To go and stay with my mum with newborn and toddler

[OneJumpAhead]

I have a 2 week old baby and a just turned 2 year old. Like most toddlers, 2 year old is very lively and, like most newborns, the baby feeds constantly and generally needs a lot of attention. I’m also recovering from a c section. We are managing well with two parents at home but as of next week my husband returns to his job as an NHS doctor and will be out of the house in excess of 50 hours a week (and possibly more as virus progresses). In normal circumstances I would manage this with lots of trips out of the house, nursery 3 shorter days a week for toddler, toddler groups, visitors and, most importantly, my mum who lives nearby, still works part time but is around A LOT and has a fantastic bond with our 2 year old. I am considering packing us all up and going to stay with mum (late 50s) and dad (early 60s). Would mean all four of us in one room and not having all of our things but I’m so worried about managing two children so small on my own with all the restrictions and how desperately lonely and exhausted I will be of it goes on past 6th April. Mum will still be working from home 3 days a week but only 9-4. Would also mean extending the risk of exposure to my parents from Husband having contact with confirmed cases. I’m so torn and would love some (friendly) advice please.

I think you should go without your dh and before he starts work. Your baby is also at a heightened risk of infection.

I'd move in without your DH and stay with your parents. That way you get two sets of helping hands.

I'd be more worried about DH exposing your DC to the virus, to be honest. I had a newborn in intensive care after getting bronchiolitis at 10 days old, and it was horrific. Keep your babies safe.

If your wound is not fully healed, then surely your parents can come by and help out, it would be covered under help for a poorly relative?

Ah well I’d have struggled big time if I was solo when baby little .. they’re older now 4 and 2 so it’s ok but newborn with recovery is hard but you will be ok!! I would probably have gone to my mums 😬😂

Without DH 😂

Hire live in help. There are thousands of desperate people who need a roof and a meal. We hired someone on Wednesday to help the house and the children while we WFH. So far so good. Pay £500 A month

I do love it when people say things like oh get a tuff tray/sand pit/do some painting etc. In my humble opinion those things are VERY stressful and messy and not really what you want to be doing on little sleep and with a newborn attached to you.

For what it’s worth, I say go stay with your parents but leave DH at home. I know there are lots of reports that children do not tend to get very ill, but I wouldn’t want to take that risk with a newborn.

I think you and your dc should probably move in with your dparents. I’d be worried about dh bringing the virus back to you (in a weakened state after giving birth and knackered) and the baby. If he is going to be doing 50 hours a week in a really stressful environment he will probably struggle with being woken up during the night by a new baby. At your parents at least you will have some support during the day and won’t have to be worrying about keeping on top of all the shopping/household chores.

I really feel for you having to make the choice. Dh missed a lot of our baby’s first year as he was in the military and it was crap.

I think I'd want to stay home, to be honest. Living with someone else with a newborn and a toddler who needs routine and their normal surroundings (in normal times, a new baby sibling is a tough thing for a little child, let alone now).

I was lucky, but both my best mum friends had husbands who worked away a lot, and weren't home until late even if they were in the country. They managed, and as a pp said, your parents can come briefly to 'give care', so might be able to, say, take your laundry and do it for you, or leave a meal/shopping on your doorstep.

I never mentioned sand or paint !! Tuff tray keeps all the duplo balls and toys in one place so easier to tidy up!! Or smallest bit of warm water !

3 weeks post c-section, alone with an active toddler sounds like a not brilliant idea to me - you'll be at the point where you're on the edge of being healed, feeling good, but all it'll take is one awkward lift, and you'll be in trouble..

I would go and stay with your parents for a couple of weeks (but yes, leave DP at home) - you can always move back once you're more fully healed. I've had 2 c-sections, healed quickly and easily both times, but 3 weeks is still really early on for the wound healing.

Oh and my DP works away a lot, so being alone with the kids isn't my fear, you just get on with that - it's you and your healing, and knowing how easy it is to over-do it with a toddler.

Is there any childcare for key workers who have toddlers? If you could enroll your 2 year old for a few half days it might help take a bit of the pressure off you during the day.

The best thing would be to leave husband at home and you and kids go to your parents. Not safe for your husband working in nhs to go to your parents at all.

Yes, create a new ‘household’ by temporarily moving in with your parents. Leave DH at home.

Your DH will probably be glad to know his return to work won’t be putting his family in danger (I’ve seen doctors sleeping on camp beds in their own garages on Twitter, to keep their families safe in the house).

It’s shitty that you and DH will have to be apart, but you love each other and your love will survive the separation.

I would go but you’d probably not be able to see the Husband until it’s all over ...

If the housing situation doesn’t work for size, you could maybe do it the other way around. Your dp move in with you and dh moves to their house. Only if that is easier though. Your dp aren’t in the at risk category are they?

Surely it would be much easier to settle into your own routine in your own home with all your baby kit and DC1's toys and bedroom? It'd be harder with you all in one room and without all your bits and things to occupy DC1. The only thing that worries me is you need looking after in your environment and DH needs looking after when he has been working long hours! Can your DMum do some batch cooking for you and drop it on the doorstep so that neither of you need to cook for a while?
Congrats on your new baby!

Move in with your parents without your dh.

I'd temporarily move in with your parents without DH until you're more recovered from your c-section. Then you can move back to your DH.

I don’t think you should be running back to your parents and leaving your husband to cope alone. Neither should your husband go with you.

You just have to deal with the kids like the rest of us are. You’re a grown woman presumably.

Theres two opitions here you go with the children only or stay at home with the children. In no shape or form should you dh go anywhere near your parents. Tbh the safest suggestion would be for you to stay at home. Can you see if you manage for a week. If not then if necessary you go with children on your own and dont see dh till the lockdown is over so he miss the newborn stage but needs must

Have you discussed it with your DH? I can't believe he would countenance it.

I don’t think you should be running back to your parents and leaving your husband to cope alone.

Her dh would be at work for long hours and when he comes home he could sleep, knowing his wife and kids are safe and have support with her parents. As an alternative, he'd be coming home to a frazzled wife who might easily hurt herself with her wound still healing, with a baby disturbing him all night. I know which one I think would be harder to cope with.

I mean what exactly would be hard to cope with on his own?