A small disclaimer to say I know that there are so much worse things happening in the world just now. I also know there are people losing their jobs who will be in much worse positions than me and my family. I count my blessings. However, this is AIBU and I want to know if AIBU about my situation.
Due to the current global crisis, it looks likely that DH is going to lose his job again, for the second time in 5 years. Of course, it’s through no fault of his own and it wasn’t his fault last time either. He is in a volatile industry where there is a lot of money to be made but the downside is their are downturns like this and things can change so quickly.
He wants to get out and do something else, which I fully support. He wants it to be something recession proof which helps people and I think that’s a great idea - he’s a caring person and enjoys looking after people. I’m not keen on the industry he’s in and I could really do without the uncertainty every couple of years. The difficulty I’m feeling just now is, I know if his job goes he will expect me to go out and work full time in the job I have (currently work 2 days and care for our youngest who is 18mo 3 days a week). I am lucky, in the sense that I can click my fingers and go full time at any time. This is what happened last time and he took 6 months not working. Personally, I found it a horrendous time - I missed my kids, had no work life balance and had to do all the mental work at home. He cooks and is hands on with the kids, but stuff like cleaning, DIY, birthdays etc are all organised and largely done by me. He is good with the cooking and kids because he likes those things. Ultimately though, when we had children it was agreed I would be their main carer. We have 3 - 7,6 and 18 months. We waited to have the 18mo until we could afford to have her and me only work 2 days a week.
Last time, he got a large pay off and we had money in the bank. He could have chosen any career at that point and retrained. I encouraged him to do so. His parents said they would support him financially to do so. He couldn’t think of a single thing he wanted to do. He was almost aggressively obtuse about any suggestions. This time, we’ll be lucky if he gets a months salary. I think his parents might still support him to change career as they are very comfortable financially, but it is by no means a given.
I feel I missed out on precious time with the older two because I went back full time and to be honest, I resent that I had to do that. I really don’t want to repeat the same situation again with DC3. I feel conflicted, because I do think he needs to change jobs and have been encouraging this line of thinking for years. I think he will be happier and things will be more stable. However, I don’t want to miss out on my time with my last baby. I feel I sacrificed enough with the older two and I want to tell him that although I fully support him to make this change, I won’t go out and work more paid hours.
We have very little savings now, but we do have a considerable amount of equity in the house. I would rather access that, which I know will put us in a worse position financially in the long run, than lose more time with my children while they are young. I think he will be appalled by this idea and will deem me unsupportive of his career change. But the way I see it is - the equity is my money too and I’d rather lose that than more time with my children.
So AIBU to say yes, I support your career change but no, I won’t go out and work full time to help fund it?
That was long and rambly, sorry. Well done if you made it to the end.