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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to throw DS(19) out when he has nowhere else to go?

31 replies

haggistramp · 23/03/2020 19:48

This is more a rant than anything else. Fucking Ds is a selfish stupid arse. We are self isolating best we can. Dh is key worker so still having to go to work everyday but literally goes to work then comes home and stays in. Im now working from home. Not going out. Have enough shopping for at least a week. Ds came home on Friday. Despite telling him to stay in went away out partying on Friday night. Was told door would be locked as he wasnt getting in. Cue him banging the door at 3am drunk wanting in. Told him to go back to his friends which he did. Turned up on Saturday begging to be let in as he had nowhere left to go, so we let him back in. Made it strictly clear that we are self isolating and what is expected. Sunday he had a fucking friend round (who was quickly dispatched). Tonight there was a knock at the door, ds gets it, we hear coughing and the door closing. It was his friend dropping something off, but weve not to worry as its just a smokers cough, apparently! Ive had fucking enough. AIBU to throw him out on his arse?

OP posts:

SilverOtter · 23/03/2020 19:50

Yanbu

mbosnz · 23/03/2020 19:50

Do you have a garden shed, a camp cot and a sleeping bag?

Borlotti · 23/03/2020 19:52

You would be very unreasonable to throw him out in the middle of a global pandemic.
There would be nowhere for him to turn to as most services have closed down or are concentrating their efforts on the very vulnerable in our society.
I can understand how upsetting it is for you. I have a 19 year old son and he's complying completely with isolation.
How did he manage to go out partying in the first place? I wouldn't have allowed my son to go and I would have told him how completely irresponsible it is and how disgusting it is that he feels it ok to contribute to the spread of a pandemic.
People could be killed by the choices he's making.

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2020 19:53

YANBU

Original poster

haggistramp · 23/03/2020 19:54

He wouldnt sleep out there, and in any case he'd still wander into the house to use toilet/eat everything in sight/do as he pleases. I wasnt too worried about catching the virus, more passing on to other more vulnerable people. But when i read about younger people (over 30s under 60s) being seriously ill with corona it is a bit more worrying.

OP posts:

Original poster

haggistramp · 23/03/2020 19:57

Hes 19 and 6'2. He walked out the house and went to the pub, then presumably to someones house. Thats how he went to party and I physically cant stop him. Its not a case of "allowing". He had strips torn off him on Saturday when he returned but honestly dont think he gives a fuck. We are all dramatizing for nothing according to him.

OP posts:

Sn0tnose · 23/03/2020 19:59

He wouldnt sleep out there, and in any case he'd still wander into the house to use toilet/eat everything in sight/do as he pleases.

He will if it’s a choice of the shed or a park bench. Door locked and bolted, a food parcel left outside daily, a bucket and a loo roll.

Littlebluebird123 · 23/03/2020 20:48

Don't worry. Boris has given the police power to arrest now so he can stay with you or end up in a cell. Up to him I guess.
YAN really BU but he's of an age to believe he's invincible and not care that isolation is also/mostly to protect others.

TheWordmeister · 23/03/2020 20:59

He's 19, you can't throw him out.

Why has he so little respect for you?

Original poster

haggistramp · 23/03/2020 21:01

Have no idea why he has so little respect for me, everyone really. He wasnt raised that way and his siblings arent like that. Hes just a cocky arrogant selfish shitebag 19 year old.

OP posts:

DamnYouAutoCarrot · 23/03/2020 21:19

He has no choice but to stay in now op... Hopefully he will learn its serious!

RandomComment · 23/03/2020 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AutumnRose1 · 23/03/2020 21:25

Random give over.

OP can you get his keys off him?

FenellaVelour · 23/03/2020 21:29

He's 19, you can't throw him out.

Of course you can. He’s an adult.

krunt · 23/03/2020 21:37

I'm in a similar situation, OP. Currently housing my DSis because she's going through a divorce and has no where else to go (has not worked since she left uni and has £3 to her name). She spent the weekend out partying, and is now apparently at a mate's house partying some more. It's seriously pissing me off.

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/03/2020 21:50

YANBU to be upset at his behaviour. However, I think YABU to make him homeless during a pandemic.

You didn’t say why you were self isolating? The only people self isolating this past Friday and Saturday were those who had symptoms or had been in contact with someone who has come down with symptoms. You mention your DH and yourself working, so you both were not sick? Right?
The pubs were still open Friday and so your DS technically did nothing wrong going out Friday night. He wasn’t self isolating and the guidance at the time only required the whole household to self isolate if a member is actually sick.
Yes I agree he’s not being proactive by restricting himself before the government requires it. He seems determined like most teens to push the boundaries to their utmost. So you have every right to be upset at him not taking things seriously. I just do not think it’s enough to deliberately make him homeless.

SewItGoes · 23/03/2020 21:51

At 19, he has no "right" to stay in your home. He is an adult, just a very immature, selfish, and unreasonable one.

It sounds like he has so little respect for you that it likely wouldn't faze him, but have you told him you're considering kicking him out? If you can make him believe that you're serious, maybe he'll act in his own self-interests.

Namechange4nowt45 · 23/03/2020 21:55

@haggistramp yanbu you need to consider the rest of your family, not just them but imagine if you all caught it and unknowingly gave it to a disabled child, an elderly someone that it can kill. Please op a few weeks out on his ear may save someone

recycledbottle · 23/03/2020 22:04

Can't believe you would even consider throwing your son out during a Pandemic. He will not be looked after by anyone. The police will arrest him if he does it again so call them.

lenaperkins · 23/03/2020 22:18

No real answers @haggistramp but just a bit of solidarity. I realised my 16 year old spent Saturday night out when he walked in at Sunday morning. My 18 year old is just as bad and has been out, smoking weed etc. I am so relieved Boris has put into lockdown. Now at least I can threaten to call the police (I probably wouldn't - don't want to waste their resources etc).But anyone who's smugly saying 'Oh you've got no control etc', when they are 6ft plus, what can you do apart from manacle them? Unless you really are going to follow through and throw them out you are on a hiding to nothing.

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/03/2020 06:22

Landlords can’t legally evict nasty tenants during a pandemic, but it’s ok for a parent to evict an adult son? During a pandemic when no visiting is allowed so he will literally be homeless on the street?
Yes he’s an adult, but your son should have at minimum the same right as a random tenant to not be evicted during a pandemic.

LakieLady · 24/03/2020 06:46

She spent the weekend out partying, and is now apparently at a mate's house partying some more. It's seriously pissing me off.

No non-essential travel now, so she'll have to stay where she is.

It could turn out to be a long "party".

Goatinthegarden · 24/03/2020 07:05

Yes he’s an adult, but your son should have at minimum the same right as a random tenant to not be evicted during a pandemic.

I do agree with that. But If he wants to live there, he has a responsibility to live by the rules his parents (and the Gov) expect him to.

There is a pandemic and he is breaking all of the social distancing rules that the people he lives with are trying to keep. His dad is a key worker and if the son brings home infection and spreads it to dad, he could be taking it out into his job tomorrow.

elshajd · 24/03/2020 07:15

You can't throw him out now.

Beansandcoffee · 24/03/2020 07:21

Put a tent up in your garden if you have one.

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