Will this psychologically affect children who lived through it?

[NameChangedForThisOne7]

As the PM was speaking last night, my two children kept looking over at us and my heart was breaking for them that they are living through this. As a child, it must be so frightening and hard to understand. Do you think that living through this will somehow affect children? What are you doing to help you kids through this emotionally and ensure that they don't become overwhelmed or frightened?
Do you think that there will be long term implications? (Will they always want to have a fully stocked panty as adults 'just in case' etc? - lighthearted but just one example I could think of). Will it make them germ phobic?

What are your thoughts?

Psychodynamically trained therapist here. Everything single thing every child (and adult) ever experiences will effect them psychologically. That’s a given, so yes this will effect our children.

It doesn’t mean it will have a negative impact. If the primary careers are anxious or angry or overly fearful about CV then that will probably have a negative impact but being cared for by people predisposed to these traits will impact them negatively with or without the corona virus.

Some children might look back on this and remember it as a halcyon time when the sun shone and they stayed home and played with their parents and siblings. Some might be free from playground bullying or unwelcome peer pressure or academic demands they can’t meet for the first time and thrive on it.

As someone up thread said, children will take their cues from those around them. If the parents shield the children from the worst possible scenarios but deal with the day to day changes in a positive way the children will not be harmed by this. They will be changed because the world around them changed, but that needn’t be a bad thing.

The film Life is Beautiful Shows how a father helped his son find joy in a situation far worse than this.

I think all the complaining about having to be home with the kids could have a negative affect. I'm no bloody saint but I've made it clear to my daughter that there's no one I'd rather be quarantined with and that I'm excited about spending so much time together. In truth there are obviously aspects I'm dreading but I don't like to hear people saying that in front of the kids

Depends how old. Teenagers probably will be affected.
Younger kids might well have the best few months of their lives. My nearly 4 year old is perfectly happy and the nearly 1 year old obviously completely oblivious. The nearly 4 year old understands why we can’t leave but he’s content to just play and be with us all day. I’ve spoken to friends all with kids 7 and under who are similarly unbothered and just playing in the garden and house for hours.

I think it entirely depends on the adults in their lives.
^
This in a nutshell.
Be a role model for your children.

Something I thought about is also the impact on the developing immunity of babies and toddlers. Normally they would be in contact with lots of germs from family, friends and environment which is considered necessary to build up their immune system. They are now living in a bubble.

I really don't think 3 weeks will do harm.

This is though exactly the lamenting which will. People need to stop acting like this is for ever. It's just for the tiniest fraction of our life. It's no longer than summer school holidays.

Hmm. I'm sure it will some, our 8 & 10 year old think this is fantastic getting all this time off school etc... but we've tried hard to shield them from the scarier side of it. They know to wash their hands, that they have to stay in, why they can't go to school, but they don't watch the news, see things about death tolls etc...

They seem to be handling it very well so far.

Just to add, as long as they don't suffer too much physical hardship -- and obviously that's a big if - I think there's an opportunity for children to develop psychological resilience. They will learn that they have to sacrifice some luxuries. They will have to become more self-motivated and they will learn the value of families.

I realise this comes at a potential cost but I think if handled well there's an opportunity for it to be a positive experience over the long term.

Yes but that needn't be in a negative way. I've said to be 12 year old nephew that this is history in the making and will he talked about 100 years in the future like flu pandemics of old. Yes, it's difficult but it's a significant world event that we have the privilege of living through. Everything has positives and negatives.

It depends on the adults. Sadly, if some of the posters on here are the same in RL, I do believe there will be a huge mental health crisis just a bit further down the line.

I absolutely believe it is how the adults in their lives deal with it and the mindset they give to their kids which will effect how the DC deal with it both now and long term.

Yes. As could probably be demonstrated through a study of those who have already lived it: those who always, or at times in their childhood, experienced isolation and health anxiety because they or close family members suffered from immune disorders or had to be immunosuppressed. I was one, and yes it had permanent psychological effects. Better to have psychological effects than to be dead, of course.

@carriebreadshaw yes agree, I just keep saying to my oldest “oh aren’t we so lucky! We are all together everyday... we have a garden to play in...” etc and he’s just so happy with that. Obviously this wouldn’t work on a 14 year old but for youngers they’re getting all they ever actually wanted which is their parents all day. He’s not hearing a single negative thing about this situation from me.

We’re symptomatic and self isolating and our delivery slot has been cancelled so going into quite some effort to get hold of food but it’s not the end of the world and actually I’m not down about it. I’m worried long term about our financial situation but at this very point in time I’m not worried as there’s nothing to be done and we just need to get through this before we can plan. At the moment it’s just day by day.

Absolutely agree about the adults setting the tone. So important.

Mine are fine so far, they're 9, 8 and 2. They know the basics, and love being at home regardless. We used to home educate so we're all fairly well used to being together all the time etc.

Mine are7 and 5. They have quite good psychological resilience anyway from living in a military family, we move every couple of years, have lived places where it has not been possible to see friends or family for a couple of years etc except by video call. They are loving being home, having more freedom with their school work and time with us. They know about the virus, about the restrictions in place and what it means for us. I have told them I'll be honest with them and they can ask anything they want. My main aim is that at the end of each day they are physically tired, they've eaten well and drink plenty of water. Learning is happening throughout but without stress. We as adults must model the mental resilience needed to cope with this, our children are tougher than we think.

