AIBU - To be feeling let down

[Mogs43]

My father has just been diagnosed with Coronavirus. He was already in hospital very unwell with under lying issues and is now in isolation. My mother (his ex wife) was staying with me at the time and visiting hospital with us. She is very anxious (aren't we all?) and has just left - I assume to go back home She hasn't left any message and isn't answering her phone. I am feeling very let down. I need help and am feeling very alone. I also think she should be self isolating . Unfortunately this isn't the first time she has let me down - I do appreciate she is scared and anxious but I think this is the final straw. At a time like this I had hoped we would support each other - but obviously not. AIBU?

let down because she hasn't left a message or answered her phone??

Maybe she just went for a walk to get some headspace?

Back home to your house or her own? Is it far if it is hers? Am assuming they had a good relationship despite the split?

I think she has left- most likely caught a train. I last heard from her at 5pm and her suitcase has gone. There are no cafes open and she has no friends nearby. I was allowed to visit my father for half an hour at 5.30 - when I came home she had gone,

They had a good relationship. She lives 200 miles away

Were you calling her to have mutual support or for her to support you? Do you have a partner or siblings? Agree with pp 'let down' is quite intense, maybe she's struggling too and is trying to clear her head?

If it's public transport she maybe on a long and weary route home, they have pulled a huge number of buses/trains.

How odd. YABU. Sorry your father is not well.

It is unreasonable for a loved one to literally walk off without saying they are leaving and just be gone when we get home, no text, note, nothing.

More importantly OP, can you get support from anyone else?

I do hope your dad is doing alright.

Thanks - sounds like I am being unreasonable. Appreciate the perspective. I dont have a partner or siblings - its just me. The rest of our family are 200 plus miles away. She came down for work and then my Dad was ill so stayed. Last night we were told he had coronavirus. Today she said she couldn't cope - I haven't heard from her since 5. I assume she has just got the train home and isn't answering. I suppose after visiting the hospital and seeing him in such a state I just feel very alone and scared now. Have to get a grip. Sorry to have bothered you and thanks for taking the time to reply.

You are not unreasonable at all, Mogs. This is bizarre and concerning behaviour on your mum's part. I would phone the police in her local area and ask them to do a welfare check on her. Is she normally self-absorbed to this degree?

I'm so sorry Mogs and dont be silly, you are bothering nobody.
That's why most of us are here, to listen and support!!
I do hope your dad will be OK.

Please stay here and talk to the lovely people of mumsnet if you are feeling scared and alone

She could be feeling totally overwhelmed.
Try a little patience and kindness.
These are very difficult times for everyone.

She can be a bit self absorbed but would normally tell me she was leaving. She has been staying with me for 10 days so to simply pack and go whilst I am at the hospital is odd. However these are odd times and she was feeling very anxious (my Dad is in a very bad way and.everything feels very intense) . I will keep trying to call her.

Try a little patience and kindness
^
That cuts both ways.

YANBU you are both going through a very difficult and emotionally stressful time. Your mum choosing to leave without saying goodbye or even leaving a note is upsetting. In your position I would also feel sad and hurt. It’s adding more worry to an already stressful situation. A very unmumsnet hug for you OP.

Yes it seems her anxiety may have just caused her to bolt.
In times like these and especially with whats going on with your dad, we can't expect thinking to be very rational. So perhaps dont be too hard on her if/when you get through to her.

I understand you must feel so alone right now op and very worried.

Hoping and praying your dad will pull through.

Probably the last thing you're thinking of - but please try to eat and sleep as much as possible, it must be terribly exhausting for you holding it all together

I’d be worried about her tbh. Not angry at her.

Who leaves without telling anyone?

Could she have contacted a relative? Did anything happen apart from you both obviously being upset about your dad being ill (sorry to hear that)?

Could she have left to isolate herself because she’s scared you or she has it and doesn’t want anyone else to get it? Is she having a breakdown?

A worrying time.

Mogs
Sorry you are dealing with all this by yourself. I hope your dad will be ok.

Oh Mog's don't be apologizing, everyone is on edge, catastrophising and generally not doing good at the moment sadly. I hope you catch up with her soon!

Shouldn't she be in isolation if she's been in contact with your dad? Instead of on public transport?

Thank you for all your kind responses. She has finally picked up the phone to say she has gone home and intends to self isolate there. She sounded strong and happier. I'm sorry for raising this - its just hard dealing with everything alone and was quite a shock to get home to an empty house after the hospital. I know everyone is in the same boat and we are all finding it hard. sorry. do take care.

Again don't apologize, I usually am v stoic and manage well, however this has thrown us all.