To wonder if DP is controlling or just a bit shit?

[supersop60]

I've posted about DP before (and get accused of being 'hard work'). The latest things he has asked for -
!. For everyone to not alter the setting on the toaster, because he keeps burning his toast. (why can't he just look at the numbers on the dial before he puts the bread in?)

1. For me to leave his laptop charger plugged into the electric socket (even when he's using the laptop somewhere else) so that when he plugs it in to charge, it's ready. (even though I needed the plug for something else)
2. Signs all over the house to tell us to wash our hands.
3. The remote controls wrapped in plastic bags.
4. Me to sleep in the spare room, because he doesn't sleep well in there.

All small things, but they add up.

He's a lot shit, never mind a bit.

Why is he still your partner?

Lots of context needed here.

1. Just as easy for you to turn the toaster back to 'his' setting as you're already there spreading butter.
2. Did you plug the charger back in once you'd finished?
3. Does he have OCD or is in a vulnerable group?
4. As above.
5. Any particular reasons for sleeping separately?

Well he's a selfish twat. Sounds like he mistook himself for lord of the fucking manor!

Not sure if he's controlling but he sounds very selfish, like it's all about him.

Sometimes i miss having the company of a man around the house.
And then posts like this remind me that so many of them are selfish twats and im glad im single 😂.
My ex used to drive me crazy with stuff like this.

The key question is, how does he react when you don't comply?

He sounds quite controlling to me

1. Just as easy for you to turn the toaster back to 'his' setting as you're already there spreading butter. just as easy as it is for him
2. Did you plug the charger back in once you'd finished? why leave a laptop charger plugged in? Not really safe...
3. Does he have OCD or is in a vulnerable group? do people have to be reminded repeatedly?
4. As above. any germs on the remote, will also be on the plastic bag!
5. Any particular reasons for sleeping separately? because he is an arse?

Sounds like he has ocd and anxiety.
The charger is a safety issue and could cause a fire. So no way!
The warning signs atm I'd forgive.
Bedroom wouldn't bother me as I feel the same. Has it always been that way or recently?
Remote controls are often encased. But that's only really any good if for the prevention of virus as opposed to Remote control preservation. This is only anyngood if cleaning door handles, light switches etc too.

To be fair i hate it when people leave the toaster on the higher setting.
Id rather use the lower one and flip the toast once or twice.

1 & 2 are the sort of things I would say. DH & I sleeping in different rooms too.

If you feel Ltb is too strong (??) a shed down the garden with own bed /toaster /socket...

MitziK

1. True, but why should it be me, just because he can't be arsed to read the dial?
2. No, I don't like leaving plugs in sockets when they're not attached to anything.

3/4 maybe a bit OCD, not enough to be diagnosed. Has always liked everything 'squared away' (ie shoved out of sight)

1. So we don't breathe on/infect one another during the night.

Antihop - he gets agitated and tries to reason with me. Nothing else.

No, I don't like leaving plugs in sockets when they're not attached to anything.

Agreed. I turn most stuff of at the wall properly too.

i wouldn't live with any of this nonsense tbh. boot on his backside a.s.a.p

Sounds like he's way more anxious than the average person with no health conditions should be. But that doesn't make him not an arse. The toast thing especially, why's it your job to keep it at "his" setting and why do other people's preferences not matter.

I can't actually see the dials on our toaster well enough to be able to tell what setting it's on - perils of middle age meaning my eyesight is shit wherever I am looking (and no opticians open for a test/new glasses right now). DP believes 'toast' is something created by warming bread slightly. It wouldn't kill my DP to put it back to actual toast after he's turned it to the 'not really worth bothering, really' setting. Mind you, it wouldn't hurt him to leave the thermostat alone at 18.5 Celsius set to come on automatically if the temperature drops below that instead of attempting to reprogramme the entire system and then turn it to 24.5 C to come on at 3-4am, either. Or put on a bloody t-shirt

Suppose the charger then depends on whether he has to search for his charger afterwards. I really don't like having to search the house for the only one that charges my phone, only to find it somewhere in the depths of his studio where he's used it and forgotten about bringing it back.

Is he in a high risk group? Even if not, you mentioning the other stuff suggests he's got some considerable anxiety about it.

He sounds anxious.

You sound annoyed by him.

Why are you with him if he irritates you enough that you post multiple threads about it?

Toaster thing I agree with your dh
Again I like to keep my charger plugged into one socket
The last 3 are coronvirus related and dont blame anyone for anxiety

Why can't he make and put up his own signs about washing hands if that's something he wants? Why ask you to do it?

My DH once told me that he preferred the mugs to all be put away in the cupboard with all the handles to the right.

So ever since, I've put them the opposite way.

No one would ever land that crap on me. If he wants it that way, he needs to live alone.

He needs to seek sone help for his anxieties because they are impacting you /household and it’s not on. Online therapy is still available even at the moment.

My experiences might be colouring my view but your post reminded me of my husband (in the process of divorcing). Je has many, many rules.and requests which, in isolation, didn't seem a big deal but once he was gone I started to realise that every bit of my time had been consumed with making sure that things were how he wanted them - the way the cutlery drawer was organised, the way the dishwasher had to be stacked, the way the butter had to be opened and stored... If I'd complained about any of those things and said he was controlling, people would have thought I was barking mad but in combination it was absolutely controlling behaviour which was oppressive, debiliating and soul destroying. Now I'm out of it I finally have room to breath and load the dishwasher however I fucking want! 😁

1. Buy a second toaster. Have 1 each. They are not expensive.

1. Buy a plug multi socket adapter or extension lead for that socket. Not expensive.

1. Weird af

1. Weird af

1. Not enough info. Do you both dislike sleeping in there? Is it a shitty room? If a shit mattress, get a new one. If too much light, get black out curtains. Etc. Then once it's brought up to standard, alternate who sleeps in there.

The fact that 2. is even an issue makes me think you are both so locked into arguing over petty shit you have both lost the ability to see the wood for the trees.