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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ainu to ask if mumsnet ever told you off? Did you agree?

82 replies

cultkid · 25/03/2020 14:48

I got told I was aggressive in an email before and I just so whole heartedly disagree
I wrote a response and then didn't send it because I didn't want to get in trouble
I love mumsnet and I have been busier the last month with my eldest off nursery but I would be so sad to be banned or asked to leave
I got the email maybe 2 months ago and it affected me more then I think

OP posts:
Original poster
cultkid · 25/03/2020 15:16

I don't know why i am still upset
I appreciate the support. Thank you all xx

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 25/03/2020 15:21

Reddit is awesome!! Join casual UK, aww, and wholesome to start. So many Well informed intelligent people on there. Just keep away from Trump supporters and all good.

SlipSlidin · 25/03/2020 15:22

The moderation is really arbitrary. I’ve seen absolutely disgusting threads standing despite numerous reports whilst other fairly benign stuff gets zapped with condescending finger wagging from mnhq. It’s total bollocks and not worth worrying about.

AlexaCrowe · 25/03/2020 15:24

@FuckOffCorona @WelcomeToTheAssEatery I love reddit but I’ve only recently started using it, any recommendations for subreddits to join?

YgritteSnow · 25/03/2020 15:49

Yes a few times under various name changes. I hold my hands up to one or two but there's a few posters on here who are really unpleasant but know just where to stop, and I had a run in with one of them. My posts were deleted and I got a warning but she had been far worse just cleverer about it. She's still around being snarky but I don't acknowledge anything she posts now.

Zisforstripyoss · 25/03/2020 16:14

I got a post deleted under an old username many moons ago and I don't even know why. I never got an email! It wasn't offensive or anything. I'm still puzzled.

ArthurDentsSpaceTowel · 25/03/2020 16:23

Oh, I've had some differences. This place is like year 9 secondary school sometimes, with nobody in control till the rioting starts. I never come here expecting support and wouldn't dare spill my deepest darkest emotions or anything more personal than the name of my first pet. Ignore ignore ignore.

Ponoka7 · 25/03/2020 16:28

"The moderation is really arbitrary. I’ve seen absolutely disgusting threads standing despite numerous reports whilst other fairly benign stuff gets zapped with condescending finger wagging from mnhq. It’s total bollocks and not worth worrying about."

That ^^

Then there's the people that you absolutely can't say anything negative about and then there's people (and ethnic groups) that are fair game and it's, no holds barred.

FuckOffCorona · 25/03/2020 16:29

My fave subreddits are:

CasualUK

Aww

NoSleep (only if you like spooky stories)

AmITheAsshole (AIBU but more fun)

MomForAMinute (people who can’t ask their own mums for support and advice for whatever reason can ask other redditors to be their mother for a minute)

Books

Bookporn (lovely bookshelves - not pornographic novels. Tho that sub probably exists if that’s your bag)

Boxoffice (if you’re interested in film)

Happycryingdads (adorable)

Literature

ScottishPeopleTwitter

Sprinklez · 25/03/2020 16:30

I once disagreed with a poster on a point about tweens (they thought I was being over cautious, I thought they were being under cautious.

Anyway. In this thread, after some debate on the topic between us, that poster then snidely commented on my grammar, then made a rather offensive comment questioning my nationality due to this grammatical error. This had nothing to do with either the debate or the thread. I said I would report that particular comment.

MN wrote to me and said in a headmistress kind of manner that I seemed to have been just as feisty myself (or words to that effect) in the debate, so they were letting her comment stand but would be removing mine saying I would be reporting her comment. I was pretty annoyed about that especially as it was the sort of poster who likes to stir things up. Given any AIBU for example, if there were 100 YANBU responses this poster would delight in always be the one saying YABU (and a whole lot more).

And yes, that posted came back on the thread to gloat that her comment had stood etc.

Frankiecandle · 25/03/2020 16:36

CasualUK is a great subreddit. Funny and very friendly.

The cat subreddits are also good for when you need cheering up.

Herpesfreesince03 · 25/03/2020 16:40

I’ve been blocked twice. Once for stating that the gypsies in the camp local to me don’t pay council tax. Another was on a thread about women falsely accusing men of rape because I used the term ‘cry tape’

Herpesfreesince03 · 25/03/2020 16:40

Rape!

