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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she really can't leave

69 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 06:27

I picked up ds and his gf from uni yesterday. Gf is an international EU student and can't go home as no flights/lockdown etc. They have been together 2 years but we don't know her very well as they met at uni and in holidays she goes back home.

They were both upset yesterday as all their friends had suddenly gone and the enormity of what was happening hit them I think. I had said for the last couple of weeks that she was welcome to be with us.

In the car on the way home she suddenly said that her aunt, who lives in London, would come to our house at the weekend to collect her so she would only be staying with us for a few days. I said that wouldn't be allowed as aunt would be making a 90 minute non-essential journey to our house. She seems to think that this will be ok as she will be going to stay with her only relative in the UK.

I get that the prospect of living with people she doesn't know very well is daunting. Plus she and ds would be forced to sty in hi room for most of the time as DH, DS1. and I will all be wfh and needing the downstairs space during the day. But I really don't think she should go to London.

At the end of the day she and her aunt are both adults and if the aunt turns up I can't stop gf from going but AIBU to think this is contrary to what they should be doing?

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 07:35

@bevelino we aren't complete strangers as she has stayed here before but I know what you mean.

Her mum.has Whatsapped me several.times in the last 24 hours saying how grateful they are that gf is with us. I'm not sure they know about the aunt plan!

OP posts:
mortforya · 24/03/2020 07:36

This poor girl needs help to get home, at her age, I would have been frightened out of my life if I thought I was trapped somewhere with people I didn't know so well, please help this girl to get to her aunt

AlwaysCheddar · 24/03/2020 07:36

Tell her about the aunt plan so she can help decide.

Citygirl2019 · 24/03/2020 07:37

Sorry probably wasn't clear in first post that someone has called 101 and shared advice/guidance given.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 24/03/2020 07:38

Taking a taxi is a bad idea as it would potentially expose the driver, and then anyone who the driver lives with, if girlfriend has been exposed, or if she hasn't but the driver has now she's being exposed. Having auntie come get her would be safer if they're then planning on living together for the duration as obviously they'd then be exposed to each other anyway. In terms of whether it's allowed, is there not some org or govt dept people can contact to ask these questions?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/03/2020 07:40

some people seem was meant to be the beginning of my post, terrible autocorrect!

I rather liked Porod Sen - I envisaged her as a kind but slightly anxious Cornish lady who had seen an influx of plague avoiders infest her tiny village with their entitled London ways, and was trying to protect other communities from similar encroachments.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 07:43

I do get everyone's point. To clarify, I dont think gf is petrified (I hope not) she is remarkably resilient, has lived in several countries and went to boarding school in a different country to the one her parents lived at at the time (they live in their 'home' country now but gf has never lived in that country).

But I do appreciate that she prefers being with aunt than with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 07:44

@SchadenfreudePersonified GrinGrin

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 24/03/2020 07:46

she could potentially expose the driver
There is no indication the girlfriend is symptomatic or been close to someone who is symptomatic.

Dashel · 24/03/2020 07:46

Sounds non essential to me, sorry but I think too many people are still thinking they are the exception and have essential circumstances.

Need to lockdown people

AmelieTaylor · 24/03/2020 07:47

The Aunt is happy to come & get her - why are people suggesting taxis, public transport & the op drive her? Madness.

There’s more risk spreading with her going. She’s already been with your family and is now risking either taking it there or getting it from them, but as long as she goes there and stays there the risk isn’t huge.

Both your DS & her need to understand though, that once she goes that’s it . There’s no back & forth.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 07:49

Sounds non essential to me, sorry but I think too many people are still thinking they are the exception and have essential circumstances.

That was my initial reaction as well. I'm starting to rethink it though

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 24/03/2020 07:53

There is no indication the girlfriend is symptomatic or been close to someone who is symptomatic

The default assumption is that either she or the taxi driver is in the 5 day asymptomatic infectious incubation period. That’s why we’re social distancing.

theswordthatdangles · 24/03/2020 07:53

I think the GF is worried about imposing on you and thinks at least if she is with family, she will be less of a burden.

