To think I’m nit mot being unreasonable regarding sleeping arrangements?.....

[Potkettlexx]

DP and I been together nearly 6 years.

2 children who both at different points would wake up through the night. Children see their dad often (DP is not sad)

4 bed house so we have a spare bedroom next to youngest DC room. So I started sleeping in there so when DC woke up I could quickly settle him before he woke up my other DC and DP who was up early did work.

Then my older DC went through a phase of waking up so I stayed in the spare room so I could quickly settle them too. I think she liked the fact that if she needed me she could come in and wouldn’t disturb DP as he was up early.

Kids are much better now and don’t really wake up but I’m so used to sleeping on my own that I do t like sharing a bed anymore 😳 DP snores and I’m a light sleeper. He gets cold in bed and I over heat and I just find myself not getting much sleep.

When DC are with their dad I often go and sleep in DC bed (a double) adults night e and cool, no noise or someone wriggling around!

I am a generally tired person anyway. I work and have to get up at 6.30 most days so I just find it better to sleep without him 😬

He’s not very happy and said it’s like friends. I disagree as we’re very affectionate in every other way, it’s just I need my sheep. He says it’s not healthy and what do other couples do?!

I agree with him in part but feel he’s going OTT as he knows how much I love him. It’s not my fault I’m a light sleeper and he snores etc....

AIBU?

Nip mop? WTF is that 😂

Also he went off in a huff saying he’s not happy about it. I explained that if I slept with him then I’d be knackered all day and is it worth it for me to suffer due to lack of sleep?

I think he’s being unreasonable and he thinks I am?....

That's a difficult one, OP! Seems to me it would be fine if he was happy with it, but as he's not I'm not sure what the best thing is. As you say, you do need your sleep.

Could you get a larger bed and put a bolster down the middle, to prevent you from rolling into each other so you're better able to sleep?

Good luck and I hope you can find a compromise

He's being ridiculous and acting like a clingy toddler.

Separate rooms, the best mattress you can afford and blackout blinds= bliss.

My husband and I have been together 5 years and married for 3 nearly we are very much in love but love sleeping in seperate rooms 😅 we've done it for a couple of years now ! He's an extremely light sleeper I'm a fidget and now I'm pregnant I'm up to the toilet multiple times a night it'd be a nightmare for him! We both agree on it though and think it's best so not sure what I'd do if he didnt feel the same way...
Good luck hope you can get it sorted!

@n00bMaster69

*He's being ridiculous and acting like a clingy toddler.

Separate rooms, the best mattress you can afford and blackout blinds= bliss.*

Bliss indeed! Don’t know what the fuss is about lol

@CarolinaPink

We’ve actually got a super king 🙈 but still doesn’t seem big enough ha. To be fair, it’s the snoring that keeps me awake for the most part. I do actually like cuddling in to him especially on a cold night but then he snores and I want to shout at him ha

@ArthurandJessie

Well that’s it, it can and does work. It’s as if don’t love him 🙄 of course i do - I just love my sleep 💤

And you need your sheep!

I’d hate this.

Married 21years too.

I don’t need my sheep though 😂

dont think it's an issue -;according to studies most people do sleep better on there own. maybe have a cuddle beforehand then sneak off? decent sleep is important

YANBU.

I sleep in our bedroom and DP sleeps on the sofa. He snores so, so loud. Unbelievably loud. I just cannot sleep next to him. It gets to the point where I'm absolutely shattered and all I want to do is go to sleep but I can't. If we had a spare bedroom we would absolutely have separate rooms. It doesn't mean we love each other any less. A good sleep is so important OP. Your DP is putting too much significance in sharing a bed and what this means for your relationship. It doesn't mean anything. It just means you want a good sleep! And sleep is important for a relationship too (I'd be a moody cow without it!)

Could you wake him every time he snores? He might then begin to understand the impact of being woken several times a night

Can you start off in the same bed, so you cuddle up together, and then go your separate ways for the sleep bit?

Has he done anything to stop his snoring?

