Funeral

[AliceBanned]

My best friend has died and her funeral is later this week. The lockdown situation seems to be allowing funerals to go ahead but still some confusion over whether for immediate family only. Also, it means a round trip of approx 400 miles by public transport (mainly train) as I can't drive. This is doable in a day and obviously staying overnight is out of the question now anyway.

DH is furious that I am even considering going and calling me selfish, stupid and ridiculous.

She was my closest and oldest friend, I have known her since we were in nursery together and we were like sisters. I am so devastated that she has gone and I can't fathom not being able to go to her funeral. I am adamant that I will try to get there but this is causing a bitter argument with DH and I am starting to doubt my judgement as everything seems so surreal right now.

It may be that the rules dictate that I am not allowed to attend as restricted to immediate family only or the journey not considered essential but am I being unreasonable to actually consider going? Would it be selfish and stupid? Like I say, I am struggling to process the situation and the death and maybe my DH is right.

It's limited to 5 immediate family members I believe. Don't go.

It's devastating but you simply cannot go. I'm so sorry for your loss, but stay in your own home.

I’m so sorry xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I think you should stay at home.

Would it be possible to have some sort of memorial via zoom?
You could swap stories and remember your lovely friend that way?

Can they video link the service or can you have one of your own at home? Talk about her, look at photos, raise a toast x

It's so sad and awful and I really feel for you but I do think YABU to even consider going. It's the 400 miles by public transport, you just can't go. Could the family Skype or FaceTime you maybe? I'm so sorry

I am sorry for your loss, but it's only immediate family now.

Can you do something to honour her at home?

Perhaps her family will arrange a memorial service later so that you can all go to that but no, you really can't go to the funeral.

It's so hard but dont go. She would not want you to put yourself or family at risk.

No, you cannot attend in person. Many places that have the technology place are streaming services online, you can ask the family/ funeral director.
Sorry for your loss

She was a good friend so she would understand and she would want you to be safe.

Memorialise her in your own way. At home

We had a family funeral yesterday. They had imposed restrictions yesterday morning but we were not informed until we arrived. Only a limited number inside the crematorium and sitting apart and one pew apart. Lots of people stood outside and it was relayed on loudspeakers. No wake afterwards obviously.
400 miles is a hell of a long way to go to stand outside for a 20 minute service. Stay home. Be kind to yourself. It may be you can watch on webcam from the crematorium?

Stay safe at home and remember your friend and raise a glass to her and do something to remember her. Dont risk your life, others lives etc and the logistics sound so stressful to you. Be kind to yourself I'm sure that your friend would want that

Don't go . Light a candle at the time of the funeral and have a quiet time looking at photos of your shared life together but stay in your home.

My aunt died 10 days ago. None of us could attend so I feel your pain.

I’m so sorry, but funerals are limited to immediate family only and you won’t be able to go. You would be putting yourself and others at risk too, with that much travelling. And it’s not an essential journey, though I appreciate it feels that way to you.

I second the streaming possibility, or a private or delayed memorial.

My condolences. It must be devastating.

Yabu as hard as it is shit just got real. The risk is here especially on public transport. Would your friend have wanted you to put yourself at risk?

We have a close family funeral this week and have been told today that the crematorium will only accept immediate family. We are going to be watching via a webcam which may be a possibility.

I've nothing to add but only that I'm sorry x

Stay at home and think of her, she would want you to be safe and you won't be travelling that distance by public transport.

Have you discussed this with her family? It’s very possible if only 5 family members are allowed that you won’t be welcome at all if you try to turn up.

I really feel your pain, my mum died 4 weeks ago and her funeral is Thursday at the moment they are only allowing 6 people to attend. That's me, brother, my husband and our children. I am hoping that when this is all over that we will be able to have a memorial mass so that everyone can come and share memories of mum. I am asking people to light a candle and say a little prayer at the time of her funeral.

Keep safe, and look after your loved ones...…

@Lottieloves I'm sorry, that's awful.

Don’t go OP. Stay safe!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your DH is quite right though. You should stay at home. You will not only be exposing yourself to harm but also exposing the rest of your household. Some people will be carriers of this virus and asymptomatic. How would you feel if your DH became severely ill or died as a result of attending your friend's funeral?

I'm so so sorry for your loss OP. You must be devastated to have lost your best friend. I echo the others and say don't go. You are not disrespecting her to not be there in person. Find other ways to remember your dear friend and maybe consider some sort of memorial once we're able to socialise again. I'm sure your friend would not want you to put yourself, your family or other people at risk of Coronavirus. These are difficult times and we have to put the health of the living above attending funerals of those who have sadly passed.

I'm so sorry OP. My best friend died 11 years ago this week, she was my cousin so we'd known each other from birth. So I fully understand your overwhelming pain.

I'm so sorry you can't go to the funeral. Over the days, weeks, months and years ahead there will be literally millions of ways to remember her, because she's such a huge part of who you are. 11 years on and that hasn't changed for me. Maybe try and think of something you can do at home at the same time as the funeral.