I sound like a horrible person I know but AIBU?

[LittleTittle]

My grandparents are in isolation for 12 weeks due to age and underlying issues.

They have 4 children, including my parent. I have an aunt and an uncle that don't work (mid 30s-40s). My parent is self isolating after developing symptoms.

I keep getting messages off my parent asking me to go to shop for X Y Z for my grandparents. I last went a few days ago and have had another messages asking me to go again for more things and drop them off.

AIBU to be getting a bit irritated now? I've got a full time job that I'm still having to do and a young family at home. I just managed to get a shop in for us yesterday and now I'm having to go back to do another shop for my grandparents when they have multiple children who are capable of doing it, two of which have no job and live close by.

I feel horrible because its a stressful time for my grandparents I understand that and I want to help but it's starting to bug me that I, as their grandchild, seem to be doing more than their actual children.

I also can't afford to keep buying additional food and petrol

Why not text the aunt and uncle and point out to them that their parents need help? Or your DM?

This isn't really the time for passive seething. Tell them what they need to do - look after their parents. You focus on your DC's.

Does your parent do online banking if your GPs don't? I think they should be taking some of the financial strain.

You need to develop a bit of a spine, OP, and say to your parent - "I can't afford the time or petrol etc to keep "popping out for bits" - I'm prepared to do a shop a week for GPs, but I could also use some money towards it, I need you/the rest of the family to chip in as well".

With all due respect, OP, if you don't put in place boundaries then you'll simply need to just suck up the hassle and financial loss and continue on.

You have a few options:

A) Tell their kids to step up and stop doing it yourself. Inform your grandparents that x will be getting their shopping next week and leave them to it.
B) You parent should financially compensate you until the GPs can especially as she seems to be a big part of the reason to why you're going out multiple times a week for them
C) Continue doing the shop for the GPs but make it explicitly clear that you do one shop once a week for both of you. Tell them to write you a list for the week of everything they need. If you're out shopping, ring them just before you go in to double check they don't need anything else, and then that's that. No more additions or extras- they'll just have to wait until next week. If they get moody then simply tell them to ask their other children to pick it up for them instead.

The harsh reality is, you have to focus on your immediate family. Your grandparents have many children that could look after them. You either need to control the situation so it works around what suits you, or bin it off entirely.

A pandemic, no matter how serious, is not an excuse to treat someone like an unpaid slave. If people cannot be appreciative of what help you're providing, then I'd withdraw the help and let them figure it out themselves. They may be vulnerable but they aren't stupid.

Grandparents can ring up their bank to transfer cash across to you OP. They just need your account details.

My elderly parents are the same. They are used to popping to the shops daily.
I have said that they must make a list for the week. That they can freeze bread and milk.

My MiL had this situation with her FiL (My DH's DGF). When my FiL was living he took care of this dad despite having two siblings. When my FiL died unexpectedly this 'duty' fell to my MiL. He was a demanding old man and kept her running hither and yon. DH told her that she needed to tell his remaining children to take care of their father. She tried but they had more excuses than Carter has pills.

Even when MiL fell ill herself they didn't step up. It wasn't until DH called his aunt and his uncle and read them the riot act (in NOT very nice language) and told them that their father was THEIR responsibility not his mother's and that she would NOT be running after him anymore. They stepped up when they realized their 'free ride' was over.

If I were you I'd call Uncle and Aunt and rain hell down on them. At best they'll step up. At worst you'll just be where you already are.

One shop a week is reasonable. And it sounds like they ask you because they know the others won't do it.

Great thread! I've got 3 spare lemons .. any ideas?

@AcrossthePond55 has hit the nail on the head.
You have been given some excellent advice and just now need to put it into practice. Easy for me to say from a keyboard.
Imagine it this way. If everybody you met on the street was in the contagion stage of measles, would you still be running yourself ragged trying to shop for GPs? Explain THIS situation to your GPs. They might understand the(it's like) measles contagion more easily than something which none of us have ever heard of before.

oops wrong thread!

I can't believe they don't give you the money for their groceries!

Husband and I looked after MIL for quite a long time leading up to her death and she always said, "What do I owe you?", and paid, was generous too. She was lovely to care for.

Brokeinabook - you have three lemons??? How and where? I'll get on me bike immediately.

Did the NHS send them a letter telling them that they had to isolate themselves for 12 weeks? I know the vulnerable are receiving letters....

@Lynda07 they will pay but don't have money in the house. I do my grandparents shopping and luckily they did have money in the house to pay me. My MIL didn't so she'll pay once she gets to a bank and my parents have done bank transfer.