Maybe, though I think it will be short lived enough (months rather than years) and the majority will just be inconvenienced and not have someone they know die or even get it. Most kids live in the here and now so shut schools and not seeing friends the issue, not the greater stress. Obviously I am generalizing, some will be very affected and it will be on another level for those people.
I believe it will become a 'collective memory', along the lines of (for me) blizzard of '76 or storm of '86, both of which alot less fatal but what absolute chaos at the time (we were under state of emergency conditions in 76 - this was Massachusetts- with no cars allowed on the streets and no shops were open at all. They had to change the laws in the end so some shops could open on Sunday - those were the days! - We couldn't physically get out our front door for days). That only lasted a few weeks though and only a small defined area. The Twin Towers tragedy was felt worldwide though.
I think the economic repercussions are unknown, but what I get out of this is how panicked people can get, and conversely how cavalier.
Our power and services have not been shut off - that would be devastating indeed.

My children are young enough (3-14) to be loving the novelty of schooling from home and activities.

I think that in the future it might have a very positive effect.

There is a proportion of teens and tweens who are so used to on-demand services and having everything at their fingertips, and their needs being paramount to everyone around them that being put in a position where that isn’t the case and they see that they must confirm to rules and standards and their needs come second to the needs of the collective will be an important lesson; and I think it will foster a level of resilience that we don’t see in the current cohort of young adults.

I think that the same may be true of young adults too.

@Whoareyoudududu
I do think we need a little perspective. Of course life has altered quite drastically and suddenly so that is naturally anxiety inducing and frightening. However, children aren’t being evacuated and in turn separated from their parents. Father’s aren’t being sent to war to probably never return, cities aren’t being blown up. The only thing we are being asked to do is stay at home and most of us have internet access so this just means a few weeks of sitting around watching Netflix and browsing the web. It’s not so catastrophic, it could be a billion times worse.

^^This. Get a grip people and model sensible behaviour to your children.

The only caveat I would have is children with existing MH problems and SN who obviously need more support (and shielding, depending on their age) and the ones living in dysfunctional/abusive situations. They're the ones we should worry about as they can't roam the streets to escape.

It will depend a lot on circumstances.

DS2 is currently on a break, standing on the slide and chatting at a safe distance over the fence to his classmate neighbour.
DS1 is more isolated from his friends. He has HFA and is naturally more reclusive so that's not a problem in itself, but he will find it much harder to adjust back to normal routines. Without the neighbour DS2 would struggle more. Long term DS1 is more fragile.

We are very fortunate. We have a house where we can get some personal space. A pleasant garden. DH is a key worker involved in food chain based in a makeshift office upstairs. We have what we need to ride this out for a few months. We are not imminently worried about elderly relatives who are taking sensible precautions and appropriate support from other family.

Families living in fear of financial survival, serious health concerns, dealing with the immediate consequences of the virus, over crowded spaces and poor access to open space will have a much, much tougher time

Totally agree its down to the adults around them. My children are fairly relaxed about the whole thing because that is what I am modelling for them (I am a bit worried about he whole thing but the important thing is NOT to let on about that). I reassure them that we are stocked up with food and that this will all pass in time and everything will go back to normal eventually.

I really don’t think that letting your children watch the updates from Boris is a good idea at all (although you do not say how hold they are). Of course they are going to be worried.

My family's been through something that while very different had a similarly disruptive impact on our lives, so we've kind of just gone back to doing what we did then. We're also very lucky that we all get on really well together.

I know that it's very important that we give off the appearance of being calm, and in control, to give them confidence. (Faking it 'til we're making it, sometimes!) We also count our blessings - the sun is shining, the water is safe to drink, we have heating and power, our house is safe, we have sufficient food, we're not sick yet, we have each other, a kind, safe, and calm household to live in.

Our previous experience has made our kids that much more able to understand, accept, and roll with the punches this time round. Strength and serenity can grow out of adversity.

Sorry to sound insensitive, but lived through what exactly? Tad melodramatic.

For young people with underlying conditions this is undoubtedly terrifying- literally life or death.

But for most kids, they're just at home, missing school for several months, have access to the internet and aren't likely to be in any danger. Also get there is fear for older relatives, but assuming they're isolating, the risk is low.

I agree that it depends on personal circumstances such as age, temperament, reaction of adult, no garden etc.
I was a teenager in the seventies in the year of the electricity cuts. Each area had a window of 4 hours of electricity being turned off twice a day and it was different time every day to be to everyone.
I remember feeling it was such great fun, getting ready to light the candles my dad unearthed from his shed, but, remember very clearly the constant agitation of my mother who couldn’t cope with even the smallest change in her routine. I can remember over 40 years later her crying that if the electricity went off between 2 and 6 pm how would she make the tea. Those sort of incidents stay in my mind, but dad made it more like fun so I remember that as well.

For those asking how old the kids are , they are 12 and 13. They wanted to watch the PM update so I let them as I want it to be frank and honest. Obviously I would not have let them watched if younger children.
They could have googled it on their phones anyway, so better to have watched it as a family and have any open discussion afterwards?