AIBU - To be feeling let down

[Mogs43]

My father has just been diagnosed with Coronavirus. He was already in hospital very unwell with under lying issues and is now in isolation. My mother (his ex wife) was staying with me at the time and visiting hospital with us. She is very anxious (aren't we all?) and has just left - I assume to go back home She hasn't left any message and isn't answering her phone. I am feeling very let down. I need help and am feeling very alone. I also think she should be self isolating . Unfortunately this isn't the first time she has let me down - I do appreciate she is scared and anxious but I think this is the final straw. At a time like this I had hoped we would support each other - but obviously not. AIBU?

Here for you to OP. Stay strong.

I don't think feeling 'let down' is the appropriate response but you're within your rights to feel how you feel.
I think that I'd be very confused and upset that she just upped and left without saying anything, she's obviously overwhelmed but it's very odd to just pack, up and leave unless you have known her to be impulsive or avoidant in the past.
At least you know she intended to leave as has packed and hopefully she will be home safe.
Honestly, with the situation with your dad and all the fear we're having drummed into us, she could be quite vulnerable now.
I'd call the police and ask them to visit her home address if you can't make contact with her.
Don't worry about wasting their time, this is their job despite bei g overworked and understaffed, a possibly distressed, possibly missing older woman is cause for concern. She could be vulnerable or she could have just gone home and flaked out. Err on the side of caution.

Sorry have re-read and realised she's just left and has a 200 mile drive. Police do a shout out to the traffic cops with car details

Glad she is safe at least.

All the best OP.

Thank you. Am feeling very alone and frightened today , just cant stop crying. I've been told that as the hospital is on lock down I can't visit my father now. I've been to see him every day after work for the past six years so this will be our first day apart (he's terminally ill - they gave him three months live at the start of the year). Unfortunately his hearing aids were lost whilst he was on another ward so he doesn't have a clue what is happening (he's also blind). I have ordered some replacements but with everything that is going on I think it will take ages for them to come. Its all so upsetting but I know I need to get a grip. Thank you for your kindness.

I'm so sorry to read your update OP the situation is truly awful for you and your father.

Please do ring the Samaritans or Saneline for someone to talk to in real life if you need support.

Thank you. I do appreciate all the help and advice the I have received.

Unfortunately since my mother returned home she hasnt been in touch once (not a text or call) to see how my father or I am (I am diabetic and have been looking after my disabled father for a long time). As my calls were unanswered I became increasingly concerned so my Uncle (fathers brother ) went round to do a welfare check earlier today. She was fine.

I know I am being very emotional but I do feel let down. Im very alone and scared. That she doesn't even care enough to see what is going on really hurts. I've wondered for many years whether she actually cares for me (she hasnt got any other family members) but think its now clear she doesn't. If Im being sensibleI know I should just try o forget about her and concentrate on my father. This is very painful. I'm not sure if I am overreacting as I feel very alone (would you expect a text or call in similar circumstances?).

I have no advice. I am sorry your father is critically ill.

Yanbu. I'm so sorry about your father and that your mother has let you down when you needed her most. She's effectively ghosted you. So cruel.

I'm sorry you're Going through this alone, but it sounds to me like this is your mums way of coping. She's just as entitled as you to react in a way that she can cope with. Not everyone wants other people around or contact when highly stressed. It sounds like you are much closer to your dad than your mum? Does she think you don't need her?

Thanks. I am closer. to my father than my mother. Although she brought me up we have never had an easy relationship and I left home as soon as I could. Lots of very difficult things happened when I was a child (ages 3-9) which she has apologised for but which have caused a lot of damage and trust issues. I have never disclosed them to anyone else (except a therapist) and wouldn't do so out of respect.
I appreciate that we all manage stress differently but I am not coping either. I dont particularly want to have to deal with what is going on either , would love to run away and hide, but unfortunately I dont have a choice. The hospital phone me and I have to respond, She knows I need her , I have been explicit about this (not least because I just cant do some of the things being asked of me and she could help). Since I left homes a teenager Ive never asked for or received help from her in any form. She has spent years saying how much she loves me and is there. for me , would do anything to help and now I need it she couldn't be further away. Not even a text in over 5 days. She knows how ill my father is and how I'm in a vulnerable group but nothing.I was concerned about her wellbeing this morning and earlier this week but now realise I was mistaken to be.