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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go and stay with my mum with newborn and toddler

56 replies

OneJumpAhead · 29/03/2020 19:49

I have a 2 week old baby and a just turned 2 year old. Like most toddlers, 2 year old is very lively and, like most newborns, the baby feeds constantly and generally needs a lot of attention. I’m also recovering from a c section. We are managing well with two parents at home but as of next week my husband returns to his job as an NHS doctor and will be out of the house in excess of 50 hours a week (and possibly more as virus progresses). In normal circumstances I would manage this with lots of trips out of the house, nursery 3 shorter days a week for toddler, toddler groups, visitors and, most importantly, my mum who lives nearby, still works part time but is around A LOT and has a fantastic bond with our 2 year old. I am considering packing us all up and going to stay with mum (late 50s) and dad (early 60s). Would mean all four of us in one room and not having all of our things but I’m so worried about managing two children so small on my own with all the restrictions and how desperately lonely and exhausted I will be of it goes on past 6th April. Mum will still be working from home 3 days a week but only 9-4. Would also mean extending the risk of exposure to my parents from Husband having contact with confirmed cases. I’m so torn and would love some (friendly) advice please.

OP posts:
Thehop · 29/03/2020 22:18

It would make more sense for your dh to be alone at hime and you and the dc go to your dp to keep everyone safe?

raspberryk · 29/03/2020 22:37

No I wouldnt move in with your parents, certainly not with dh too.
Just wondering why you think you won't be able to care for the 2 year old, when I was pregnant with no 2 I was prescribed bed rest (hahahaha) from 22 weeks and my ds had to learn that there was no picking up any more, ever.
My dh at the time worked away or worked long hours, lates and nights and had a total of 2 days off work (one while I was in labour and the next day as HE was tired) he didn't even take ds to nursery the morning after I gave birth.
We then split up before my d's was 3 months old and he was not involved at all for long time. Both sets of parents unavailable for help, and I lived rurally with no car so the only sanity was a walk per day.

That's just the context so you don't think I'm coming from a place where I don't know what I'm talking about.
You'll be fine, you work out a way to make it work and it will be tricky at times, but it'll get easier and easier. And it's not like you have no help at all.

The toddler will be better at home with the usual routine, and all personal belongings and so will you. Living with parents (yes I had to do that at one point as well), is awful when you're an adult with kids. Especially confined to one bedroom, you won't get any sleep, none of you.

Runnerduck34 · 29/03/2020 22:40

I think peajotters idea is the best one if you really need support and you can easily accommodate your parents, your toddler wouldn't be as unsettled, they are probably unsettled enough and it would be easier for you to manage in your home, big sacrifice for your parents thou and very hard splitting your family unit. Im sorry its so difficult, if I'm honest i would be tempted to let dm visit and help as a carer, and take as many precautions as possible, hand washing etc. What does you dh say?

OrangeTwirl · 29/03/2020 22:45

There are too many things wrong with this scenario. I won’t comment as I’m fed up with posters bitchy comments. You do what you think is best OP. The onus is on you.

(BTW you know if your DH is dealing with people with Covid-19, he will have to be isolated from his family - for good reason - do you?)

toomuchpeppapig · 30/03/2020 10:33

I don't know what the answer is op, but just wanted to say that your responses to some of the posters on here have been really kind. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. I have a 13 month gap with my 2 and it is bloody hard, and that's with my DP being home from work at 4 every day. I have to be honest, we do bedtime at about 6 and let our toddler sit in his cot with a book until he falls asleep if need be. Just do what you need to to get through each day, and take it one day at a time.

Good luck op and congratulations on the birth on your new baby.

tootiredtoconga · 30/03/2020 10:59

Surely if your DH is going to be dealing with confirmed cases he'd want to isolate from you and the DC anyway? So the only sensible option is for you to go to your DP's house with the kids and DH to remain at home. That way you get the support you need to care for the DC and recover from the birth. Your DH doesn't have to worry about infecting you or the kids and can get a decent sleep when he's not on shift. It doesn't sound like you'd be seeing much of each other if you were all at home anyway!

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