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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so peeved with MIL attitude to ‘stay home’

72 replies

Ohmaidaiz · 26/03/2020 13:15

I’m sure I’m not the first or last thread of this nature!
MIL defies the stay at home/no social interaction rules, continues to see her sister who lives in same village everyday!
Now I completely understand it’s hard for them both (both live alone) but ffs, they are carrying on like they’re exempt from the rules! MIL has her sister over for a cuppa and they’re both interacting with others in the village.
What really grinds is the fact that, on the whole, it’s the elderly who will suffer if they contract coronavirus. So the truth is largely, we are all staying home and not seeing our friends and family in person to save the elderly. (Yes I know that young people and those without existing health conditions die from it too but on the whole it is the elderly who are suffering the most) and then there’s quite a few of the elderly flouting these rules even though they’re put in place to give the NHS a fighting chance of saving their lives when they contract corona. Just infuriates me!!

OP posts:
georgie279 · 27/03/2020 07:26

OP I'm in similar situation.

My mil & fil still go out for a drive (coffee from petrol station) every morning, with their extremely vulnerable son! Because it's the 'only thing they can do'.

We went for our daily walk with baby yesterday, saw fil driving past in his soft top... no idea why!

They declare they're social distancing & clap for nhs etc etc but still go out when it's not essential then cry because they can't see our baby... they live literally next door!

As horrible as I sound I hope the police do stop them! And I've told my husband if they're still going out, thheyre not to come over!

georgie279 · 27/03/2020 07:29

By the way they're in their mid 60s so not elderly! Just stubborn.

recycledbottle · 27/03/2020 07:31

Maybe you could suggest that the sisters choose a house to live in together for company. It must be hard being on your own. If she is only meeting her sister and just walks to her without interacting with anyone else then I dont see how it is different than a husband and wife living together but going for walks.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2020 07:35

In my village it's groups of teenagers that need dispersing. Everyone else is law abiding

Oblomov20 · 27/03/2020 07:41

I don't think they have a point. Their attitude really hacks me off.
Why are the rest of us bothering?

CheshireDing · 27/03/2020 07:43

As others have said it’s not just the elderly catching it , it’s when the elderly person who didn’t stay home catches it, takes up a ventilator then my DH (a Nurse) catches it and there’s no ventilators left.

That then also means there’s less healthcare staff helping people with cv because they take longer to recover because equipment is already being used up, or they due because no equipment was available.

Selfish arseholes.

PlugholePencil · 27/03/2020 07:52

Another one here disappointed with the older people in my life.
My DF is still going out regularly to shop, do his hobby etc and he has a pre-exisitng condition. My kids won’t remember my DM who died a while ago. I think he’s selfish not protecting himself, let alone those he comes into contact with.
My in-laws are both late 70s and until ‘lockdown’ announcement we’re still going to church, shopping, tea etc. Last Sunday they went into church even though there was no congregation or service. They went to catch up on some admin.
This is the reality.
They just don’t like someone dictating to them that they are ‘vulnerable’.
They’ve all gone down in my opinion.

LakieLady · 27/03/2020 07:59

My DSS is still going to work, even though his employer has told them they can stay home and just be available for callouts in an emergency (he's a tree surgeon, so that would be something like a fallen tree blocking a road).

He's T1 diabetic. His lodger is a paramedic.

And he wonders why his ex won't let him see his daughter.

OneInEight · 27/03/2020 08:11

Perhaps some more detailed epidemiological studies would help reinforce the message e.g. of those patients admitted to hospital today with coronavirus what proportion have been following the advice to the letter of self isolating & how many have thought the rules do not apply to them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/03/2020 08:12

TDogs
Is that groups of people walking together as a group or individuals? Over 70’s are allowed out, you know.

jackdawdawn · 27/03/2020 08:13

No you aren't being unreasonable.

I went out yesterday to get some essentials to a retail park near me which contains a LIDL, M&S, etc. Most of the people I saw would have been sixties/seventies, both in M&S and in cars.

I had a mask and gloves on, these older people had nothing to protect them.

The younger population are taking a dreadful hit for this economically and in terms of their kids' education, and from what I've witnessed many older people aren't taking it seriously - I mean, the PM did tell them to self isolate for 12 weeks. In my local community, churches are arranging food and medicine collections, there are leaflets through every door, yet many still go out.

If the police are telling people to go home, setting up checkpoints etc, why aren't they even tougher with older people, who are flouting the govt's message?

I also walked the dog very early on today and again most people out and about were in their seventies.

PureedSocksAndPants · 27/03/2020 08:19

Ditto here. All mid 70s/80 with health issues.

