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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only offer my CM a small retainer

46 replies

DaxonJaxon · 28/03/2020 19:40

I am self employed, tourist related, I have no work.
DH is not a keyworker and wfh atm.

CM looks after our twins who are 22 months 3 days a week. She only has our boys and some older children before and after school. They are a handful but they love the childminder and she loves them. I’m very happy with her, they’ve been with her since they were 8 months.

Before she was forced to close she told me she wasn’t going to take any keyworkers children because she didn’t want to have to get to know new children, she is quite picky with the kids and parents she deals with etc... I think she thought DH was a keyworker, but turns out he isn’t.

She closed last Friday and she told me by text today that she will expect full payment for the foreseeable future to keep twins places. It wasn’t a pay what you can. It wasn’t even very polite and it was forwarded by her husband (who does the accounts) rather than her.

I can’t afford to pay her, it’s over £1000 a month.

My AIBU is, we live in a big university hospital city. I see on my mum Facebook groups daily, keyworkers looking for childcare. She has no interest in doing this, as she already told me. Why should I pay her, money that I don’t have, when she could be working but doesn’t want to.

I presume she will also claim the government money which I know isn’t until June.

Surely we do what we can to stay afloat in these times.

OP posts:
Boysnme · 28/03/2020 19:44

What do your terms & conditions say? Usually when they are closed you don’t pay but when they are open and you choose not to send them you still pay.

A % retainer in this situation given she’s closed would be more appropriate

Original poster
DaxonJaxon · 28/03/2020 19:46

The contract says if they are closed we don’t have to pay.

This is goodwill to keep my boys place. She is suggesting if I don’t pay the won’t be coming back. And if I don’t pay she will struggle to pay her bills. But I can’t pay my own bills either.

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 28/03/2020 19:49

I’d check t&c and offer a retainer - maybe £200 a month. If she won’t accept it then otherwise I guess you’d have to give notice. In my opinion she should have phoned and explained or at least messaged herself and put it better than it came across

Darbs76 · 28/03/2020 19:50

Surely she can claim the 80% of profits if she’s forced to close. I’d say sorry you can pay a small retainer or you’ll have to give notice.

ferntwist · 28/03/2020 19:51

Not on for her to just demand the money by text like that. It would make me feel quite differently about the situation.

Whatsername177 · 28/03/2020 19:52

Is she not claiming support via the government? She should be able to claim the 80%.

Summersun77 · 28/03/2020 19:53

Haha cheeky cow! Absolutely not. And if she’s so “picky” about who’s children she looks after I doubt she won’t have a place for your boys when all this is over!

Original poster
DaxonJaxon · 28/03/2020 19:53

She did also say the 80% wouldn’t cover a true 80% as her earnings were substantially lower prior to her taking on my boys. But that’s not my fault!

I’m really dissappointed in her with this tbh but she was highly recommended and also lives on my street which is obviously very cool.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/03/2020 19:56

Just serve notice.

Pay the notice period and decline any offer of supplying a reference for her.

Whatsername177 · 28/03/2020 20:01

I would decline. She is being hugely unreasonable.

Lou898 · 28/03/2020 20:21

I wouldn’t be paying her full payment but what you need to consider is - if as a result of you declining she does (however unlikely it seems now) take on other key worker children and she gets on well with them and therefore decides, as they have supported her, that she will continue to look after them and not take your boys back, would you be ok with this? Would you be able to find alternative care you and your boys would be happy with?
That’s what you are paying for in effect but I think you should explain that you are not currently working and can not afford it as she may not be aware. Try and come to a mutual agreement.

BraveLittleDragon · 28/03/2020 20:31

What are your chances of finding alternative care for your boys?

There have been numerous posts on MN recently and most say pay the CM. If she takes on key workers kids, there is no guarantee she will not stop them coming when things change in the future.

However, your contract clearly says you don't need to pay so IMO, I would terminate the contract. I would not say anything about references as she may be asked to provide one for your boys.

My concerns would be how easy/hard it would be to find a spot for two together which is as good as the one they are at though.

