AIBU to want DH to take the baby just because?

[Secretlifeofme]

Sorry if the title is unclear. We have a lovely five month old DD who is EBF. I don't know if I'm being a bit unreasonable here, because DH is generally great, cooks, does the dishes, unpacks and puts away shopping, just generally mucks in with everything around the house. But he will only ever take DD.in order for me to do something (have a shower, get dressed, do some work, etc). At all other times I seem to be the default parent.

I feel bad complaining, because often he leaves me looking after DD while he does housework. But sometimes I would just like him to take her, not so I can do anything particular but just because I would like a break, or because he wants to spend time with her! Does anyone get what I mean? AIBU to feel this way or should I suck it up given that he does lots of other stuff around the house instead?

Given he's a man I think I'd schedule it a bit more. Say.. at 7pm I want to have a chill for an hour or so, can you have DD and do whatever you like with her? Don't force him into a certain activity but then actually use that hour or so however you wish. Don't paint it as a punishment or chord, just express your need for time out and set a time!

I breastfed both my children which meant they tended to want me over my husband, if they cried I could stop them pretty much right away so I guess I was default parent. My husband did pick them up etc to play when he wasn’t at work but it was mainly me. It didn’t bother me though as it was better than a screaming baby, if you are bothered can’t you just tell him you want to switch jobs? My husband also does all the cooking and shopping, they were roles we slotted into, he got in from work and cooked I sorted the kids, I hate cooking though so I was happy to sit on the sofa feeding etc.

If you don’t tell him he probably thinks you are happy to sort the baby.

I’m baffled by this. People suggesting schedules , ways to explain it etc. Surely you just hand him the baby and walk off? And keep doing it. You shouldn’t have to explain it or only have a set time period.

In my opinion it's not about whether your baby is EBF or not.

If you're not feeling overwhelmed then you'd have no problem being up all hours of the day and night feeding your baby as long as you're getting the support you need else where and sometimes sharing chores just isn't enough.

What makes each individual person overwhelmed and how much they can tolerate is entirely independent of that person and their feelings.

OP you are not wrong for wanting a break. This past week I had an argument with my husband about how I just wanted to go to the toilet in peace without being bombarded with messages about how long I'm going to be.

He argued I get me time when I'm in the bath or shower but honestly I don't see that as me time. I see that as time I should be allowed to have to be hygienic. I had to sit him down and say that if he can't listen to how I need supporting then I am going to let other tasks go so I don't feel overwhelmed. That includes cooking, washing clothes, the dishes etc. Either he does them, he helps me get some much needed support so I feel like I have the energy to do those things, or they just don't get done and that I wasn't open to an argument. That is just how it is. It did get through to him. We've got pots stacking up, laundry in the wash basket, and he let me have a 3 hour bath with some of my audiobook today so now I'm feeling more energetic I can probably get round to doing other things including being my best self for our baby.

Talk to your partner OP. Work something out, let some things go if you need to.

‘Given he’s a man/it’s how it is’
Fucking hell, standards in the absolute gutter from so many women.

Sometimes I am like 'no, I'll do the washing, you look after the baby ' just so I can be away from her for a while (much as I love her of course!)

And what does he say?

Why do either of you have to ‘take’ her? Have you got a bouncy chair or a mat? Put her down if you’ve had enough.

Very similar here but the problem is that the baby just seems to get upset when my husband holds her and not when I do. I don't know why. Wasn't this bad with the older one and both were / are bf. He'd be happy to hold her more otherwise.

Also laughing at just put the baby down. That works for about 15 minutes a day.

You don't realise how lucky you are to have a husband who helps with the housework

I'm so sorry you got one of the twats, but the word isn't "help". Housework is everyone's responsability.

Someone beat me to it, let your dh take over bath-time. I suggested to my ex that he do bath-time and he thought I was trying to offload a chore onto him, whereas I saw it as something enjoyable he could do with the baby.

It’s still 15 minutes though and that increases as they get bigger.

LittleBearPad if you were replying to me then yes I'm hoping so and soon! It's hard being stuck at home with the baby like that and having an older one too.

Just dont accept it. Feed her, hand her over & then pop to the shops/for a walk. Even a clingy EBF baby can go an hour between feeds. If she fusses a bit no matter, daddy can cuddle her.