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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nasty text - school parent issue

67 replies

Nonnymcannonymousface · 27/03/2020 19:26

Urgh....I know everyone is stressed about things at the moment but I need a bit of perspective.

So, my DH appeared home from work today and told me he had a text from one of his good friends. It was asking DH a question about something. DH asked his friend how he knew about the issue and friend setbacks him a screen shot of an email he had received from a parent at the school. It included the info in a very shit stiry way but was also fairly rude about me. 😳. My DH wasn’t very impressed but went back and clarified the info

I’ve hardly spoken to this parent. Always been very civil when we have. One of my good friends and her DH are good friends with this person and their partner. My DH and I aren’t as they aren’t people we have particularly gel-ed with but are always happy to chat and have thought we had a perfectly pleasant relationship.

So - thankfully we are housebound for the foreseeable future but I am feeling really awkward about this as we have DC in the same year and obviously they are friends with one of my good friends so am now feeling vaguely paranoid. Actually, a lot paranoid. It’s not very nice to actually know that someone thinks thus a lot me. Plus, I was 😳 that my DH’s friend sent the text on TBH. Can’t go out to meet my friends for wine so turning to MN for some advice

OP posts:

Pentium85 · 27/03/2020 20:02

Not sure how people are getting confused OP, I fully understand

Look, you've been put in a bit of a shit situation, and playground antics or not, it makes you feel crap to know someone is talking about you behind your back. This is then doubled because you're stuck at home, emotions are already running high and you probably can't go and rant to your usual friends etc because of the situation.

Pour yourself a drink, and honestly try not to think about it.

Whenever you bump into this parent again, just be civil and hold your head high.

There are some right knobs in the world, but please don't let them take your time for a second or allow them space in your thoughts.

ralphi · 27/03/2020 20:03

This sort of thing is always very hurtful when it happens, but you are wrong to look for what you may have done to offend her. This is not something that you have done, and not your fault. You cannot influence this, she doesn't like you for some reason which is not rational, and you cannot make this better. The only thing you can do is see this for what it is, her problem, and not yours. Although difficult you need to distance yourself from this person and not let them take up any more headspace. Why they have a problem might not be clear now, but they obviously do. It is however their problem, and theirs alone. Sod them!

Original poster

Nonnymcannonymousface · 27/03/2020 20:03

The email was about a DH work matter which is totally irrelevant to this and then this school parent person asked DH's friend how I was (as obviously he knows me) and basically then was very rude about me

I have no idea at all why this school person has said this and it was a total non-sequitor to the email. I am partly being vague because it was so totally random and unexplained. So I can't explain it

OP posts:

Mawbags · 27/03/2020 20:05

So it was something like “as Betty said (the fat cow)..... blah blah blah”

Hmm
Ignore and stick her on your shit list

Soontobe60 · 27/03/2020 20:06

Come on OP, what exactly did the email say about you?

Cohle · 27/03/2020 20:08

Why on earth the friend forward it on to you? It sounds like they were shit stirring...

CheekyMango · 27/03/2020 20:09

I wouldn't worry they've made themselves look shit for gossiping in black and white so they look not you. Everyone knows those who gossip to you gossip about you and also everyone has their own opinion and usually most mature adults make their own judgements rather than go on someone else's.

annamie · 27/03/2020 20:09

but I am feeling really awkward about this as we have DC in the same year

Stop feeling awkward and find your anger.

Email them right back asking what the fuck are they playing at talking shit about you.

Stand up for yourself, OP.

CheekyMango · 27/03/2020 20:09

They look bad not you, that should have been!

cabbageking · 27/03/2020 20:11

You are free to ignore it, which is what I suggest or get pulled into nonsense that will waste your time.

People are anxious, mourning, in pain or dying.
You have better things to do than waste time on this.

VettiyaIruken · 27/03/2020 20:12

You have nothing to feel awkward about. They were rude, not you.

VettiyaIruken · 27/03/2020 20:13

We're they rude about your looks or your personality or something you've done or said?

Hippee · 27/03/2020 20:14

I had this once, only they accidentally sent it directly to me, instead of the intended recipient. They were more embarrassed than me. I'd try to let them know that you've seen it and watch them squirm.

Chloemol · 27/03/2020 20:15

Being the person I am I would now contact the person who sent the original email, say you have seen the comment, thought that you all got on ok, that you would have appreciated them coming to you direct if there is a problem and can we sort it now

FredaFrogspawn · 27/03/2020 20:24

I strongly suspect the person who forwarded this to your dh didn’t notice or remember the bitchy bit on the end and is now/going to later kicking himself with cringe.

Honestly I wouldn’t give it another thought. Just re-evaluate your opinion of the person who said this shit and don’t bother with them again.

BecauseReasons · 27/03/2020 20:25

Forward the email back to the original sender. Just write '?' as the subject line.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 27/03/2020 20:25

OP everyone is entitled to their own opinions good or bad..what I would be questioning is not so much the content of what was said but why your dhs friend felt the need to shit stir to make you aware of the matter as no good hs come from their actions and why would a true friend wish to hurt you like that or at least cause distress.The problem is not what was wrote that wasnt for your eyes or ears and their opinion although you may disagree is ok for them to have,the problem is your dhs thoughtless friend.as to what they thinkthey could achieve by sending this...totally uncalled for ...as I see it you are upset at the wrong person here...

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/03/2020 20:28

I agree that unless it was accidental, Dh’s “friend” is a massive shit-stirrer.

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 20:29

I think that must be really upsetting for you. Seeing as your DH was sent it I would message the 'friend' and ask why they said these things about you in an email and if they thought that why hadn't they brought it up before.
I would say now we are social distancing it would be the perfect time.

converseandjeans · 27/03/2020 20:32

I understand what you're saying & don't know why people are confused.
The person who forwarded the email is stirring.
I'd be tempted to confront the person who sent this original email. But that would be #awkward!
I would give the group a wide berth for a while - easy to do at the moment!

Original poster

Nonnymcannonymousface · 27/03/2020 20:35

They were rude about my personality. I don't really want to say what they said because it's not very nice. But DH read it 3 times before speaking to me as he was sure he must have misunderstood

OP posts:

Original poster

Nonnymcannonymousface · 27/03/2020 20:38

And thank you for the good advice and listening to me. I actually feel loads better after venting on here

I am mulling over sending a message but I'd actually rather bring it up face to face. Which will obviously be in quite a while and hopefully I'll have forgotton about it by then 😂

OP posts:

emilybrontescorsett · 27/03/2020 20:39

I agree with Sally why has a so called friend went this to your dh?
If I was your dh I would be questioning his 'friend' about his true motives.
It's unlikely that you will come into contact with the original sender so you don't have to worry about your reaction to them.

Walkaround · 27/03/2020 20:41

Well, they are clearly the ones with the defective personalities, sending gratuitously offensive messages and then forwarding them on...

Original poster

Nonnymcannonymousface · 27/03/2020 20:42

And - as DH pointed out - I think it is the forwarder of the email's motives that I should possibly be pissed off about as you've said

OP posts:

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