To be totally frustrated by my MIL

[Minimoosher]

My toddler is allergic to lentils yet my MIL thought it was ok to feed her the rice from her bowl of daal and rice. She said it was fine as the rice was on top of the lentils.

What sane person would think it’s ok to take that risk for a child that has an epipen.

I’m so annoyed especially since my telling her as much was just brushed off like I was making a big deal out of nothing.

If you cant argue with her, then she can't live with you.

Then your DH has to move her on early! If she is going to put your child's life at risk she can't live with you! She can go to one of her other children... it would be an essential journey! Essential for your daughter!

What an awful woman. She could have killed your child.
Go no contact so she learns her lesson. This is life and death.

Oh well that's ok then. Just leave her to it. Sounds like you stood back and allowed her to feed your DC rice despite telling her not to. Protect your DC

We only had the daal for dinner because my MIL is staying with us during the lockdown and wanted it
That was your mistake. Her wants do not trump your DC's allergies.
Get rid of all allergens from your house - it's not worth the risk especially as a trip to A&E at the moment is even more dangerous.

My DD is allergic to nuts. She has left home but I still don't have nuts in the house, I can't bear the thought of her coming home and I've inadvertently put her at risk. Occasionally I'll have a cake or chocolate bar that contains nuts but I'll eat it in a very controlled manner and thoroughly clean the area afterwards.

@champagneandfromage50

Sounds like you stood back and allowed her to feed your DC rice despite telling her not to.

No she was prevented from giving her any more after the first bit. But she won't accept she's doing anything wrong.

Time for her to move to the other part of the split.

'What you WANT and what you GET are two different things'.

Or your DH could adopt the 'I'm the man of this house and you will NOT endanger my child again' approach, rather than the 'Please don't do that, Mummy' one?

Well if she won't accept she is doing anything wrong you cannot ever leave her in charge of your DC. You should eat separately and remove all allergens from the house

If your dd is allergic to these things, why are you even allowing them in the house?!

If they aren’t there, mil can’t give them to her

She's either a certifiable idiot or has Munchausen by proxy.

If your mil is uneducated then your dh needs to put it into simple terms: your daughter will be hurt or die if she even gets a tiny bit of dal, and if she does then he will make it known to every single relative that it was her fault. Toor dal allergies are relatively commonplace in India so she would have encountered someome with one even in a village - if she hadn’t then your DH needs to explain.

But she won't accept she's doing anything wrong.

Then you pack her up and you send her to one of the other siblings as an emergency.

This is not a joke.

You cannot live with someone who introduces that risk.

You really want to be having to take your DD to A&E right now with an allergic reaction?

YOU need to be the person responding appropriately here. Your MIL can only, ONLY get away with 'not listening' if you LET her do that by allowing her to remain under your roof not listening.

Yes she can absolutely be moved on to another family member without an allergic child for lockdown duration and I REALLY think you should do that today.

Will it cause WW3? Yes, hopefully it will, because to be honest that's the best way of safeguarding your DD long term within your family WITH mil still being allowed to be an active granny.

Your MIL is deliberately going against you because she wants to see herself as matriarch - the most experienced parent figure, the top dog. She doesn't get told stuff about children in the family by the younger generation, by the very children SHE brought up... You see this all the time. But mostly, it doesn't result in your child being put in a potentially life threatening situation.

She needs to go.