Original poster
DaxonJaxon · 28/03/2020 20:35

I really don’t know, we didn’t ask any other Cm or nurseries as she was recommended, we liked her and she had space.

OP posts:
FirmlyRooted · 28/03/2020 20:50

The real issue is that if you don't pay she may be forced to take other children which means that you lose your place and will have to find another CM or nursery. If you are ok with that, go ahead and cancel your contract.

The second issue is whether it's morally right for your CM to charge full fees. I think it's incredibly cheeky and would be very upset if my CM did this. BUT is keeping the place worth paying the fees?

You need to talk to her and explain that you have lost earnings and won't be able to afford to pay her. Offer a small retainer and she what she says.

bleepbleepbla · 28/03/2020 20:52

If OP doesn't have the money then she can't pay. I think CM is being incredibly cheeky!

BraveLittleDragon · 28/03/2020 20:53

Do you get the fees refunded if she decides not to reopen after this for whatever reason?

Thehop · 28/03/2020 20:54

I would offer the 20% that the government won’t offer. Explain that you understand if she wants to terminate their place and would appreciate being told ASAP.

Find a good nursery or another child minder

Dieu · 28/03/2020 20:55

A small retainer would be acceptable under the circumstances. YANBU.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 28/03/2020 20:57

My CM has said the same except both DH and I furloughed - she wants paying in full and despite having child for 5 years has basically said she doesn't need us as she's getting enquiries from
Key workers. We feel pressured/backed against a wall as as soon as we can get back to work we will need childcare.

I am looking at options to just give notice and hope that we can get grandparents to provide childcare during what would have been the summer holidays

CallMeRachel · 28/03/2020 21:00

Just serve notice.

Pay the notice period and decline any offer of supplying a reference for her.

You are not legally bound to pay notice as the service is closed and unavailable. The terms of the contract are now null and void in a global pandemic.

You could just take them out now and not pay her a penny and there's no way she will succeed in a claim against you.

Your Cm is being extremely entitled and greedy.

If she needs money to pay her bills she can stay open as advised by the government for key workers children. If she does want to do that there's jobs out there she could do temporarily.

If she's been in business for 3+ years she will be given 80% of her net profit by the government.

LolaSmiles · 28/03/2020 21:01

It's normal to pay a retainer fee, and sometimes that's full fees when the provider is still open (eg people not requiring school holiday childcare), but full fees when they're closed seems a bit cheeky to me.

Really it comes down to whether you'll be needing the places again and how easily you'll find comparable childcare for both children.

DonnaDarko · 28/03/2020 21:02

The contract says if they are closed we don’t have to pay

If she's intentionally closing, that holds, but a forced closure by the government is different. I would start negotiating rather than giving a flat no.

If she still insists on full pay, then I'd consider whether it's worth keeping the place. We don't know how long the lockdown will last

doyoueverfeellikea · 28/03/2020 21:02

Absolutely no question here for me. You trust her enough to look after your boys but now the shit has hit the fan she's the one to lose out. Good childminders are hard to find and the fact she doesn't want to take key workers children because she doesn't know them is a good thing. It says she like to have time to get to know them and their needs and not see it as a quick money earner. The kids will be unsettled and so would she! Talk to her and pay what you can I say

TwoKidsStillStanding · 28/03/2020 21:04

I think in view of your circumstances, it’s cheeky. Our CM has asked us, if possible, to pay in full for April, but she knows our income hasn’t been affected by the situation. She doesn’t feel she can morally charge full prices after that but equally can’t survive on no salary so hasn’t decided what to do after next month. If we were in your position, I’m confident she’d agree a retainer.

HeidiHoNeighbour · 28/03/2020 21:06

I’d say something like
Oh that’s a unfortunate situation. We obviously can’t afford to pay you the full rate and yet I do understand that you need to earn too.

As no one knows how long this situation is going to last, I have no choice but to remove my children.
It’s a shame, they lived their time with you but we’re not earning enough to retain their spaces.

I thank you for your time.

Nothing you can do about it really.