption · 30/03/2020 23:08

Do toddlers have epi pens?

Sorry- by that I meant I though they had Jext ?

StillCounting123 · 30/03/2020 23:08

Ignore escape. Of course toddlers can have epipens!

OP, your MIL was ignorant, and her comment about the rice being on top of the lentils HmmConfused

Don't let her feed your DC until she reads up on allergies.

StillCounting123 · 30/03/2020 23:10

escape I assume OP is using 'epipen' as a catch-all for the injectable medicine. Jext is commonly used for young kids (my 2 year old has Jext), but referring to them as epipens still makes sense.

wtftodo · 30/03/2020 23:18

My child has had an Ep pen jr since she Was 18months old, so yes

Original poster
Minimoosher · 30/03/2020 23:46

@Escapeistheonlyoption it’s definitely an epipen, the junior version.

My daughter is allergic to sesame, chick peas, lentils, and various nuts. She had a massive reaction a couple of weeks ago to hummus which could possibly have been airborne, but most likely my MIL scooping it with her finger and then touching my daughter.

As a result we cleared all allergens out of the house and the GP prescribed the epipen (she’d been seen privately and had the skin prick test done and was advised to have an epipen).

We only had the daal for dinner because my MIL is staying with us during the lockdown and wanted it. We figured it would be safe for the adults to eat. We’ve eaten it regularly since she was born but it’s spicy and the kids have never had it.

Anyway after the lack of care today and the total brush off of my concerns it won’t be happening again.

OP posts:
BrooksJan · 31/03/2020 00:41

Jext, EpiPen and AnaPen are all just brands.

DS had jext when he was 2-6, but then the doctor changed to AnaPen, just what the local authority was doing.
No difference in them, just different manufacturers.

Enough4me · 31/03/2020 00:47

I'm stunned that she is staying with you and risking her GC when a hospital visit would put all of you at risk. I would say if she cannot put your DC first she needs to isolate at home not at yours.

BrooksJan · 31/03/2020 00:54

We only had the daal for dinner because my MIL is staying with us during the lockdown and wanted it.

WTF!

If my MIL or anybody for that matter even attempted to bring peanut butter because they wanted it (ds is allergic to peanuts) they wouldn't get through the front door!

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2020 01:08

What dal do you eat most commonly? Most ‘lentil allergies’ tend to be towards toor dal. Allergies to more ancient dals tend to be rare. If I were you I would get a referral for further testing if possible and help in what exactly to avoid. If you are Indian then while you could probably shut your mil up by banning any dal in your home it will be very difficult to enforce this socially. So it might help to have a list of the dals she can and can’t eat.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 31/03/2020 01:22

Yikes I'd be furious! YANBU.

MeganTheVegan · 31/03/2020 01:28

You can make daal with split peas. Tastes the same.

managedmis · 31/03/2020 01:30

Sorry - your MIL eats hummus with her fingers? Straight out of the tub?

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2020 01:37

@managedmis - I think (hope!) the mil might be of a culture that eats with their hands.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/03/2020 01:39

Throw out any food with allergens in it tonight. Your MIL can go without. I can't believe you're happy having lentils in the house if DD's allergy is extreme enough to require an epipen.

StoppinBy · 31/03/2020 01:56

Either MIL accepts that she eats foods that wont harm your daughter or she moves out.

That would be the only two options on offer at my house.

champagneandfromage50 · 31/03/2020 08:58

Sorry but you seem rather passive. Your MIL
Is putting your DC life at risk and your 'annoyed'. Take it her DS sat and said nothing? If someone was in my house and feeding my DC food they were allergic to I would be throwing them out.

ChateauMargaux · 31/03/2020 09:08

As your child is a still a toddler, I would avoid all soya, peanuts, beans, lentils, peas and chickpeas as these are all closely related with similar proteins.

LittleCandle · 31/03/2020 09:27

My late MIL never grasped the seriousness of DD1's multiple allergies. As a consequence, she was never left alone with MIL until she was old enough to say that she wasn't allowed to eat things. It was a nightmare if we went out to eat with MIL, as she always had fish and chips (you weren't allowed to eat fish at any other time in her world) and would want to feed DD1 chips from her plate. She just didn't get contamination at all and she could never have used an epipen. She was also disgusted that I didn't feed DD1 red meat, only chicken. Partly because she thought chicken was a 'dirty' meat, but also that she thought red meat was a staple of pretty much every meal. The fact that DD1 was, and is, allergic to red meat was too difficult for her to understand.

Stick to your guns and don't let MIL have your child alone unless she can adhere to the rules about feeding him.

Original poster
Minimoosher · 31/03/2020 09:28

At the time my husband noticed and told her not to give it.

She insisted it was fine as the spoon was clean and she just gave her plain rice off the top.

We both said it wasn't acceptable and not to do it. She wouldn't accept she'd done anything wrong.

After dinner I reiterated that it wasn't worth the risk. But you can't argue with my MIL. She was bought up in India with a limited education but she knows better than professionals apparently.

Unfortunately she lives with us at the moment as she splits her time between her children.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 31/03/2020 09:44

Sorry but I would not have her anywhere near my daughter.