AlexaCrowe · 25/03/2020 16:42

Thank you for the reddit suggestions, I already follow some of those but I’m going to check out the rest.

ScribblyGum · 25/03/2020 16:43

I’ve been a regular poster on here for about 15 years and have never been told off. Not even once.
I think I should get a nice badge or something for that.

LochJessMonster · 25/03/2020 16:57

I got banned for a rude comment, and apparently I had had several warnings. When I queried it because I hadn’t had any warnings, they said they had made a mistake.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/03/2020 17:06

I've been told off a few times - and deserved it too. It smarts at the time and my immediate thought is, "No, I wasn't!", then it's "I don't care!" and then, when I think about it some more, I realise that actually, "Yes I did and I do actually care".

I like the MNHQ crew, they're really nice, even to miscreants.

I give myself little holidays from here quite often. I'm due another one as I just can't stand some of the posters piling on to rip others apart for asking questions about this virus. Why ffs? Answer? Don't answer? Nobody gives a rats, but if you name-call then you're a bit of a twat yourself.

I'm snorting at the worthiness race that's currently happening on a few threads... 'My child's a DOCTOR' as if that elevates the poster somehow.

This board is an amazing resource sometimes and it can be incredibly supportive but, sadly, events like CV give those with the inclination, free reign to be vile.

dejavuAgain · 25/03/2020 17:15

Reddit is a far nicer community than mumsnet. There are obviously some subreddits where people are cunts, but they’re easy to avoid. For the most part it is a hundred times more supportive, tolerant and good-natured than mumsnet (where people pile on for the smallest thing, and sneering and condescension is rife)

This x100!

My other favourite forum has a 'mental things on MN of the day' thread. It's very long and, bugger, we don't look good!

PennyNotSoWise · 25/03/2020 17:33

Anyway. In this thread, after some debate on the topic between us, that poster then snidely commented on my grammar, then made a rather offensive comment questioning my nationality due to this grammatical error. This had nothing to do with either the debate or the thread. I said I would report that particular comment.

This place is rife with casual racism, it's shocking. Call someone, or even try to hint lightly to warn other posters that an OP may be a troll and you get zapped almost immediately after hitting 'Post Message'. Yet I've seen plenty of racist shit allowed to stand.

I remember a thread where a whole lot of posters were minimising a black OP's experience of racism. Literally falling over themselves to justify a racist encounter, it was sickening.

JellyfishandShells · 25/03/2020 17:47

I used to be a moderator on a busy, but now defunct forum. People were generally lovely but we did have to pull posts when things got overheated or were insisting on a their point, because it changed the tone of the thread for everyone. Some people apologised but others were hurt or angry and sent furious messages to us. Our chief mod said you could not consider yourself a true moderator until you had been compared to Hitler ( a daily occurrence ).

We had guidelines about use of language, including racism and sexism, and polite consideration in our joining rules that people supposedly agreed to. It was sometimes a difficult line to tread in not being too interfering about a healthy, good natured debate , and stopping it before it leant towards the personal and offensive - and sometimes that happened very quickly. With experience came a clearer sense of judgement.

Some would keep on arguing the toss with us by DM, even when the thread had long moved on and blather on about ‘reporting us’ . Not sure who to, we were the ones with the delete and block tools :/

Hingeandbracket · 25/03/2020 18:35

I got told to change my username ages ago - I didn't really mind. It wasn't sweary or anything but MN told me to change it so I did.

Hingeandbracket · 25/03/2020 18:37

Oh, and I had a thread deleted once for being "not in the spirit of MN" but I was actually quite pleased about that - not because I agreed but just because of the pile-on that happened and the way subsequent events played out.

Xyzzzzz · 25/03/2020 18:49

Reddit is way better and so many sub Reddits. I find it much more supportive than MN, especially the parenting sites.

ChicChicChicChiclana · 25/03/2020 18:54

I've never agreed with any of my deletions, thread deletions, warnings or my banning from Mumsnet. I think they are over-zealous.

ChicChicChicChiclana · 25/03/2020 18:56

WelcomeToTheAssEatery - that's a charming username.

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