To not get vouchers for new baby

[littlegardenpeas]

My SIL who is due soon keeps asking for vouchers instead of us buying something in particular for their first dc.

Since this Coronavirus has kicked off it's unlikely I'll get to meet the baby so I really wanted to get something that could be seen in photos etc as that's the only way I'm going to see the baby for the foreseeable future unfortunately.

SIL keeps asking for vouchers. All the big items have been bought by her family but I've been told not to buy clothes as they have too much already, I should get vouchers. I feel really awkward getting vouchers but also disappointed I won't be getting the baby a specific item to remember.

Aibu to not get a voucher? I have no idea how much if I do get one either. I've said send me something to buy instead but she's still saying a vouchers. Maybe I don't have a choice I don't know.

She want vouchers - I would say that her need for vouchers is stronger than your need to see the baby in something you specifically purchased. Why don’t you do £25 voucher and have a think about what you’d like to get the baby for 1st birthday?

Surely a gift for the new baby is more about helping them and being useful to them than you getting a photo of an item you’ve bought next to a baby you haven’t met? Just get vouchers and ask for a picture of the baby with the item they do get?

So you want to get clothes so you can see the baby in them in a picture, rather than the vouchers that your SIL would prefer?

Either buy a voucher or explain that you don't do vouchers and make a gift card telling them that when they do want something specific to the value of £x that you will buy then.

If you are generous enough to do what they want/need rather than what you want, you could ask the parents to let you know what they spend it on and if possible send a photo of them in it.

There is no point buying a gift. They have everything they need and if you go against their wishes they will put the item away and never use it. Or at best, dress the child in it, take a photo and then remove it.

This is like those wedding threads where the B&G ask for contributions to their honeymoon and some do-gooding MN says they’ll make a donation to charity or buy them some tacky photo frame instead.

Just send them vouchers. Seriously.

Jeez, talk about making it all about you.

Instead of buying what she's asked for and would be useful, you want to get a present that would appear in baby photos. If I bought a present for a family member's baby, I certainly wouldn't be trying to spot it in a photo; I'd be too busy looking at the baby.

Just buy the bloody vouchers like you have been asked to.

Your poor DSiL, honestly who would not be somewhat concerned about giving birth at this time.

Maybe stop thinking about yourself, give her what she wants and offer lots of moral support.

I'd do 95%gift voucher and 5% small gift - a book? Can't have too many of those

Oh for goodness sake, just get vouchers! No need to be different, I'm sure she is stressed out enough at the moment.

Why not get vouchers and a small keepsake gift? For my DS I liked the “born in 2020” keepsakes that Next do.

You could always buy the baby something to grow into, school shirts maybe?

I hate waste- I asked for vouchers towards my pram and car seat in the end. The in laws brought stuff we didn't need- a waste. It frustrates me that their need to waste their money on stuff we don't need annoys me! Yet they wouldn't contribute to what we did need. My mother didn't buy a thing as we were given so much but she always buys him what he needs such as a swimming costume, a highchair... much more use.

I do have a friend who's doing a book club for my LB, she sends a book a month, with a letter and photo (usually stolen from us as they live 1.5hrs away). I love this, we have the memories and letters to look back on for years, we get a new story each month to read to our LB, we send her a photo of us reading to him. Maybe something like this that goes on throughout the baby's childhood?

Vouchers, like she's asked for. And then send a book, too 😊

I agree £50-100 spend is reasonable I think if it is a close relatives baby. I would get mainly vouchers and then a small book or teddy. Don't overthink it as she has been quite clear about what she wants.

£50-£100 is not the norm for a SIL’s baby. £20 more than enough. Let’s stop ratcheting up the cost of gifts.

I don’t understand what you’re talking about - you want to get something specific you can see in a photo because it’s the only way you’ll see the baby? You’ll still see a photo of the baby if you send a voucher. Agree with others - a gift is to be enjoyed by the person receiving it. Don’t make it about you at any time and especially to a pregnant woman giving birth in an extraordinary and scary time. She’ll get loads of stuff and won’t want it to go to waste or have to find somewhere to put it.

Woahhh poor OP!! How about a voucher and a cute hooded towel or dressing gown? I can understand where you're coming from!

Some new parents are inundated with baby clothes for the first few months so that's prob why your SIL wants vouchers instead so they can get something that's useful at a time they need it.

Get her vouchers.

Give her what she's asked for.

Who is a gift for? The giver or the recipient?

I want to give someone a present, do I a) get them what I know they want and what they say will be of use to them or do I b) get something I know they don't want because I think that's better than giving them what they said they wanted

I wouldn't send vouchers with so many stores on the brink

Just send cash- bank transfer.

Thanks IBU and that's why I asked! And no I don't just want to get clothes but I wanted to get something.

Get them what they want. Babies get so much unnecessary stuff and it's such a waste. Don't add to that.

I would be tempted to give cash rather than vouchers though tbh due to the current uncertainties.

@crazycatlady7 what a lovely idea doing a book club!

@crazycatlady7 I'd happily buy any of the things your mother did but a voucher it will have to be.
Good points about just cash though instead as they did say for a small baby store so in these times maybe it's best to I send cash.