Someone else using your garden

[PlinkiePlonk]

More of a wwyd. My in-laws have a habit of looking to take advantage but generally we get on so it’s manageable.

On the phone earlier to MIL who told DH and myself about how SIL’s young son keeps going to SIL with his boots on asking to go outside because whilst they have a garden (though not big) and we are in the country, the restrictions are a problem.

We have a much bigger garden so us. Wing stick in is annoying but tbh we can get on with stuff we have been meaning to do.

So if there was a request, would you say that they could use the garden whilst you stayed in the house? Would you offer without them asking as it would be a nice thing to offer?

On the one hand I do have to reference their general nature and I do wonder about MIL relating that to us but on other side I am genuinely ‘yeah, whatever as long as we aren’t there with them tho maybe not open access haha’.

Thoughts?

Normally yes it would be fine.

But we are in a pandemic. They will want to come in the house, use the toilet, have tea/coffee, socialise, watch TV etc.

So no. Just say no. Or ignore.

I would and did. My brother and sil have a very small garden, we have a big garden. I stayed in the house, they stayed in the garden and only touched the climbing frame. My DCs don't use the climbing frame any more. They had no tea, no water and nappy change straight into the outside bin. It was fine.

Them using your garden a bit is fine and a nice thing to do, so long as they agree to not coming in the house, not touching anything and not requiring anything that means you have to come into contact with them.

Otherwise they have plenty of time now to make their garden toddler-proof .....

Do the people saying why not need to be reminded that this virus stays on surfaces for up to 72 hours? If you let them come to use your garden in the middle of a pandemic, he wouldn't be able to touch or play with anything, and that's an impossible thing to ask of a toddler. Do not offer to let them use it, and if they ask, remind them what's actually going on in the world.

How far away are they? If it's anything other than walking distance, you could point out that they're not supposed to be doing any unnecessary travelling.

I really can’t understand any human who would say their nephew can’t play in their garden,

Not sure if you've noticed, but there's this pandemic thing around. Does that help your understanding?

It's not essential.

Neither is golfing but I got an angry rant from a golfer yesterday when walking my dog that it was "perfectly safe" for them to be all out in groups and stood about chatting in the car park after. Not to mention that them golfing meant we had to avoid the entire golf course and stick to the paths. Which is what EVERYONE was doing, it was impossible to avoid people. If there are no golfers anyone can go on the course, it's completely public. I can't believe they thought it fair to take up sooo much space.

No, they can use their own garden.

Our garden isn't great but we are using the time to make it better. Even if it's a small yard she could do jumping, fill buckets/trays with water and let him make mud pies/bubbles/messy play. Get some water based paint or chalk and let him decorate. Bug hunt. Piles of stones. Digging in the mud/planting seeds. She needs to get creative. There's no way he won't need the toilet/drink/snack - it will make you feel bad if he sees you and wants a hug etc. They need to stay home.

If your SIL& Brother have a toddler and their garden isnt toddler friendly, that is their fault. Dont allow them to but your life in danger because they are CFs

I think they want to stay at your pad for isolation cos it's better
They will want to use your loo, then ask for water, make noise - wait til the kid starts crying at you to let him in to play

Don't do it. It's ridiculous anyway.

They'll want in, for - a piss, a shite, a drink, a biscuit, its raining, a dog is outside, they're crying, bawling, roaring, pissing and moaning and this, that, that, that and the other.

You'll never be able to corral them just to the garden.
They will want in. No question.
Ignore them for now and then say no if they are being CF.

Jesus. They haven’t even asked and they’re being completely slated.

I can see where MIL is coming from but no I wouldn't offer. Do you have kids?
Would DN be playing on their outdoor toys?
You'd then have to disinfect everything before your kids could use it.
And what if they needed to use the toilet?
And tbh my 2 toddlers know what their aunty and uncles houses look like and wouldn't be happy not seeing them if we were there so will cause way more issues then it solves.

No, Just ignore
'

We live in a tiny apartment.

My toddler is bouncing off the walls, but there’s no way I’d consider visiting my sister or parents, both of whom have gardens, IN CASE THEY CATCH CORONAVIRUS OFF HIM AND GET VERY, VERY ILL!!!

Why don’t people get this? It’s too risky!! STAY THE FUCK HOME, EVERYONE, AND PROTECT EACH OTHER!!!!

Fucking hell, nominees for the Darwin Awards everywhere during this pandemic.

People are so reluctant to sacrifice their comfort that they’re quite willing to kill others.

How do you thing all Eorope is managing in apartments?

I wouldn’t simply because they’re now saying it’s h more likely to be transmitted between children via things they’ve touched. So as let them play in your garden, unless you then keep your own children in for at least a day, you may as well just socialise with them. Which obviously you shouldn’t do.

I agree with PP's who suggest that they've had time to make their own garden toddler-friendly, and this could concentrate their minds....but before tackling SIL, I'd make sure she actually suggested it.
My late mother and aunty, both kindly souls, both inclined towards the kindly gesture which "would be nice" and look good, while leaving the heavy lifting to others before checking (as in "twosheds will be happy to give you a lift" as she didn't drive herself, and was blissfully unaware of other commitments I'd made on my own behalf).
Why not broach it with SIL as a joke; "You'll never guess your DM's latest bright idea!" Makes it clear you're not playing, and gives her the chance to agree that it's not the brightest suggestion without losing face......

No, do not offer anyone your garden.

FFS when will people start listening and doing as they're advised?

Oh yes, AFTER a loved one has died.

Just say NO

When even the PM is saying don't visit your mum on Mothers Day,
then it should be pretty obvious not to visit other relatives just to use their bigger garden

As pp said, if you don't have the strength to say no to them coming,
then you are unlikely to stop a crying child going to the loo, having a drink, a sticking plaster on a cut knee ......

Far more difficult in practice to keep a child at a distance than an adult
Children are far more needy and far less used to waiting

Just a quick update - following on from the PM’s announcement tonight I spoke to MIL to check she was ok. Anyway, during the conversation she then disclosed that they had discussed previously how we could look after DS whilst they went to work. Reason they didn’t ask in fairness was a lingering health issue for DH but I do get the feeling they werent really paying attention to what’s going on and seemed to forget we are at home but do work from home!

Cheeky fuckers.