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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or could these be signs of cheating?

53 replies

Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 11:13

Stuck to his phone permanently smirking at it, absolutely delighted at the prospect of getting to go to his office this morning since working from home the last week (extra long shower, aftershave, 3 different hair products!), I have very unusual breakthrough bleeding which I needed to see a GP about and was advised to get a smear (I know this kind of bleeding can be a sign of STI).
The trip to the office this morning was supposed to be a flying visit to collect something but he has sent a few texts about how he'll be delayed and things are "slow". This will mean he left at 9 and wont be back till lunch. Also insisting we need things from the shops that we don't need, which he'll have to "stop and pick up on the way back". I know for a fact there is nobody else in his office building due to the obvious situation.
I have never been cheated on before so I don't know what to think. We have two very young DDs together and are otherwise happy and functioning very well as a family.

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 23/03/2020 11:17

I am sorry you are going through this.
I wonder if things were otherwise happy, why wouldn't you have just asked him , in a joking tone if need be, why he was getting all gussied up for an empty office?

Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 11:20

I think if I'd made a remark like that he probably wouldn't have taken it very well, to be honest.

OP posts:
RoxanneMonke · 23/03/2020 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fantasiaa · 23/03/2020 11:26

It sounds like it, yes
Sorry OP Flowers

Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 11:35

He works in technology so in terms of his phone he would prob clean up after himself pretty well, but I can try.
I did ask to see his phone before during an argument over another issue where he was dishonest, and he just said "well can we sit down together and go through it then at least", which I thought was such a weird response. I never looked through it in the end.

OP posts:
plunkplunkfizz · 23/03/2020 11:38

Other than the extra grooming my DH has done all of those recently. It’s non stop Covid memes and he’s missing his work colleagues. He’s also gone into some highly unusual for him nesting mode and keeps buying things he thinks is we need. He’s really struggling to stay home and keeps popping out even for a couple of moments so he feels less cooped up. We’re in strange times and people will behave strangely.

Standrewsschool · 23/03/2020 11:43

Stuck to his phone and smirking would raise suspicions.

Definitely see if you can get hold of his phone. Maybe ask to borrow it to check some info, because yours is on charge/flat/upstairs etc. See what his response is.

Does he take it to unusual places, the bathroom etc? Is this new behaviour? Is the grooming new behaviour?

PlugholePencil · 23/03/2020 11:54

Doesn’t sound good OP. There was a thread a while ago about how CV was going to test anyone having an affair... how to escape the house ‘legitimately’.
If I had to go in, I’d be in informal clothes with hair pulled back. I wouldn’t be arsed with make up or nice clothes if no one else would be there.
In your shoes I’d keep an eye on things rather then any accusations or snooping. Benefit of the doubt for now?

Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 12:04

Now that I think of it, he went to the office last week as well to pick up some equipment (which he genuinely did pick up). He was gone for half a day and when I used the car later that day, it stank of smoke. We share the car and our two young DC use it, so I was pretty annoyed about that and asked if he had been smoking in the car (he doesn't smoke anymore). He insisted that he had given a colleague who lives nearby a lift home and the colleague was smoking "beside the car". He was insistent on that one.

He also just phoned me, he's not near home yet and now apparently has no time to go to the shops because "that thing took longer than expected". What thing takes a long time in an empty office, I have no idea. Then he changed the subject. He was talking really fast and sounded quite anxious or excited or something. I just don't know what to think.

OP posts:
Ohfeckohfuckohshit · 23/03/2020 12:11

Oh this is shit. I'm sorry OP. Flowers

hammeringinmyhead · 23/03/2020 12:16

I'm 80% sure based on this that he was very excited to see someone today and is making excuses to stay with them (her) in case of lockdown.

cstaff · 23/03/2020 12:41

Not necessarily taking his side but I was in work last week and a bloke who had been wfh came in for an hour or so and ended up there for most of the day. It is easier to work from the office - everything is on site with easy access etc. Just another point of view.

Franticbutterfly · 23/03/2020 13:26

Very likely based on my own experience OP.

Ariela · 23/03/2020 14:02

'Why aren't you social distancing?' would be my question.

SummerWhisper · 23/03/2020 14:15

You only have 3 choices:

  1. Ask him and don't expect the truth if he is cheating
  2. Ignore it
  3. Snoop and ducks in row

Best of luck and I'm sorry. Life is stressful enough for people right now. He is putting you all at risk if cheating.

TheVanguardSix · 23/03/2020 14:17

Oh this brings back old memories. I’m sorry OP. It doesn’t sound good. Flowers

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/03/2020 14:19

Ask him WTF is going on? If you can’t talk you have nothing anywayFlowers

Sunshinedelight1287 · 23/03/2020 14:24

I'm sorry OP but it seems like you're clutching at straws here.

You obviously have deep trust issues and from the sounds of it your DP just needs a break from you.

He's been in constant contact with you since leaving this morning and you still don't trust him.

You need to decide what you want to do. Constantly be miserable always thinking the worse or make the decision to leave if there's no trust.

Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 14:36

I asked him what was going on when he got home a while ago. He got VERY defensive and mumbled something about the chair being difficult to push on a cobbled street so there were issues with that (they were instructed to park right outside so I have no idea where he is going with that). I asked him to leave his phone on the counter and he said no and turned very red and disappeared into the toilet where he faffed for a couple of minutes (with his phone I'm guessing) before eventually taking a piss. He stayed a lovely shade of red for quite some time. I told him it's time for an open a d honest discussion about what's going on. He insisted there's nothing. He's gone off for a walk with the baby. And his phone. Obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 14:37

Just to add: he was collecting his office chair today as we don't have one at home, realised I hadn't mentioned what the item was before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisypop89 · 23/03/2020 14:43

@Sunshinedelight1287 he may indeed need a break, but he just spent a week away in Europe for work 2 weeks ago. Looking at our joint account (I got a new phone so only got my banking app back today), it seems as though this "work" involved drinking a fair bit every single afternoon/evening that he was away.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 23/03/2020 14:47

Im very sorry but to me this stinks of an affair.

Sunshinedelight1287 · 23/03/2020 14:48

Yes work does include entertainment sometimes. I assume you're not working at the moment and have a lot of time on your hands.

I'm really not meaning to sound harsh but it sounds like your constantly on his case.

If you're unhappy then leave (or ask him to leave). This can't be much of a life for anyone involved.

asmuchuseas · 23/03/2020 14:56

His behaviour sounds dodgy and remind me of my ex's behaviour when he was up to no good

Wattagoose90 · 23/03/2020 15:07

Dodgy as hell.