Nasty text - school parent issue

[Nonnymcannonymousface]

Urgh....I know everyone is stressed about things at the moment but I need a bit of perspective.

So, my DH appeared home from work today and told me he had a text from one of his good friends. It was asking DH a question about something. DH asked his friend how he knew about the issue and friend setbacks him a screen shot of an email he had received from a parent at the school. It included the info in a very shit stiry way but was also fairly rude about me. 😳. My DH wasn’t very impressed but went back and clarified the info

I’ve hardly spoken to this parent. Always been very civil when we have. One of my good friends and her DH are good friends with this person and their partner. My DH and I aren’t as they aren’t people we have particularly gel-ed with but are always happy to chat and have thought we had a perfectly pleasant relationship.

So - thankfully we are housebound for the foreseeable future but I am feeling really awkward about this as we have DC in the same year and obviously they are friends with one of my good friends so am now feeling vaguely paranoid. Actually, a lot paranoid. It’s not very nice to actually know that someone thinks thus a lot me. Plus, I was 😳 that my DH’s friend sent the text on TBH. Can’t go out to meet my friends for wine so turning to MN for some advice

Has the 'shit-stirring' friend of your DH, rebuked the rude original emailer?
Otherwise, you've got 2 people to blank going forward.

Was it an out and out character assassination, or more a throwaway comment? Something specific or vague?

What was it about your personality?

If it's something like "she never stops talking" then let it go and don't speak to her again.
If it's something really bad then ask her about it?
Then kick her in the left tit and don't speak to her again?

Has MN exited this and not said? Confused!

If it was sort of "How's Nonny coping with the kids at home? God, she's a neurotic, stuck-up cow" sort of thing, I would go out of of my way to be nice as pie to them at every opportunity.

That really makes someone squirm if they've been nasty about you, and it's great fun to see them so uncomfortable.

Actually no need to be paranoid. You now know that that person doesn't like you. As my MIL used to say, "you are not a little gold coin for everyone to love you".

Now you know where you stand with them, you can do and say what you want, it can't get any worse, can it?

Several times in my life I have ended up with a good relationship with my enemies.

Bollocks to her. She's simply shown you she is not a nice person.

Send them the screenshot and ask them what their problem is. It’s the perfect time to do it, you won’t have to face them for ages. If you wait till you see them they’ll pretend they’ve forgotten all about it.

Was it "I tried to chat about the school home learning packs but as you know Nonny is very vague and confusing in her answers"?

I don't know why anyone's confused. OP's first post was clear.

I don't think I could just be polite. I think I would avoid that mother, and if she were fake "nice" to me, I'd tell her I know what she's said about me to others, and leave it at that.

I doubt the man who forwarded the text thought much about what was posted. Men are less sensitive to these matters.

You will never please everyone, so no use worrying about it.

I like Lakielady's advice...although I'd probably go one further and have to slip into conversation exactly what they'd said about me. "Well you know me, always been (insert what was said) ha ha"

I can't get past grown adults going out of their way to say something nasty about someone they vaguely know in an email to a friend....So weird!

People say unkind things all the time about others in person to their friends or make a horrible judgemental comment now and again but in person, it's still shitty behaviour nonetheless. The email thing is strange.

I'd feel weird too op

wtf im so fucking lost. This is so vague.

Just ask them why the hell they were so rude about you maybe?

Well the friend who forwarded sounds like a sh×t stirrer. People say things to tohe people that life. Dont see what it achieved by him forwarding msg to your dh

I understand what you're saying & don't know why people are confused.

Maybe you're getting more sleep than the rest of us.

I think I get it.

Rude woman sent an email to mutual friend/DH's workmate. In the email she wanted certain information that your DH would know but she also bitched nastily about you without cause.

DH's workmate forwarded the information request along with the rest of the email which included the insulting of you.

So, either workmate is dumb, wanted to give you a heads up or is a needless shit stirrer.

Either way, he did you a favour.

Don't feel awkward. She is the one caught out. She is the one who needs to be embarrassed and awkward.

Personally I'd be mad enough to send the screenshot to Bitchy Karen and simply say, "Please don't say things like this behind my back. It's really rather rude and uncalled for"
The mutual friend is no friend to either. He's shit stirring with you and betraying his other friend by "snitching". You don't need to protect him and you're the only one who's done nothing at all wrong.

Maybe you're getting more sleep than the rest of us.

Very possible. My children are grown.

So, either workmate is dumb, wanted to give you a heads up or is a needless shit stirrer.

Or he didn't really think of the full content when he forwarded the email. It's akin to sending a personal email to the whole office, rather than just your coworker.

OP, I think, while wearing my big girl pants I don’t wear when things are about me, you should just write it off as the email sender being a massive bitch and just one of those people - we can’t like everyone, and if it’s not making an issue in real life or with your DC, then it doesn’t matter.

I would be very pissed off with your DH’s friend. It’s complete shit stirring.