Checked partner's phone - is this normal?

[Thepurplefactor]

I had recent trust issues with my partner and though he didn't cheat on me I still have a compulsion to go through his mobile as I am still panicky about his previous searches. His history is all deleted but I found some Samsung notes for saved links for pornhub, two of them, one for 'Deutsche teen Hure tribt es mit alte...' and another for 'Mature mom with big tits'

Is this normal for men? Should I ask him about it or carry on monitoring?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is weird behaviour?

YABU to keep monitoring his phone. If you don't trust him then why are you still with him?

“Monitoring” makes it sound like he’s a teenage boy and you’re his mum. If use of prob is a dealbreaker for you that’s fine, but tell him and leave the relationship if he won’t give it up, don’t “monitor” him.

You should be asking him not random strangers op.some will say yes it's find to go through another person's private things.others will say it's a breach of privacy and Yabu for that.
If you don't trust him walk away.
Fwiw I don't think it's nice to do so.

Porn not prob obviously!

It’s up to you as to whether or not you want to tolerate your partner watching porn. They say most men do. Who knows? And that’s not the point. If it makes you uncomfortable then he should really respect that.
But you’ll have to start the conversation with ‘ So I looked through your phone and...’
I think that won’t go down well but it’s the only way to get a dialogue going. You need to talk to him.

If porn is a deal breaker for you then finish it.

If not, I don't think 'mature mom with big tits' is that bad. Could be a lot worse! (I don't understand the German.)

The German link is to do with teens? That would be a deal breaker in my book.

If you don't trust him, you shouldn't be with him.

Saving links like that isn't abnormal.

Apparently the German one, according to google translate means ‘German teen wh*re takes it with old ones’.

No. Constantly checking his phone is not normal

Just break it off fgs🙄

And let me just tell you that monitoring someone's phone is abusive no matter what you have between your legs. So do both of you a favour and break it off

Nearly all men look at porn, it doesn’t make it right but they’re all at it.

Extra points for managing to find controlling behaviour by mentioning porn

Hide. Not find wth

You shouldn't be going through another adult's phone as it shows you don't trust them.

Yes it is weird to monitor your partner OP. Stop it or split up.

I appreciate what you all say about checking his phone I know it's not rational but last summer I found searches for escorts (not acted on) which he said he did out of 'curiousity'. I should have broken up with him at that point. It has broken me to be honest. I haunts me which is why I check his phone. I know it's wrong and stupid but I feel it makes a sham of what I thought was a happy relationship as I feel naive and stupid that he was in the early stages of wooing me (and don't get me wrong, he is truly a lovely man) and behind my back was checking out these sites. We've spoken about it at length and he has apologised and assured me that he won't do it again and now shuts down if I broach the subject. I feel I have to be a 'good girl' to keep things sweet.

I feel sad. If I catch him out again doing something like this that will be it, I just can't take the uncertainty.

Why is there trust issues? Is it just because of the porn? If it is just because of that then break it off. If your jealous over women in porn videos then maybe work on your own issues for a while. just saying.

Echoing others , it’s unreasonable to be monitoring his phone. Give the guy a break and leave him

Just get rid. You deserve better.

Sorry op cross post, escort websites is definitely out of order. I certainly wouldn't trust him. Checking his phone constantly is just torturing yourself, I would leave if it was me.

Why it is only over "if you catch him out again"? How long will you spend in this relationship looking over your (and his) shoulder? Cut your losses OP, this relationship is dead in the water.

If you go snooping on your partner's phone you will only ever find one of two things: confirmation of what you're afraid of, or confirmation that you're paranoid. Which are you hoping is true? Either way, it's a lose-lose situation.

Everyone will have a different take on porn use. You’re entitled to not be ok with it but you should communicate that to your partner and agree your boundaries. You can’t just expect hi mike to know where you stand on it unless you’ve had the conversation. If you don’t want him to look at porn and it’s a dealbreaker for you you’re entitled to say so, it’s up to him if he’s prepared to respect that, or he’s equally entitled to say no thanks that won’t work for me.

What do ‘recent trust issues’ mean? If he didn’t cheat what has happened that you feel justified in ongoing monitoring? Emotional affair? Or connected to the porn use? Or something else? If you’re at a point where you need to check his phone regularly the relationship is pretty damaged already and doesn’t sound healthy for either of you. Not judging, when I was much younger I used to check my ex’s phone but then he also cheated on me a ton. Neither were right and it really wasn’t a good relationship looking back. It’s not supposed to be like that.

He certainly has eclectic tastes. The teen thing would be a deal breaker for me.

Cross post with your update I’m sorry.

You deserve better. He’s not broken you but he did break the relationship, I know it’s heartbreaking but I’d stop trying to fix it now.