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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not feel sorry for my sister?

187 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 29/03/2020 14:10

My sister has been self employed in a beauty role for 4 years, and I'd say about a third of her (more expensive) work has been passed by the books in order to avoid taxes - "everyone does it", apparently.

When lockdown was announced she obviously stopped trading and moaned how the government did nothing for self employed workers. Until the 80% funding was announced - but because she declared so little on profits she'll be getting hardly anything. She tried to claim UC but her DH is on £40k a year and is continuing to work from home so is entitled to nothing. We live in the NW and they have very outgoings so I think compared to others they're very lucky to still have £40k pa coming in, and a mortgage break.

I fell out with her today because I've been given furlough, and whilst many would love to have paid time off a 20% wage cut is huge for me with 2 kids and one income coming in - and she said "at least you're getting something it could be worse it could be me". I went off at her and said she has her DH's income and maybe this is karma for fiddling her books.

I don't want to fall out with her, if the last few weeks have taught us anything it's that life is too short for that but it really pisses me off that she thinks she is so hard done by in this.

OP posts:
Starfish75 · 30/03/2020 23:16

Good on ya for telling it to her straight!
She made her bed... so why should you have to listen to the oh poor me woes!! 😩

JamesBlonde1 · 30/03/2020 23:21

Well done OP.

She was happy for the rest of us to pay our tax to pay for her roads, hospitals, schools etc.

Maybe she'll pay her fair share in future and not leave it to the rest of us hard workers.

alig99 · 30/03/2020 23:33

Interesting debate, how many of you ladies have willingly paid cheaper prices to your beautician, hairdresser, builder because they haven’t been on the books???

shinyredbus · 30/03/2020 23:35

^^ not me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tunnocks34 · 30/03/2020 23:58

My SIL has done the same. Spent years boasting about getting paid cash in hand and now she’s whinging because she’s on her arse, like it’s our fault.

AddictedToLoveIsland · 31/03/2020 01:59

You dont want to fall out with her but you have. You reacted and said something you shouldn't have. I don't disagree with you point but sometimes in life biting your tongue, especially at a time where we should be kind and supporting each other goes a long way.

eaglejulesk · 31/03/2020 02:48

I have no sympathy for your sister - it was her choice to break the rules in the first place, she can't complain about the consequences!

catfeets · 31/03/2020 03:21

How come no one reports any of these known tax evaders?
My previous job was to assess tax returns and a huge amount of people were evading. It was quite soul destroying to find yet another one but rewarding to work out what they'd evaded (we could assess back to 20yrs previously in some cases) and then charge the same in fines on top of what they'd evaded.
They would then turn on the water works because they couldn't afford to pay it back and it 'wasn't fair'. 90% of the time they'd claim they had cancer in an attempt to delay or cancel payment but didn't realise they'd have to prove it Hmm

MadMadaMim · 31/03/2020 11:39

YABU to not understand her situation, regardless of why she's in it. Whether income is 10k,100k or 1m - if it's suddenly gone, it has a massive impact. This includes your sister

YABU to not almost be happy that she's in this situation. Envious much?

YANBU to think that this her own doing and if she'd been more honest, she wouldn't be losing so much income

Regardless of all that - she's your sister. She's in this the same as you and everyone else. There's nicer, better ways to convey your frustration.

And yes - karma (though IMO this has nothing to do with karma and more to do with tax fraud) - it's a bitch

GreenTulips · 31/03/2020 11:42

if it's suddenly gone, it has a massive impact

No consideration on the sisters part for all the help she could’ve given to the government to support others by paying her share

BumbleBeee69 · 31/03/2020 12:40

YABU to not understand her situation, regardless of why she's in it. Whether income is 10k,100k or 1m - if it's suddenly gone, it has a massive impact. This includes your sister

YABU to not almost be happy that she's in this situation. Envious much?

looks like your Sister has found the thread OP.. Grin

sue20 · 31/03/2020 14:46

halfarsed....£750 a week and didn't pay tax on it? That's one stupid selfish person

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