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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say no to my lodger having guest now?

72 replies

Katiekattty · 29/03/2020 00:36

My DH and I have a lodger (B) at the moment. He’s recently asked if his gf/partner can stay over. We’ve no issue with that as long as it’s only for a couple nights a week.
B asked my DH today if his gf can come and stay for week because she’s alone during the lockdown. She lives about 2 hours away from us. AIBU to say no because no one should be travelling at the minute, as well as I don’t want to take the risk with her being here on and off? I don’t actually want her staying here for a week even it’s unusual circumstances.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 29/03/2020 02:33

She should not be entering your home at all at this point. If he goes and stays with her, he needs to do it do for the duration. I wouldn’t let him back in. .

perfectstorm · 29/03/2020 02:41

He's a complete tosser.

This article, written by a Yale epidemiologist, really clearly explains it:

The basic mechanics of this mathematical principle dictate that even if there is only a little bit of additional connection between groups (i.e. social dinners, playdates, unnecessary trips to the store, etc.), the epidemic likely won’t be much different than if there was no measure in place. The same underlying fundamentals of disease transmission apply, and the result is that the community is left with all of the social and economic disruption but very little public health benefit.

Seemingly small social chains get large and complex with alarming speed. If your son visits his girlfriend, and you later sneak over for coffee with a neighbor, your neighbor is now connected to the infected office worker that your son’s girlfriend’s mother shook hands with. This sounds silly, it’s not. This is not a joke or hypothetical. We as epidemiologists see it borne out in the data time and time again. Conversely, any break in that chain breaks disease transmission along that chain.

It is hard (even for me) to conceptualize how on a population level ‘one quick little get together’ can undermine the entire framework of a public health intervention, but it can. I promise you it can. I promise. I promise. I promise. You can’t cheat it. People are already itching to cheat on the social distancing precautions just a “little”- a short playdate, a quick haircut, or picking up a needless item from the store. From a transmission dynamics standpoint, this very quickly recreates a highly connected social network that undermines much of the good work our communities have done thus far.

People need to grow up. Cheating the lockdown has hugely significant impacts, and unless anyone wants to kill people in the sort of numbers Ian Brady could only dream of, then everyone - all of us - must hold the line.

CocoStar555 · 29/03/2020 02:49

YANBU

Different households should not be mixing at all.

Apocalips · 29/03/2020 02:50

PMSL over mystery gran.

BigChocFrenzy · 29/03/2020 02:54

Be kind to gran - you've made her hide herself !

and no, of course he shouldn't have ANY guest over, because households should not mix at all.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 29/03/2020 02:57

Poor GrannyLodger.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/03/2020 02:58

YANBU
If he’s been furloughed or wfh then he can stay with her (although he isn’t supposed to as it has commenced and isn’t his home) for the duration of the lockdown. Flitting between households is a big no no.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 29/03/2020 02:59

YANBU btw, OP.

She really can't come over at all at the moment.

SoapIsYourFriend · 29/03/2020 03:12

Too right, his gran should stay at home. 👵🧶Gin

Apocalips · 29/03/2020 03:14

Sounds like Harold and Maude now.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 29/03/2020 03:20

Absolutely the GF should not come. Please invite the mystery imaginary gran to stay though! 😂

TKAAHUARTG · 29/03/2020 04:22

I really liked the idea that he wanted his gran to stay. What a nice boy, loves his gran.

PhilCornwall1 · 29/03/2020 04:27

No one should be visiting let alone staying .

There are more and more around here that are having visitors now, was out and about the house yesterday and must have seen visitors to three different houses.

AlwaysCheddar · 29/03/2020 07:55

No visitors!!!!

stickman12 · 29/03/2020 07:58

Poor Gran!

barnabybenny · 29/03/2020 08:06

No she can’t, household members only. I miss my mum, I want to go and move in with her until this is over but I can’t.

I have a friend doing the same this, she got her boyfriend to stay over a few times a week on the reasoning that he no longer has a job and he is only at her house or his own. I still think that is risky but people just won’t be told.

It’s this kind of situation that will make this mess last even longer and prompt stricter rules. People just need to stick to the rules and do as they are asked to see if it has a positive impact.

LittleLittleLittle · 29/03/2020 08:13

If his girlfriend is so lonely he should go and move in with her before the tighter lockdown restrictions start in about a week. Then he will be putting one person at risk of who he has been in contact with, rather than two.

londonrach · 29/03/2020 08:13

Yanbu. No visitors end of story be it his girlfriend and the mystery gran. Love your typo @TimeAintNothing.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/03/2020 08:15

Love the thought of your lodger sneaking in his girlfriend and his gran to his bedroom at alternative times during lockdown

Darbs76 · 29/03/2020 08:16

This is what makes me despair that the death rate is going to be so high as so many are not following the rules. You’re putting yourselves at risk too letting his GF stay, she should not be coming to visit and his gran absolutely shouldn’t be. He should move in with his gran if he’s worried about her until this is all over.

No visitors to your home. Not hard to understand that rule. No mixing of households. I’m so fed up of sticking to the rules rigidly and so many are not. We need strict lockdown. It’s the only way.

Darbs76 · 29/03/2020 08:18

Ignore the bit about the gran. Absolutely say no to the GF coming.

Longwhiskers14 · 29/03/2020 08:25

Manchestermanchester Care to elaborate why you think GrannyLodger is not being unreasonable to ask OP to flout the current rule about not inviting someone into her household who isn't family and for the GF to flout the rule about non-essential travel? Seriously, why don't the rules the rest of us are abiding by apply to them?

TroysMammy · 29/03/2020 08:30

I despair. People either can't understand what the word lockdown actually means or they don't think it applies to them.

tribpot · 29/03/2020 08:31

Directions on gov.uk

"Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)

Do not meet others, even friends or family."

So she shouldn't leave her house and, if she does, she certainly should not come to yours.

AIBU to say no to my lodger having guest now?
Pipandmum · 29/03/2020 08:39

No. No one should be visitng each others houses. At all. We are in lockdown. He should not leave the house unless he is an essential worker, buying food, medical appointment, caring for a vulnerable person (and keeping 2m apart if possible) or for exercise. His girlfriend the same. You the same. Everyone the same. No exceptions.

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