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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my vag will never be the same

52 replies

twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:20

after having a baby? 18 months of legs later and I still feel like I have no strength. I've just started seeing someone and haven't had sex since my son was conceived (feels like a lifetime - think I've forgotten how to do it). AIBU to think that I'll never be the same? I'm doing my kegels correctly and do them every day, religiously. Starting to worry...

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:26

Kegels not legs 😅

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Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:44

Bumpity bump

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Grumpos · 30/03/2020 22:54

How are you doing in terms of bladder control? Can you hold your wee? I definitely noticed that at first I couldn’t stop myself from pissing my pants if you paid me to but after a while I could control this better - and I realised things had gone back to normal a bit.

There are little kegel trainers, I think you put them in like a mini vibrator Blush and link to your smart phone!

CalleighDoodle · 30/03/2020 22:56

I found running really helped my bladder control not at first but three times a week running and within a couple of weeks I was much better.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:57

@grumpos I looked in to these but they're way out of my price range. Bladder control is fine and has got better, so the kegels must have worked a bit! I just feel like I have no strength at all. I fell foul to googling and read almost everywhere that you can get most back to normal. I just don't feel normal. I use a mooncup now but when I used tampons they literally wound gradually fall out over the space of a couple of hours 😳

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Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:57

@calleighdoodle I am a runner! But always have been so maybe I need to up my game...

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feelinguseless101 · 30/03/2020 22:59

Mine has never been the same. It's broken, very broken. Makes me sad.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:00

@feelinguseless101 I think mine might be too. I really could cry.

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OhClover · 30/03/2020 23:00

When you say no strength, what do you mean? Are you able to do the exercises - short hold and long hold? Have you seen a physio to get checked out for damage? 13% of women have their pelvic floors torn from the pubic bone, and it’s irreparable. This could explain why you aren’t seeing any benefit, or maybe you need some guidance on how to do them more effectively?

Lots of women find their vaginas don’t recover to how they were. Sadly the risks of vaginal birth are underplayed and lots of women don’t make a full recovery. I hope you aren’t one of them but if it turns out you are then you aren’t alone Flowers

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:04

@ohclover I had a really short birth. Son was only 5lbs but it was quick. I had an extreme reaction to the pessary. Think it took around an hour. I did tear a bit but I tore upwards through my clitoris (I know, tmi but it's what is women go through so I think it needs to be talked about openly!). I was booked in to see my GP but obviously that's been cancelled now as can't be done over the phone and isn't an emergency.

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Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:05

@ohclover it's really hard to describe. I guess I'm comparing to before I had my son. It just feels different. Loose almost. Feels heavy at the end of the day too especially if I've been walking or stood up a lot

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LittleCabbage · 30/03/2020 23:11

You definitely need to see a pelvic physio (either NHS or private), once the current Covid-19 situation has improved. You may have a degree of prolapse.

Fear not, lots can be done to improve things, although you won't get back to a pre-baby vag. Not many women do. But it sounds as though things coukd be a lot better than they are.

ladyface69 · 30/03/2020 23:14

I've no children unfortunately but I just wanted to say I really hope you can get your vag sorted and it's really good that you've written a post about it! This doesn't get enough attention in the media or healthcare. Best of luck

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:15

Oh man. I'm semi glad I am at home and can't see the guy I've been dating. I'm actually really scared to have sex. Not too many women find that they are having sex for the first time after having a baby with someone new. I feel like it's quite a bit step and when you've been with someone for years, it's something you can talk about. Right now though I don't think it would be the sexiest of things to mention....

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Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:16

@ladyface69 absolutely. I'm quite an open person (har har) but had no idea about what my body would go through after having a baby. The bleeding after! I had no idea about this until after he was born! Totally unprepared.

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stairway · 30/03/2020 23:18

I recommend these little weights that can be used to increase strength. You can buy them for as little as £15

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:20

@stairway I have them! Pelvic floor cones or something along those lines. Didn't like them. They just ended up disappearing really high up (where a tampon would sit).

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Electrical · 30/03/2020 23:22

A heavy/dragging feeling can be sign of a prolapse, have you seen a GP about it ever? (Not that that’s an option now..)

Battysace123 · 30/03/2020 23:23

TMI but here it goes. Put 2 fingers in your vagina and it will give you an idea if you are loose. Blush

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:24

@electrical no I haven't. I probably should have done. I'm a GP avoider. I actually had an appointment booked and it's now been cancelled. It's left me feeling really frustrated as I was weirdly excited about finding out what the issue was. Totally understand why it's been cancelled. I should've gone weeks ago.

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Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:25

@battysace123 not tmi at all!

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BlueCheeseNoWay · 30/03/2020 23:26

Your bound to feel different after having a baby. I've had two and I definitely feel different, I have problems with holding urine in if I cough violently or sneeze. It's gross and embarrassing but I just remind myself of the two amazing humans I've created.

If you can hold your urine in when coughing then you really don't have anything to worry about. Try to relax and enjoy your new relationship 😊

SmellyBeard · 30/03/2020 23:27

If you feel loose and/or heavy you need to see a pelvic floor physio.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 23:28

@bluecheesenoway I agree that it's normal to feel different, but disagree that if you can hold urine you have nothing to worry about. You can have even a moderate prolapse and have no issues holding urine.

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SmellyBeard · 30/03/2020 23:29

Pelvic health physio, even. Start googling there's a lot of info online. Look up the Mummy MOT.

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