I wouldn't advise her to leave but realistically I don't think you can stop her, and if her Aunt is stopped all she would have to say is she is collecting a relative from University and would likely be allowed on her way again.

With regards to the aunt having asthma, provided they practice social distancing in the car - ie furthest seat from the driver and then the GF self-isolates for 7 days when she arrives at her aunts, the risk of transmission would be low.

Whilst I would be doing all I could to encourage her to stay with you, accept that she is an adult, as is her aunt and that whilst not advisable, they are making a plan which suits them more than it suits you.

Bookoffacts · 24/03/2020 07:54

Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you think it is. Or maybe she doesn't like you or want to stay in your house.
If my mother in law tried to imprison me. Good god!
And they're not married so it's not MIL. Just a boyfriends mother. Step back you're being VV unreasonable.

SarahInAccounts · 24/03/2020 07:58

Of course she should go.

cornishdreams1 · 24/03/2020 08:02

If it was me, I would explain the situation to my employers, leave work early and carefully driver her there myself, today.
We are living in uncertain times, and at any point further restrictions may happen. If you get her there safely today, you will have a lot less to worry about. She must be feeling dreadfully vulnerable, and scared. Take her today if you can. Please do not let her use public transport.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 08:03

Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you think it is. Or maybe she doesn't like you or want to stay in your house.
That had occurred to me Grin

Of course I'm.not going to imprison her. She's an adult and can do as she wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/03/2020 08:08

If it was me, I would explain the situation to my employers, leave work early and carefully driver her there myself, today.

I got home at 2.30am having picked them up last night and have had 3 hours sleep. I work for the NHS so am definitely not going to ask to leave early. I really can't face a 3 hour round trip tonight but maybe could do on Thursday night.

I've taken on board peoples views that she would prefer to be with her aunt than with us. My initial reaction was that it was a bad idea but I can see the other PoV

OP posts:
diddl · 24/03/2020 08:16

I think that she should have gone to the Aunt's straight away tbh.

I would have thought if that doesn't happen today then she stays with you?

She can't have some days with you then move on to someone else can she?

Surely that it completely against what is being (or trying to be!!!) enforced?

No movement between households!

ravenmum · 24/03/2020 08:18

My dd was in Ireland and flew back home to Germany a few hours before the lockdown because of not wanting to be with a host family for who knows how long. I can see the gf's point of view.

On the other hand, another point we weighed up was that healthcare is better in Germany (afaik), and the infection figures similar at the time in Ireland and this part of Germany. If I was the girl's aunt I'm not sure I'd be encouraging her to go to London, of all places. Or are you somewhere that has a small number of hospitals and high rate of infections?

SarahMused · 24/03/2020 08:23

If you are going to drive her yourself do it before emergency legislation passes through parliament or you will be risking a fine. That is likely to be Thursday. It would be better for her to go today if she wants to go to her aunts. Trains are running on a reduced timetable and shouldn’t be crowded. She would be travelling to her primary residence where she was intending to stay. When she gets to her aunts they then should self isolate just in case she has been exposed so as not to infect anyone in the new location.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 24/03/2020 08:25

The default assumption is that either she or the taxi driver is in the 5 day asymptomatic infectious incubation period. That’s why we’re social distancing.

That whole "well if you're not currently hacking up a lung you must not be carrying the virus" thing is going to get more people than necessary killed.

lowlandLucky · 24/03/2020 08:25

Soontobe60 Your friends arent the brightest are they ? They should not be allowed to come back to the UK until this is over

nannybeach · 24/03/2020 08:33

Er government says NO NON ESSENTIAL JOURNIES, oh, I would like all my kids all round me at the moment, so I shall just drive out and round them all up. Then we will have Martial Law come into force!!