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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he could get in trouble for this?

52 replies

inthedarkx · 28/03/2020 12:41

My husband has applied for divorce I got the letter this morning. He had selected the 'separated for 2 years option' which is lies. We haven't been separated for 2 years yet. He's a liar. He left me for another woman. We have no proper contact or financial arrangements in place for the children because he's been difficult throughout and now he's sent for divorce and lied about the date we separated ! Surely this is wrong to divorce. Of course I want to divorce this prick but he's only doing it as the woman he left me for is pressuring him to marry her and why does he just get to walk away without any proper arrangements in place as he knows I have no money for representation or court orders.
I've Been made out to be this bad guy by him and his gf and now this divorce makes me look like the bad guy even more and it's all lies. He left me and came back to me to male out marriage work but then left me again for the same woman and now he gets to LIE!!!

OP posts:
HelenaHyena · 29/03/2020 13:11

Why does it matter if you haven't been separated for two years? If just lie too to get the divorce ASAP rather than contest that it hasn't been that long

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/03/2020 13:14

@HelenaHyena because it matters to me. Why would I agree to lies. And like others have said it can impact other things. And it also makes it look to his gf that we was separated a long time before he got with her and that makes her feel better. Well I don't want that. I want the truth displayed

OP posts:
nobodyimportant · 29/03/2020 13:15

You need to get some proper legal advice, not ask on here.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/03/2020 13:15

@nobodyimportant will there by any available at the moment due tot this pandemic ?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/03/2020 13:23

Solicitors will be WFH

Shinesweetfreedom · 29/03/2020 13:29

Is this quickiedivorce.co

strawberrylipgloss · 29/03/2020 13:31

Don't blindly agree to 2 year separation or it could cause problems with Tax Credits.

Janaih · 29/03/2020 13:41

I used quickie divorce, they were brilliant and they have different levels of support you can pay for. I used the highest one and it was a great help. Think about 500 quid on top of court fees etc. They used a solicitors firm based in Yorkshire I think. Still makes me laugh that's where my divorce hearing was, 300 miles from where I live.

Janaih · 29/03/2020 13:42

Agree, do not under any circumstances agree to a 2 year separation that hasn't happened yet!

Samtsirch · 29/03/2020 13:46

Is he looking for a reaction from you.?
Ignore him and look after yourself and your children.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/03/2020 13:54

He said he wants to buy a house 'for his kids' by aug/sept and wants to divorce me before then. But I know the real reason is his gf is pressurising him to marry her because she's a Jehovah whiteness apparently and wants her relationship to look more 'valid' lol so I'm expected to accept lies to appease her so she has what she wants. They met on tinder so just makes her look like she's using the Jehovah witness status to always get what she wants.
He said it's 'just a piece of paper'
He wasn't originally from this country although he's been here for over 17 years as we have been married for 14, together 15 and now he's applied for his British citizenship and been aware it he wants a divorce all of a sudden, he wasn't interested in divorcing before this. I don't want to accept this just so he gets an easy ride and accept lies ! He's made my life very difficult since he left and he thinks after divorce he can continue doing the manipulating but divorce to me is final, I will move away and not have any contact with him at all unless it Involves the children and I'll do all that through another location and not my home. If I have to save for years for a private rent to finally get away from him I will make it my life goal

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/03/2020 13:59

Do you have a mortgaged home, joint savings etc I think you really need to seek legal advice on how you respond objecting to a divorce petition as it contains lies.

EL8888 · 29/03/2020 14:23

It’s the principal of the matter plus they are legal documents that he’s lying on. Possibly it could also have repercussions further on down the line so l can see why OP feels like this. He likes having things his way doesn’t he, as does she. From what you say he’s a complete liar so lm sure there will be more to come lm sure. I would get legal advice and follow it whilst doing what is best for you, not what is best for your ex and the OW

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/03/2020 14:26

What makes me angry is this year he applied for his citizenship based on our marriage yet he's applied for divorce and say we separated in 2017, so he's happy to tell
The truth when he wants something

OP posts:
Cherryade8 · 29/03/2020 14:34

So tell the home office you weren't together when he applied for citizenship. That will scupper him Grin

Then divorce him asap on grounds of adultery, start afresh, new job or whatever you need to feel great about yourself. Move onwards and upwards, I did this and I know my ex regrets losing me hahahaha

EL8888 · 29/03/2020 14:35

Yep just demonstrates how he always wants things his way. I would just tell the truth

mummmy2017 · 29/03/2020 14:59

If you have his address or use your address and send the documents in to prove he has requested the divorce.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 29/03/2020 15:20

He's applied for divorce during this crisis deliberately Because he knows I rely on him to get supplies for the children ( he drives I don't) and can't risk taking them a 35 minute walk there and a 35 walk back to the supermarket so knows if I be difficult and not sign on his terms then we will be in bad terms and he won't go
To the shops for me. So he's basically got me into a corner. There are no delivery slots available anyway so I'm screwed. He knows what he's done. Any decent man would hand left it until after this crisis

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 29/03/2020 15:33

There are volunteer community groups helping those who can’t get out and shop themselves. Reduce your reliance on him as much as possible.

RandomMess · 29/03/2020 15:51

I agree on Facebook there are volunteer community groups and most churches are running them too.

As he's used your marriage to apply for citizenship you could be accused of fraud if you now agree that you separated much earlier.

RandomMess · 29/03/2020 15:52

Sort out help elsewhere then politely ask him why is he risking his citizenship by now stating you were separated on x y z?

He is being very stupid!

monkeymonkey2010 · 29/03/2020 15:53

What makes me angry is this year he applied for his citizenship based on our marriage yet he's applied for divorce and say we separated in 2017
Ask him if he wants to be reported/done for fraud on two accounts?
There would be a third charge if it were possible to prove he used your relationship for citizenship......

There will be other single parent households in your area, get online etc and start building your own support network.
Call his bluff on the food - if he does it's even more evidence of his arseholience to use during the divorce.

He sealed his fate with the date on the citizenship Grin

DragonflyInn · 29/03/2020 16:53

I really think you have to challenge the date of separation. If you’ve both been signing legal documents (UK citizenship, right to buy, whatever) you’d leave yourself open to accusations of fraud if you’ve signed other documents (divorce) saying you’ve been apart for 2 years.

Windyatthebeach · 29/03/2020 19:34

If you agree and he tells hmrc you could have to pay back joint tax credit claim money.....

PicaK · 29/03/2020 19:46

There's some really helpful websites on divorce if you Google them. And every single one says you need to separate head from heart.
Your emotional rage and hurt are perfectly valid but you need to leave those aside whilst you sort out divorce, finances and children.
Just log on. State why you disagree. Eg the date he moved back in and left again, your joint tax credit claim and his citizenship thing. Keep it factual, do not use the word lies just state your reasons.
He's paid £550 to get this far - and on dodgy ground. He'll probably switch to unreasonable behaviour but that'll cost him another 550 quid.
Sit tight and don't you start spending 550 to divorce him for adultery!! And be sure to tick the box that says you're not liable for any court costs.
Flowers because its hard and he sounds v controlling.

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