It’s obviously a serious issue for him, so needs resolving.

I understand how you feel, I get very hot in the night and love a bed to myself. However, I think a big part of a marriage is the closeness of sharing a bed, so I think YABU. Sorry.

Personally I think that unless both partners are happy with this it might cause problems in a relationship. Could you look into improving sleeping arrangements in your shared room - eg bigger bed, black-out blinds, separate duvets, maybe even white noise playing to distract from snoring? Otherwise I guess you need to work out how to convince your dp that it’s not a rejection of him.

We were in a similar situation due to me co-sleeping with DS. I prefer my own cold, dark room. We are now sharing a room again and I think it is good for us. I do often go in the spare room in the night if I can't sleep or if I have to get up to DS.

We have a superking with a good quality mattress so I don't feel DH move. Only problem is it is harder to jostle him if he snores! We also have separate single duvets of different togs. I use earplugs and an eye mask, but did that anyway when sleeping separately.

We are lucky enough to have a spare room, husband is not much of a snorer but I am such a bad sleeper that even his deep breathing keeps me awake.
We always go to bed togther but most nights I move to spare room once he is audibly asleep.
I am an early waker so I return to our bed around 5.30

I couldn't sleep in a different bedroom to dp. Sharing a bed is something you do with nobody else in the world and it's a very important part of a marriage for me. If dp wanted to sleep separate it'd be a deal breaker for me.

DH prefers to sleep separately and I’ll be honest it’s a massive issue for me. We compromise and work round it but I’m not really ok with it. There’s no perfect compromise because he will always struggle to sleep together and I will always feel a bit shit and rejected that he doesn’t seem to want or need that level of intimacy involved in waking up together etc. So someone always gets to feel a bit crap, and it’s usually me because the need for sleep trumps the need for a cuddle. But it only works because he listens and accepts my feelings about it and doesn’t dismiss them as childish - he’ll come in for a cuddle for half an hour before getting up for work for example.

It’s fine for you to prefer to sleep separately and I’m not questioning your reasons, but also it’s totally up to him if sharing a bed is important to him in a relationship (as it is for many people). It’s not fair to dismiss him as ridiculous, silly or clingy because he wants/needs something different from the relationship than you do, and it’s up to him whether the fact that you’re incompatible in this aspect, coupled with the dismissal of his feelings about it, is a dealbreaker.

It's a tricky one because I see his point that it feels like friends not having that time and sharing a room, but equally you need your sleep.

I think the issue is it's very easy to slowly drift into becoming less and less intimate and affectionate.

Ultimately this sort of arrangement only works if both partners are on board. I'm not sure what the answer is though. Good ear plugs?

It's not so much about where you're sleeping, I'm assuming and more about how often you're DTD.
Assuming you do still like him that way (otherwise he's really got a point). Build that in somewhere. When the DC go to their dad's maybe those nights you could sleep with DH rather than in their room?

Married over 30 years and slept in separate rooms on and off over that period. Nowadays we always sleep separately. My husband is such a noisy sleeper, I don't understand why anyone would force themselves to sleep in the same room just for the sake of appearance. A decent sleep is a basic need.

Don’t you think you might get used to it if you tried, OP? You shared a bed with him pre-DCs so it’s probably worth trying. Life is busy so my partner and I don’t get much time together during the day but I like knowing he will be with me at night. Perhaps iou could ask your partner to try snore-reducing products or even get a cpap machine? (That is loud too but in a different way, mich easier to tolerate than snoring.)

I think its bizarre there is more emphasis on this thread to keep him happy then there is on ensuring you get good quality sleep especially when you have children.

if it bothers him so much then he will have to go to his GP to get to the root of his snoring and hopefully get some help with it (after all this calms down of course), he cant expect you to sacrifice your sleep and him do nothing about this problem. that isnt fair at all.

What kind of solutions has he sought for the snoring? Mouth guards, sprays, nose strips?

If none then he can feck off, he's wanting it all his was with zero effort required on his part.