Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To expect MIL to ASK me before taking my new baby out for a walk?

65 replies

ChubbyScotsBurd · 10/09/2007 12:29

OK, maybe IABU because MIL (who bought us an all-singing-and-dancing pram despite being told my Mum was going to get us one) has been staying this week and has been helpful because LO has been really colicky and it would have been tough had I been on my own. BUT the other day she said 'right, I'm going to the shops' and put my 7 week old baby in what she evidently views as HER pram and then left! He's never been away from me before, except with his dad. And he was crying when she got back (an hour later, I was almost in tears too by this point) and apparently had cried most of the time she was out. I'm not into leaving newborn babies to cry for any length of time so this upset me a lot.

Today I'm waiting for a workman to arrive so as soon as LO had finished his feed she said she was off out again and took him with her, knowing I couldn't come. I don't want bad feeling and she's very sensible and she's been a real help and she's also going home tomorrow [yay] so I won't say anything but I just needed a rant because if she'd just asked I'd have felt so much better. Hate that someone's strutting round with my baby as if he belongs to her, and I feel all possessive and maternal and stuff. I guess I just needed an unreasonable rant. Grrr.

She's just called to say she's bringing lunch back, god I'm such a bitch.

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 10/09/2007 14:33

ChubbyScotsBurd congratulations on your beautiful wee baby a gorgeous wee bubba

just you do whatever feels right

FirstAtForty · 10/09/2007 15:00

If people truly want to help, they should not just assume that what they think is helpful actually is - help should be something that makes your life easier, not more difficult/distressing!

And if they are not sure what's helpful, they can always ask - oh and and listen to the answer

HarrietTheSpy · 10/09/2007 21:41

ChubbyScots
I was soooo very much like a tigress when I had DD. NO WAY would I have let her out with someone alone, well only DH, and only for a short period. I would have flipped if she just disappeared with my baby.

But then maybe I had ISHOOS, wouldn't rule it out.

Still, my point is: don't beat yourself up about being cross MIL did that. It would be usual to ask, even though she did think she was helping. Another point is if you're breast feedign and she didn't the feeding thing wouldn't have occurred to her. At that age, I was topping DD up every 45 min or so (sometimes 30) so a long walk would have made me worry about how DD and carer would cope. Maybe it would help to explain this (unless MIL is schedule freak.)

WestCountryLass · 10/09/2007 21:43

I think you should say something, otherwise it will be the same old same old in a few years.

gingerninja · 10/09/2007 21:55

Can't read all these messages but imo, YANBU. I don't think it's fair that your hormones are being blamed either, it's your baby your mil should have asked, shes had her chance to be a parent. I have a very difficult relationship with my MIL 12 months on after a very similar incident and I'm certainly not hormonal now. It has really affected the way I think of her which is a real shame. Why do people insist on taking your baby when you've just had it. Doing the ironing whould be more helpful. She'll be gone soon.

pampam · 10/09/2007 23:01

yanbu, talk to her about it, i would have felt exactly the same in your position. I didn't let anyone take dd out for more than about half an hour in the first 6 weeks.

lomondgal · 10/09/2007 23:14

YANBU I would have went nuts!! Try having a wee chat with her and say you think she is being a bit overpowering and that she has to ask you or goes nowhere.

btw the novelty will wear off! make sure you get time alone with your baby x

ProjectIcarusinhercar · 10/09/2007 23:15

Have a hormonally charged freakout and put her in her place.

Should head her off for a bit.

She wouldn't have got mine in the pram tbh. MY BABY MINE MINE MINE. yep possibly slightly deranged, new mums are allowed to be.

puffling · 10/09/2007 23:25

You don't take someone else's baby out without asking first.

daisyandbabybootoo · 10/09/2007 23:52

in answer to the OP....she should have asked so YANBU.

....yes it's lovely that she wants to help and if it's her first grandchild wants to show him off, but she should have consulted you first to make sure he wasn't due a feed or a change.

Tell her gently that as much as you appreciate her help, you would preffer her to consult you in future....or better, get your DH to talk to her about it!

and sell the pram if you hate it that much...

pixiella · 11/09/2007 00:49

yeah she was trying to help but...i can imagine i'd feel the same! you're not being unreasonable at all! xxxx

Original poster

ChubbyScotsBurd · 11/09/2007 09:45

Thanks folks. I know IABU to a degree, and she doesn't mean to upset me, she's lovely really. I just feel like standing on a rock and beating my chest and roaring at the moment. When my LO cries and is painful I often BF him for comfort which I think she silently questions, so I find it hard to see someone else trying to rock or walk him instead because it doesn't work

OP posts:

LilianGish · 11/09/2007 10:13

Sounds very much like my MIL who used to tut tut when I breastfed and make supportive comments like "The problem with breast feeding is noone else can do it for you". She was DESPERATE to give both DCs a bottle - in fact I breastfed both til about 16 months (her attitude only spurred me on if anything). I think she was slightly hoping I wouldn't be able to cope so she could swoop in and take over. Like yours, my MIL is lovely in so many ways, but there are few things she does that annoy the hell out me (and then like you I feel unreasonable for being annoyed).

Spandex · 11/09/2007 10:26

You're the mum, Chubby. You do what your instinct is telling you to do what's best for your baby. Your bond is with him. Your MIL can question it all she likes. That's one of the things about becoming a parent - you get all sorts of disapproval that you wouldn't get in any other job! YOu can't let it bother you. Have confidence in yourself.

It's your time, your special time. Don't let anyone else's doubts bother you. You sound like you're doing a super job and a very loving mum.

Nobody takes someone else's baby out without asking. Announcing it isn't good enough. What's she going to do next - announce she's going to wean your son regardless of what you think?

mawbroon · 11/09/2007 10:35

My DS is almost 2 ChubbyScotsBurd and I breastfeed him for comfort if he falls over or gets a fright or whatever. It still grates when someone else tries to comfort him unsuccessfully when I know that two minutes of feeding would make everything fine.

Flip

1 2 3