I sorted out shopping and medication collection for my parents at the weekend. Said just to ask for anything else. Then they told me they’d been back in Asda 2 days later.

Same with in-laws who have been popping out only ‘just quickly’. I didn’t realise you could outwit an invisible virus in terms of speed Confused

Father in law is extremely vulnerable and nearly died last year from a serious illness.

It’s exasperating 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2020 08:26

Can we confirm that the elderly are being given ventilation and ICU beds? Because the accounts that I'm hearing are saying that they aren't. They are using the 'co morbidity' scale and very few over 60's pass it.

"Why are the rest of us bothering?"

So we dely infection and we do have enough ventilators for the under 55's.

They aren't taking the elderly into hospital unless they are severely struggling to breath and then they are only making them comfortable, to die.

I think between individual Siblings, it becomes partly upto them. They are delying getting it, but they will still face the same threat in a few months. It's a bit like a cancer patient choosing quality of life over quantity.

Remind yourself that this virus isn't going away. It's not going to be ok for many, ever again. Unless a vaccine is found.

countrygirl99 · 27/03/2020 08:27

An undertaker near us is advertising for additional staff on 3 month contracts. Perhaps you could find an ad like that to show them.

PerkingFaintly · 27/03/2020 08:48

Perhaps some more detailed epidemiological studies would help reinforce the message

I honestly think the only thing some people will respond to is someone they know dying. Or someone they feel they know, like a celebrity.

It's a general truth about human behaviour, not just re COVID-19, that some people need to get burnt, to believe the stove is hot.

The two week gap before symptoms show means they might not get the chance to learn the lesson.

PerkingFaintly · 27/03/2020 08:52

Although it's still encouraged for people to go out for a walk on their own, or with members of their own household.

Doesn't mean someone's breaking the rules just because you see them out.

user1493413286 · 27/03/2020 08:54

Maybe this is harsh but I’m inclined to think that if people are purposefully not following the rules without good reason then they shouldn’t be expecting NHS care if they get the virus

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2020 09:00

The govt has not enforced isolation for 70+ and that's why there's dedicated shopping slots for them.

If you look on the news, all the sunbathers and walkers and joggers in parks and people having barbeques are definitely under 70.

Start condemning them too please.

Piglet89 · 27/03/2020 09:00

My neighbours are probably middle 60s. He has had cancer quite recently and was treated with chemotherapy. They were still out in their front garden after lockdown was announced. They have second homes up north but chose to drive down to London while this crisis rages and now I think they have driven back up north this week.

They do not consider themselves “old”; she in particular. It is pure, old-fashioned vanity and entitlement. They simply cannot accept that they are heading into the twilight of their lives and so cannot behave as they did when they were 30. They are very, very selfish.

KenDodd · 27/03/2020 09:12

I wonder if a register could be set up of people refusing medical intervention or oxygen/ventilation and if they wanted to continue life as normal, they had to sign up to it. That might persuade them to either stay in or just take there chances.

Only half joking btw.

GreyHare · 27/03/2020 09:26

My Dad is ignoring the rules by going up the shop to buy a paper and 'bits' every morning, my Mum is in a higher risk group, they are both in their 70's they even went off shopping together yesterday to the supermarket as she wanted fresh veg for the weekend, I despair of them and currently struggling to talk to them as I'm so angry, but they just don't care. I would report him to the police in the hope they would fine him but don't want to burden them.

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2020 09:28

KenDodd, as long as we applied the same to all anti vaxers, those that drink drive/speed, people who do stupid things like go out on a dingy during storms, people who hang off ladders and fill up A&E every Sunday morning etc etc. Or we could force the government to explain why we wasted six weeks and BJ the week before special measures, was refusing to take a test, still shaking hands and saying it was ok for his Dad to still go to the pub.

There's people going to go on abroad holiday again if allowed, from May onwards. Yet they are isolating and SD here. How is that not bonkers?

saraclara · 27/03/2020 09:41

The only people I've seen not respecting social distancing have been in their teens/early twenties.

The ageism on coronavirus threads is very disturbing.

saraclara · 27/03/2020 09:43

@GreyHare what on earth would you report them to the police for? They're allowed to go to the shops, as are we all.

KenDodd · 27/03/2020 09:47

Spoke to my 90 yo neighbour about this again just now. She was thrilled to be the subject in an internet discussion Grin

Anyway, she said she'd happily refuse medical treatment (she says that now though) if she caught CV. She said she's seen lots of her friends get dementia, or really debilitating housebound illnesses, stuck in care homes. That's the last thing she wants for herself. "Lived a full, active life and died at 90 after a short illness, that's me" she said. I said to her that it sounds like she wants to get it. She replied that of course she doesn't but at her age there are worse things.