Help! I don't know what to do!

[leahdanielle]

Hello,

So, I'm actually not a parent or an expecting parent (sorry) I just thought this would be the best place to get advice. I'll give some backstory.

I'm 20 years old and I moved in with my friend, also 20 and her daughter due to my friend struggling to find a place to live alone as she couldn't afford it. She is on Universal Credit and gets Child Benefits. Her daughter is 16 months old.

I'm coming home from work to the house untidy, the living room curtains shut at 3pm with my friend laying on the sofa watching movies. The babies dad has her on weekends, so I'm trying to subtly hint that a part time job at the weekend would be a good idea for my friend to look into, in a supermarket or something as they need alot of staff at the moment and she has experience in this area. I see my friend and the baby all day everyday and I also work a hectic job in the NHS, and I need abit of a break from them both from time to time (I can't see my family or boyfriend due to the Coronavirus). She doesn't leave the house at all, she doesn't take the baby for fresh air - not even on the garden. I've suggested walks around the park (with the rain cover over the pram to avoid contact with the Coronavirus) but I'm getting nowhere and it's causing alot of stress on me.

The baby is 16 months old.

Am I in my right to ask her to look into a part time job? Is it the right time to go back to work after 16 months after a baby? I'm not a parent myself so I'm unsure. I'm reaching a breaking point with coming home from long days at work to the house untidy and her having done nothing around the house.

Thank you!

If the father has the little one Friday through Monday, have a chat with her then. Open the curtains when you come in and and ask her for a hand to get things done. She's quite a young mum and the network of other mum's that would have been there if she was older aren't. Get her to look for local mum's groups both to meet up and online. I was fine with my first as there were mum's my age or not that much younger, but with my second the other mum's were quite a bit younger (in a couple of cases there were 20yrs of an age difference), my dc delights in telling me I'm old enough to be her friends granny. It got lonely to say the least and I just stopped trying. Hopefully if she starts to make more friends (adult conversation to perk up the brain) locally, she'll go out more especially at the weekend's when she's free and you'll get a bit of a break. She could be looking at the online groups during lockdown and what's on around her. She sounds like she's lost her spark a bit and maybe needs a gentle push to find it again. In 6 month dc will be able to go to nursery, now's a good time to be looking at that as well. Friends sharing is often not the best idea.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't leave my loved ones struggling.

No, but I wouldn’t help them at such a cost to my own health. This has Drama Triangle written all over it, and you are moving from Rescuer to Persecuter.